Compare/Contrast

Meet the Only Guy in the U.S. Who Liked Nights in Rodanthe

Girlfriend to boyfriend walking out of movie theater: That was kinda lame… I totally saw that ending coming.
Boyfriend: I don't know, I kind of liked it.
Girlfriend, raising voice: What do you mean you liked it?
Boyfriend: It was entertaining.
Girlfriend: Oh, so now you're gonna tell me that you liked it more than Sherlock Holmes?
Boyfriend: Actually, yeah…
Girlfriend, angry and yelling: What the fuck? What is wrong with you? I can't believe this!

–Outside Chelsea Clearview Cinema

Overheard by: J Wing

Still More Natural Than God’s Body and Blood

Catholic girl #1: It’s a little more natural to have jizz in your mouth instead of pee.
Catholic girl #2: But the jizz has shit in it!

–Bryant Park

Except All You've Written for Your Book Report Is “Cheese Is God”

Tutor: So did you understand the story you read for homework?
Girl student: The first time I read it, I didn't understand it. But the second time, I was mad fucking high, and I got it.

–Oriental Boulevard, Brooklyn

Does a Threesome With Twins Break the Wednesday One-Liner Taboo?

Suit to another: He was just lucky not to be fucking someone in his family!

–Trump Building

Overheard by: Guess I'm lucky too

Gamer on headset: Dude, you are not listening to me. You can't hear me. You know why? Because you have no ears. You're the product of two retarded cousins fucking each other.

–Queens

Girl: He looks like my uncle… the one I'm really attracted to.

–Governors Island ferry

Overheard by: boring

Male passerby: I wouldn't fuck my family, but…

–4th Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: Jessica

British professor wearing bow tie: It's fascinating just how exciting incest is!

–Silver Center, NYU

The Thin Line Between Disney and Kink: Encapsulated.

College boy: I used to work with those people who dress up as cartoon characters.
College girl: Ohhhh! You mean furries?

–Pratt Institute

…As I Used to Do, in My Youth.

Old man #1: I been walking around all day with a hole in my pants and didn't know it.
Old man #2: When did you figure it out?
Old man #1: When I sat on the seat on the train and one of my balls felt like I dipped it in a bowl of ice cream.

–DUMBO

Oh Me So Wednesday One-liners

Musician: See, that’s why I don’t drink. So I can fuck any time.

–26th between 6th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mike

Guy: Where can I go to make it look like I went home last night?

–56th & 9th

Overheard by: David

Ghetto chick: …and it’s not like I’m calling him a transsexual, but he gave oral like a starving lesbian.

–58th & 5th

Overheard by: Melissa

Dogs Don’t Usually Burn Holes in Things

Queer #1, stopping at store window: I don’t know. Should I? Well, actually, can I go in?
Queer #2: Sure you can. They let dogs in. Why can’t you go in with a cigarette?

–The Village

Why Cinderella Was Never Invited to Another Ball

Traffic police officer #1: She want balls with no cheese. I want cheese on my balls.
Traffic police officer #2: Oh, she nasty.

–Quizno's, Broadway & Franklin

Overheard by: office peon

Yeah, We Didn't Know, Either

(tiny Asian girl in a striped skirt and high-heeled boots is hauling a suitcase up the stairs from the subway).
Hobo: You know who you look like?
Asian girl: Who?
Hobo: You know who you look like?
Asian girl: Who?
Hobo: Girl, you look like Paul Lynde.

–12th St & 7th Ave

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