Scalpel….Scissors….Wednesday One-Liners…

Big black crossdresser: Oh honey, I know that no amount of surgery is going to make me a diva!

–3 Train

Overheard by: Kailee McMahon

Mother to small daughter: Honey, don't forget to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Honey, you aren't getting ready to perform surgery. Hurry up.

–Women's Bathroom, The Met

Man: He had to have his top hat surgically removed.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kevin

Intern: Latex gloves are for killing people, surgery and dying your hair.

–1501 Broadway

Overheard by: Randi

Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this weekend. He's been fixed! Oh, but don't tell anyone, he doesn't want anybody to know.

–Dunkin Donuts

Girl on cell: How did teaching go? How was the surgery? Did human skin taste good?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: The Poogtastic One

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Coworkers, Girls, Gossip, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murder, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Plastic Surgery, Private Parts, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Stall Spies, The Met, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

Why Construction in New York Takes So Long: Explained

Construction worker #1: I got sweaty balls.
Construction worker #2: Shit, man.
Construction worker #3 (putting hand down his pants): Do you wanna suck my sweaty balls?

–38th Street b/w 5th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Chantal

Posted on October 13, 2008
Balls, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Default, Insults, Offers and requests, Sweat

This Is Your Brain on Stupid Customers

Customer: I'll have an egg omelet.
Cook: An egg omelet?
Customer: Yeah, one made with eggs.
Cook: Thank god you mentioned eggs. I was about to give you an omelet solely made from butter!

–Grant's Restaurant

Overheard by: AJ

Posted on October 11, 2008
Coworkers, Customers, Default, Food, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity

Eventually, Snoop Would Find His Calling As a Rapper

Manager: How could you bring a dutch to work and not think that I would write you up for it? You'd better have a doctor's note for that.
Employee: Damn nigga, what'd you think? Of course I have a doctor's note!

–Duane Reade

Posted on October 9, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Coworkers, Default, Duane Reade, Health and Hygiene, Questions, Weed, Words

Anyone Else Wondering What This Guy's Doing in Harlem?

Country gent with thick drawl: I need tickets for two seniors and two adults, please.
MTA booth worker: Okay, where you goin?
Country gent with thick drawl: My son's house.
MTA booth worker: What train station?
Country gent with thick drawl: I dunno, does “Hartford” sound about right?

–Harlem 125th Street Metro North Station

Posted on October 6, 2008
Coworkers, Default, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Travel, Words

I Told Him to Use the Ladies'

Barnes & Noble employee #1: Some bum is washing his ass in the men's restroom.
Barnes & Noble employee #2 (in horror): Oh god.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Yesenia

Posted on September 30, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Ass, Coworkers, Default, Etiquette, Health and Hygiene, Store, Weirdness

Every Brilliant Idea Has a Catch

Waitress #1: Do you have any tampons?
Waitress #2: Yeah, I have regular and super.
Waitress #1: Are they the plastic kind? The cardboard snags my vagina.

–Restaurant, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Unappetized

Posted on September 30, 2008
Brooklyn, Coworkers, Default, Gender issues, Menstruation, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Vagina, Waitresses, Weirdness

Get Beat Up a Lot, Pencil Neck?

Tourist: Hi, what do we need to do to join the tour?
Tour guide: Well, there's an entrance exam.
Tourist: Really?
Tour guide: No. But based on this conversation, you would've failed.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Chuckles

Posted on September 27, 2008
Assholes, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Coworkers, Default, Insults, Offers and requests, Questions, Tourists, Weirdness

To Be Fair, Skinny Jeans Are Much More Constrictive

Conductor #1: He's like “it doesn't bite!” I'm like “I know it doesn't bike…it constricts! The last thing I need is that thing getting loose and finding some four-year-old kid wrapped in a snake. You can get on, but Daisy stays on the platform.
Conductor #2: Who brings a snake out in public anyway?

–LIRR, Woodside station

Overheard by: I'm with the conductor on this one…

Posted on September 27, 2008
Animals & Nature, Conductors, Coworkers, Death, Default, Kids, Long Island, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

Since When Is Not Understanding Yogiisms the Threshold for Stupidity?

Photographer #1: I keep trying to get reservations at [famous restaurant], but they only have ones for 10:00 pm.
Photographer #2: Yeah, nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded.
Photographer #1: Yeah, totally.
Photographer #2: No, it's a joke. It's Yogi Berra. “Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded.”
Photographer #1: I don't get it.
Photographer #2: You're an idiot.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Actually laughing out loud

Posted on September 7, 2008
Bryant Park, Coworkers, Default, Insults, Laughter, Stupidity, Time

Coworkers