The Bell Tolls for Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: I hope you fucking die! Die! … Well, not like now… but someday… like, when you’re eighty.. Okay, eighty-four.

–NYU

Overheard by: Kelly

Student: … And I was all, ‘Dude, don’t touch my side of the cadaver!’

–Albert Einstein College of Medicine

Overheard by: BuddyblueJD

15-year-old: Look! They’re dying because they suck!

—The Bucket List showing, AMC Empire 25

20-ish chick: After I died, I hardly did anything.

–45th & 3rd

Overheard by: mkr

Blonde to gal pals, on Heath Ledger: It just made me realize how real death is when even a celebrity can die!

–25th & 1st

Posted on May 5, 2015
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, College, Death, Default, Girls, Gripes, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Time, Wishes & desires

Too Soon for a Heath Ledger Headline?

Six-year-old boy: Mom, did you know that Elvis Presley died of a drug overdose?
Mom: Well, that won't ever happen to you.
Six-year-old boy, angrily: How do you know?

–Atlantic Ave Station

Overheard by: Jon Good

Posted on April 28, 2015
About Celebrities, Anger Management, Death, Hard Drugs, Kids, Moms, Parents, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Fear the Reaper

Guy on cell: But he didn’t get shot…Oh, the old man’s dead? Niiiice!

–Starbucks, 57th St

Little Boy: Mommy, mommy! Guess what I dreamt about last night? I dreamt I was dead!

–Star Diner, 77th & 1st

Overheard by: Fruit Salad

Commuter: Well, I’d rather do it for a dead person than a handicapped one.

–LIRR train

Overheard by: LIRRider

Guy #1, to guy #2: I don’t want you to freak out about this, man, but when I die I want you by my side.

–Union Square

Posted on April 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Death, Wednesday One-Liners

Not As Alive As His Twin, Cher.

Little boy: Daddy, is Michael Jackson still alive?
Father: Um…sort of.

–42nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sabs

Posted on April 21, 2015
About Celebrities, Dads, Death, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

When You Wednesday Upon a One-Liner, It Makes No Difference Who You Are

Guy walking by himself: I wish everybody who is not mentally ill would just drop dead!

–9th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Rear Admiral Butts

Guy (admiringly, to attractive girl passing by): Damn, girl, I wish you were a guy!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Ditzy girl to another, about her boyfriend: He's teaching himself philosophy right now. He bought a philosophy dictionary. He can do that, you know, because he's so smart. I wish I could do that!

–Astoria

Overheard by: squarehand

Young guy to girl: Dude, I wish Dali was still around so he could do my album.

–Museum of Modern Art

Overheard by: Gino

Serious girl: I wish I had gotten the ovaries!

–Korean Baptist Church, Astoria

Overheard by: Evan

Posted on April 20, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Girls, Guys, Idiots, MoMA, One-liners, Park Slope, Philosophy, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, Visual Art, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

What Do You Want on Your Tombstone?

Girl: You know, sometimes I just feel like breaking down and crying.
Guy: Wanna get some pizza?
Girl: Seriously, life can be so hard sometimes, I really can’t take it anymore.
Guy: Have you considered suicide?
Girl: Fuck you!
Guy: Well seriously, you need to stop complaining about life or just kill yourself and get it over with.
Girl: Fuck you. I’m getting off at the next stop and going back home.
Guy: Wanna get some pizza?

–Q train

Overheard by: Jimmy Crehan

Posted on April 17, 2015
Anger Management, Death, On the Subway

R.I.P. Wednesday One-Liners

Large black lady: They have all sorts of bags here: small bags, big bags — you could fit, like, nine bodies in that bag.

–The Container Store, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Hannah

Fat queer: I want to be buried alive so I can eat myself out of it.

–Graham & Conselyea

Overheard by: Jesse

Girl on cell: I keep calling them and telling them not to kill him yet!

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: my roommate and me

Man on cell: Is Anne available? She’s dead? Oh, okay then.

–54th & Park

Nine-year-old boy seeing rays of sunlight enter car: We’re above ground now! Now we can’t be killed!

–N train, Queens

Posted on April 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Death, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Meet the Man Who Programs New York’s Crazies

Normal guy: So, you know this guy was unarmed…
Crazy beard guy: Sure.
Normal guy: Well, needless to say, people died that night. That’s all I’m sayin’.

–12th & 1st

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on April 13, 2015
Crazies, Death, Default, Guys, The Village, Violence

He’s Like a Bee Who’s Lost His Stinger

Girl: Yo, so I heard that this guy fell into a hole and was covered with molten steel and died. What a terrible way to die.
Guy: Eh, not so bad.
Girl: Well, what’s worse?
Guy: There was that guy in Germany who cut off this other guy’s penis and then ate it.
Girl: He died?
Guy: Yeah, a man dies when his dick is cut off.

–4 train

Posted on April 10, 2015
Body Parts, Death, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Violence

Haley Joel Osment Seems to Get Worse Roles Every Year

Teen #1: Are we there yet?
Teen #2: It's right over there.
Teen #3 (screaming): I see it! I see Atlas! It's white, I see it.
Bus driver: Yeah, and I see dead people across the street…you don't hear me screaming.

–Q29 Bus, Atlas Park Mall

Posted on April 6, 2015
Bus Drivers, Colors, Death, Directions, Malls, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Teens, Weirdness

Death