Man: I need a job.
Woman: I need a lot of things. I need a boyfriend, I need more money, I need a tan, and I need to lose 30 pounds
Man: Yeah… I just need a job.
–57th & Madison
Man: I need a job.
Woman: I need a lot of things. I need a boyfriend, I need more money, I need a tan, and I need to lose 30 pounds
Man: Yeah… I just need a job.
–57th & Madison
Chica on cell: He was just white. Like, a white guy. Except Puerto Rican.
–Park Terrace West, Inwood
Overheard by: Gringo Starr
Puerto Rican thug to another, both wearing Puerto Rican flag bandanas as face masks: White people better get used to us. There be like 80 billion of us in the world… Or maybe 8 thousand of us…at least.
–F Train
Overheard by: Brent
Teen on cell: Wait, you're in Puerto Rico? I'll be right there, that's by Chinatown, right? What do you mean it's an island? Like Staten Island? How the fuck did you get there?
–Colombus Circle
Overheard by: Graham Davis
JAP on phone: He called me a clingy JAP! How fucking low! I could've easily pulled the "you're-a-Puerto-Rican-from-Staten-Island" card.
–92nd & 5th
Guy (shouting): Hey guys! You like Puerto Ricans?!
–Times Square
Overheard by: CytoFox
Dad on scooter with eight-year-old girl: I don't want to hear that… Don't fuckin' push me, Joanna! You are not black, you are Puerto Rican!
–Flatbush & Fulton
Overheard by: Chelsea
Dude #1: Do you think it’s possible to write a book and then find out it’s just like another book?
Dude #2: Yeah… That happened with my musical about the Nazis…
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: HuntingSnark
Hobo to passer-by: Arrrr! I'm a fart knocker!
–7th Ave & 25th St
Bimbette: Wow! I ate olives today and I didn't fart!
–L Train
Girl to friend: She farts makeup! She's so glamorous!
–Deli
Overheard by: Straining to hear the rest of the conversation…
30-something tall woman to friend: I used to live in three houses. Now I live in a closet. It's so small that I have to hang my parakeet out the window just to take a fart!
–Ave B & 3rd St
Overheard by: Mike
Older Greek lady to friend: I don't know Celia. I think it is better for everyone if I have gas.
–Astoria
Overheard by: David
Teen girl #1: …he like kissed me and never called!
Teen girl #2: Shit…
Teen girl #1: My mother always say to me, “You gotta have a back up, you gotta have a back up!”
Teen girl #2: Yo.
Teen girl #1: But look at her, she like fuckin’ four guys at the same time, and it don’t do her no good.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Hairy Toe
Girl on cell at register: It's like… If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be. (pause) If it doesn't? Well then baby, fuck that nigga, cuz he was a douchebag anyway.
–Deli, Brooklyn
Girl: It sounds douchey. But not like "douchebag" douchey. Like "Summer's Eve" douchey.
–Tribeca
Man to another, on Halloween: Oh, I get it. You're a douchebag.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: T.J.
Hipster dude, sarcastically to others: I love douchebag bars.
–Outside Puck Fair
Overheard by: Is this the definition of irony?
JAP, reflecting: I think I might be a drug dealer.
–Spot’s Café
JAP: Yeah! I went to Israel this summer! And they all looked at me like I was an idiot! They don’t have Uggs there… They don’t have burgers… They don’t have loosies!
–Hunter College
Jappy teen: I’ve never done anything for society and I’ve done just fine.
–University & 12th
JAP: Bitch, "Jewish" is a religion!
–17th & 6th
NYU JAP: I told my dad that I couldn’t go to the scholarship fair because I had to get my nails done, and I think we’re still in a fight!
–Goddard Hall, NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Maya G.
Jappy girl to friend: [Sighs.] I’m losing faith in humanity, one orgasm at a time.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ponine
Guy #1: Yeah, she was really upset. You can just tell when girls get upset.
Guy #2: They smell different.
Guy #3: Their vaginas get all crinkly.
Guy #2: They smell like… dolphins.
Guy #3: And they turn all white.
Guy #2 to guy #1: You learned something today.
–8th St & University Pl
Incredulous man: I've only seen people like you on tv and the movies!
Unfazed woman: Well, I exist.
Incredulous man: Yes!
–Columbus Circle
Professor: So I told my grad students they could have an A if they earned it, or if they beat me in a 12-minute cage fight.
–Fordham Universityy
Israeli politics professor, after class: There's enough Tylenol out there to take care of your hangovers after Purim. So, all your sorry little asses better be in this class at three o'clock, Wednesday afternoon.
–Yeshiva University
English professor: Yeah, the end of the poem relates to the beginning. Every good poem has a return… just like a good walk.
–Hunter college
Professor: Of course there was marital harmony! As we all know, the family who cuts drugs together, stays together.
–Fordham Law School
Overheard by: EntertainedStudent
Professor: An example of synecdoche would be, "get your ass over here." You want all of them, not just their ass. But sometimes, you do just want their ass. And we all know how that goes. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in a classroom… usually.
–NYU
Overheard by: queenofscots
