Tutor: So did you understand the story you read for homework?
Girl student: The first time I read it, I didn't understand it. But the second time, I was mad fucking high, and I got it.
–Oriental Boulevard, Brooklyn
Tutor: So did you understand the story you read for homework?
Girl student: The first time I read it, I didn't understand it. But the second time, I was mad fucking high, and I got it.
–Oriental Boulevard, Brooklyn
Suit to another: He was just lucky not to be fucking someone in his family!
–Trump Building
Overheard by: Guess I'm lucky too
Gamer on headset: Dude, you are not listening to me. You can't hear me. You know why? Because you have no ears. You're the product of two retarded cousins fucking each other.
–Queens
Girl: He looks like my uncle… the one I'm really attracted to.
–Governors Island ferry
Overheard by: boring
Male passerby: I wouldn't fuck my family, but…
–4th Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Jessica
British professor wearing bow tie: It's fascinating just how exciting incest is!
–Silver Center, NYU
College boy: I used to work with those people who dress up as cartoon characters.
College girl: Ohhhh! You mean furries?
–Pratt Institute
Old man #1: I been walking around all day with a hole in my pants and didn't know it.
Old man #2: When did you figure it out?
Old man #1: When I sat on the seat on the train and one of my balls felt like I dipped it in a bowl of ice cream.
–DUMBO
Musician: See, that’s why I don’t drink. So I can fuck any time.
–26th between 6th & Broadway
Overheard by: Mike
Guy: Where can I go to make it look like I went home last night?
–56th & 9th
Overheard by: David
Ghetto chick: …and it’s not like I’m calling him a transsexual, but he gave oral like a starving lesbian.
–58th & 5th
Overheard by: Melissa
Queer #1, stopping at store window: I don’t know. Should I? Well, actually, can I go in?
Queer #2: Sure you can. They let dogs in. Why can’t you go in with a cigarette?
–The Village
Traffic police officer #1: She want balls with no cheese. I want cheese on my balls.
Traffic police officer #2: Oh, she nasty.
–Quizno's, Broadway & Franklin
Overheard by: office peon
(tiny Asian girl in a striped skirt and high-heeled boots is hauling a suitcase up the stairs from the subway).
Hobo: You know who you look like?
Asian girl: Who?
Hobo: You know who you look like?
Asian girl: Who?
Hobo: Girl, you look like Paul Lynde.
–12th St & 7th Ave
Dude #1: How's your sister doing?
Dude #2: She's fine.
Dude #1: So what is it with all these lesbians looking like Justin Bieber?
–2 Train
Overheard by: DG
Guy on cell: I guess you’d rather spend time with your cat than me. That’s cool.
–Brooklyn Heights
Thug to girl calling for cat: You lost your cat, baby? Shit, this is Brooklyn, there’s so many street cats out here they probably ate your cat.
–Franklin & Classon, Prospect Heights Brooklyn
Teen, talking about guitars: You can never have too many. They’re like cats.
–17th & 8th
Girl on cell: Yeah, I want one too, but we should start with a cat and see how that is. You know, play it by ear.
–86th & Lexington
Overheard by: Is that how it works?
Girl: If I looked like a cat’s poop hole I’d still want to be loved… and eaten.
–JFK
