Bowling for Wednesday One-Liner

Drunk thug, reflecting on his baby-mama's new man: I love motherfuckin' guns, and that's the bottom line, but I don't wanna go to jail.

–Bar, Cortelyou Road

Boy to limping blonde struggling to keep up: Oh my god, if you were a horse I would shoot you.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: The Game

Father to two small children, pulling them away from the register: C'mon, guys. Let's go before mommy shoots herself.

–Forbidden Planet, 13th & Broadway

Loud black girl: It's Manhattan, I don't have to worry about getting shot.

–NYU

Guy on cell: Hey man, aren't you tired of being shot?

–Queens Center Mall

Posted on September 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Families, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Malls, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Only in New York, Parents, Prison, Queens, Questions, Shoot, Store, Suicide, The Village, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

From the Wayans Brothers' Redundance Flick

Drunk guy #1, doing acrobatic moves on subway bars: I have the tears of a gay ballerina on me.
Drunk guy #2: Yeah, and it's kind of redundant.

–L Train

Posted on September 1, 2009
Crying, Dancing, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Guys, On the Subway

But Gaping Wounds Are in This Season!

Preppy drunk blond #1 in ladies room: Oh my god! How are you? It's been so long since I've seen you!
Preppy drunk blond #2: Oh my god, I'm great! When I noticed I was bleeding I decided to come in here and wash my face!

–Circle Line Cruise

Overheard by: nika

Posted on August 21, 2009
Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Cruise Ship, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Preppies, Questions, Weirdness

Must…Resist…”Bitch”…Headline…

Drunk girl: (hiccuping)
Friendly gay guy: Oh, are you growing?
Drunk girl: (stares at him blankly)
Friendly gay guy: Oh, my puppy is growing, and whenever she is growing she gets the hiccups.
Drunk girl: I'm not your fucking dog!

–Elevator, Midtown Apartment Building

Overheard by: Meghan Monaco

Posted on August 17, 2009
Age/Aging, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Elevators, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys, Questions, Stupidity

Today on That's So Raven

“Drunk train” conductor: This is Jamaica station, train to Huntington… Please walk across the platform for the shiny train to Hempstead.
Drunk girl: Ohmygod dude, it's like actually shiny.

–Penn Station

Posted on August 15, 2009
Conductors, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Penn Station, Public Transportation

But at Least You Didn't Accidentally Drink the Nair This Time

Middle-aged blonde woman: We had a bottle of Nair and beer bottles in the shower. Woke up hungover, with no hair, in my underwear.
Middle-aged brunette woman: That's just sad.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Markle

Posted on August 13, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Hair, Penn Station, Waxing, Weirdness, Women

Wednesdays Wet Their One-Liners

Girl: So then I said "mother, I am 20 years old and you cannot tell me I can't go to Wet 'n Wild!"

–Central Park

Overheard by: Quella

Weird chick: Eeeeek! That toilet is flooding! My Payless shoes are getting wet! My beautiful Payless shoes! All this water looks like that movie, The Blob! Oh, I hate you, Steve McQueen! I hate you, I hate you!

–Women's Restroom, Port Authority

Overheard by: Amber Star

Drunk girl to drunker friend who spilled beer on her lap: Again with the vaginal wetness?

–LIRR

Guy to a girl in laundromat: Why can't you dry your underwear? Is that because they're so used to being wet when you're wearing them?

–1st. Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: Mike

Girl to boy: So about this whole wet dream thingy…

–C Train

Posted on August 12, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Central Park, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Horny, Laundromat, Movies, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Port Authority, Questions, Shoes, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

But I Don't Smile for the Camera Anymore

Drunken woman: Know what? If he does that one more time I'm gonna nail-file my teeth down to my brain.
Drunken man: I did that once. Not as bad as you'd think.

–BBQ Place, Times Square

Posted on August 3, 2009
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Restaurants & Cafes, Times Square, Weirdness

If You Like This Quote, You'll Love Gaby Hoffmann and Christina Ricci in 200 Cigarettes

Drunk suburban girl: Come on! Let's go dance around in the fountain and take pictures of it! I love this city!
Begrudgingly sober suburban girl: Fuck this city. If we don't make the 12:37 back I'm going to drown you in that fountain.

–W 48th St

Posted on July 31, 2009
Dancing, Drunks, Girls, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Pictures, Threats

…Hint, Hint.

Duane Reade employee, pointing to back of store: You can't go in there, the floor's just been waxed.
Swaying drunk girl: So has my vagina, that doesn't mean people aren't allowed in there!

–Duane Reade

Posted on July 30, 2009
Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Duane Reade, Girls, Promiscuity, Vagina, Waxing

Drunks