Are Wednesday One-Liners Funny Ha-Ha, or Funny-Peculiar?

Guy eating pancakes: Everything's funny in retrospect, like the time I got that screwdriver stuck in my eye.

–IHOP, Brooklyn

Ancient Greek civilization professor: A sexual act, in some sense, for an observer is funny.

–Hunter College

Crazy lady: All the prostitutes need to be rounded up and stuck in churches! (teen girl laughs) You think that's funny? It's not gonna be funny when you are in a hospital addicted to crack!

–Water St & Broad St

Girl to her friend: Wouldn't it be funny if human beings could only walk forward and backwards?

–8th St & 2nd Ave

Lady sitting with girlfriends: It's funny because I'm pregnant, and he doesn't know.

–Starbucks

Drunken Jets fan to friends in Jets jerseys: That's not funny. You want to see something funny? (grabs wooden signpost, slams forehead into it) That's funny!

–W 4th & Barrow

Overheard by: jira monkey

Posted on July 19, 2021
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Church, Crazies, Drunks, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prostitution, Sex, Starbucks, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-liners Get There Somehow

Drunk guy on cell: We’re going to the Lower East Side. You can’t miss me–I’m in a rickshaw!

–2nd Avenue & 4th Street

Posted on July 15, 2021
Drunks, NYC Geography, On Cell, One-liners, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-liners are Out in the Streets

Hobo: Shit, I’m jus’ tryin’ ta get me some pussy and a beef sandwich.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jason K

Old bag lady: I’m looking for some change, some food, or a sexual partner.

–Lafayette & Great Jones

Hobo: I have something to say! I fucked your daughter! And she liked it! And she was tight!

–W. 4th & University

Overheard by: Snezhana Valdman

Hobo: Too many Police investigations stopping you from reaching your destination? I may be homeless, but I got a brain. It may not be a big brain, but it’s usingable!

–Staten Island ferry

Overheard by: Joel Guilbert

Hobo: Well, since you won’t give me money, one more thing. Has your sister or girlfriend, I don’t know who she is, ever told you that bag does not go with that coat?

–45th & 9th

Overheard by: Paul Schellenberg

Drunk hobo: Hey girl! You look like Aretha Franlin! R-E-S-E-C-P-T! R-E-S-E-C-P-T! Give me some respect!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Evan

Hobo: It’s 90 degrees out. Why are we wearing clothes? That’s mental illness.

–Rockefeller Center station

Posted on July 8, 2021
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Drunks, Food, Hobos, Lower Manhattan, Money & Class, Old People, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, Union Square and East Village

She Doesn’t See Sexual Assault as a Celebration, Like We Do

Drunk, creepy guy #1: She’s always telling us about our flaws, and why she won’t get with us, but she won’t listen to us tell her about her flaws!
Drunk, creepy guy #2, burning his hand with a lighter: Yeah, she probably acts the way she does because she was raped, but she’s like “I don’t want to talk about it!”

–1 train

Posted on June 11, 2021
Default, Drunks, Gripes, Guys, On the Subway, Rape, Weirdness

Much Like the Continued Popularity of Walker: Texas Ranger

Drunk guy to laughing Asian: There is no theory of evolution–only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Girlfriend: Babe, no more Chuck Norris, please!
Drunk guy: But Chuck Nor…
Girlfriend: No, give me one good reason you should talk about Chuck Norris.
Drunk guy (without hesitation): Cause god wanted 10 days to create the world, and Chuck Norris only gave him 6, do you want an 8-day work week? Huh?
Girlfriend to friend: How did I just lose this argument?
Friend: Yeah, that was unexpected.

–Zanzibar Bar

Overheard by: Wish i was chuck norris

Posted on May 29, 2021
About Celebrities, Asians, Bars & Clubs, Drunks, Friends, Girlfriends, God, Science, Time, Weirdness

Wednesday, with a One-Liner Chaser

Female day-drinking tourist: Oh shit, I left my vodka in the church!

–Outside Trinity Church

Man on cell: If it's possible to ferment it, we have fermented it.

–7th St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave

Middle-aged man to younger man: You know how cats and dogs–they eat and then they go? In one end and out the other. I'm like that. My bladder has room for the equivalent of one good cocktail.

–10th Ave and W 50th St

Overheard by: Ah….middle age

Commuter at 8 am: Beer. Beer.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: baconista

Old drunk walking into a liquor store, to clerk: Have you got my prescription?

–Broadway & 106th St

Overheard by: rickbruner

Posted on April 13, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Church, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Gay Man's Best Friend, Grand Central, Height, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Questions, Store, Street, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Will Be Your Ashtray/ I Will Be Your Bidet

Drunk woman to boyfriend, coming out of a restaurant: Can I sit on your face and smoke?
Man: Sure, honey!

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: Kenny

Posted on March 6, 2021
Body Parts, Boyfriends, Drunks, Kink, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Smoking, Weirdness

Sadly, the G Train Community Never Fully Accepted Him Again

Hammered 20-year-old, screaming: Yo, I fucked my boss! Yo, I fucked my boss! You ever fuck your boss? [Points to friend] He had to fuck some fat chick and I got my dick sucked all night by my boss! Yo, and she’s, like, 30. [Starts humping pole] She was like, ‘Uhhh, Jim*, give it to me! Fuck me harder!’

He falls on the floor, rolling around with more manic laughter.

Friend: Yo, shut up. I gotta take this train when I’m sober.

–G train

Overheard by: Please don’t look