Compliments

Sorry, Pal– One Of Your Editors Married Her First

Comedy show ticket seller: Hey! You dropped your scarf!
(girl with scarf around her neck rolls eyes)
Comedy show ticket seller: Hey, you must live here!
Girl: Yeah, and I work in this fucking area, and you tell me that every single night when all I want to do is go home. (looks at tourists listening) Just so you know, “free comedy show” means two drink minimum, and the so-called comedians are just dumb asses who are not not funny at all.
Comedy show ticket seller: Woah! Marry me, please. I'm not trying to be funny, you are fucking amazing!
Girl: Fuck you.
Comedy show ticket seller to tourists: I'm being serious, she's the woman of my dreams!
Tourists: What?

–Times Square

The Rusted ’87, or the Stolen ’92?

Thuggish 11-year-old #1, looking at in-flight magazine: That car is sweet.
Thuggish 11-year-old #2: Oh, it’s okay. I’m a BMW man myself.

–AirTran flight out of LaGuardia

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Newsflash: Sketchy Man Hangs Out in Sex Shop. Film at 11.

Middle Eastern man to register girl at sex shop: You have most beautiful eyes in Manhattan.
Register girl: Um, thanks.
Middle Eastern man: You look like European girl.
Register girl: I get that a lot.
Middle Eastern man: Let's go out for drink tonight.
Register girl: No.
Middle Eastern man: Okay, thank you!

–Sex Shop, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Nanda

With Your iPod On, You Don’t Hear America Singing

Crazy drunk guy: When we get there, we gonna pull out all the plugs, and we gonna throw down! Then we’ll see who’s who and what’s what! You gay motherfuckers married? All the gay motherfuckers gettin’ married! Brooklyn! Brooklyn, you ain’t holdin’ your own! Queens! You and yo’ little iPod! You ain’t pullin’ your weight! We from the Bronx! 233rd and White Plains Road! Fordham Road! All you cannibals — I munch on a cannibal! When we get there, we gonna do this… Like Christmas!
Older, well-dressed lady: ‘Munch on a cannibal…’ That’s actually a great line. Very evocative…

–2 train

Not “I'll Fuck You” Good, But Good Nonetheless

Construction worker #1 to hot girl: Damn baby, did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes)
Construction worker #2: Your name must be Candy 'cause you look so sweet!
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes again, laughing a little)
Construction worker #3: Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Hot girl (laughs hysterically): That's gotta be the best I've ever heard!

–65th & Broadway

Overheard by: Right to the point. Nice.

Geez, Is That How It’s Supposed to Go?

Drunk old guy: That’s a very nice dress… You’re a very beautiful woman. If I were thirty years younger, I–
Woman: –Would wear this dress?

–A train

Overheard by: Kirk

…As Seen in Urls Gone Wild.

Middle school boy: Hey, do you like the URLs I got for my project?
Teacher: Yeah, your URLs are sexy!

–Packer Collegiate Institute

The Rest Was History for Kim Kardashian and Ray-J

Black guy, yelling out of his car at cute girl crossing the street: Hey! You look like yo' white boyfriend call you fat, but mama, that alllllll good!
Cute girl: I have never felt so offended and so complimented at once. (deadpan) This must be love.

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: aenigma

The George Strait Enema Ain’t All That

Guy: They’re George Strait jeans.
Girl: I love George Strait. He’s a hottie.
Guy: He only gives his name to the best.
Girl: Didn’t he give his name to that tractor place?
Guy: It must have been the best tractor.

–NYU Law commons area, W. 3rd St.

Overheard by: Micah Prude

Thank You!

Queer: You’ve got pretty natural eyebrows, sweetheart.
Asian girl: Thanks, but yours look sooo fake.

–L train

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