Drunk chick #1: Oh my god, it’s sooo cold in here!
Drunk chick #2: I know! And I have to pee so bad! This is gonna take so long! There’s, like, an icebox where my twat used to be. There’s an icebox where my twat used to be!
–Bathroom, Tonic East
Drunk chick #1: Oh my god, it’s sooo cold in here!
Drunk chick #2: I know! And I have to pee so bad! This is gonna take so long! There’s, like, an icebox where my twat used to be. There’s an icebox where my twat used to be!
–Bathroom, Tonic East
Drunk girl: No, really, how drunk are you?
Sober guy: Very drunk.
Drunk girl: Really?
Sober guy: Oh, shit, you totally just flashed that guy your vagina!
–E train
Drunk girl #1: Have you let him cross the border?
Sober girl: W-what?
Drunk girl #2: You have, haven’t you?!
Sober girl: I don’t even know what ‘cross the border’ means…
Drunk girl #2: It means in the butt!
Drunk girl #1: C’mon, girl, let him cross it! Give that man citizenship!
–Lafayette & White
Overheard by: meanstreet
Drunk: See, my wife’s from Portugal and I’m from Italy — I want my reparations tonight!
Wife: Not at this rate.
Drunk: Oh, I am so sleeping on the couch tonight.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Marilyn
Guy: So, where were you this evening?
Sober girl #1: I was in Little Italy.
Drunk guy: Shoes! Go on YouTube and search for ‘shoes’!
Sober girl #1: Oh my god! I’ve seen that video! ‘These shoes cost…’
Drunk guy and sober girl #2: ‘Three hundred dollars‘!
Drunk girl: You two are hot. You should fuck her in the ass.
Guy: So, where were you this evening?
Sober girl #1: I was in Little Italy.
–4th Ave & 11th St
Drunk guy #1: Yo, how funny was that when I told him, ‘Dude, just stick your balls in her mouth’? Remember that?
Drunk guy #2: Ewww, man, his balls are disgusting!
–LIRR
Overheard by: mrbojangles
20-something: I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: mtrainetiquette
Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it's my half birthday in 10 days.
–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St
Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…
–34th St & 5th Ave
Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?
–45th & 8th
Drunk girl to hobo: It's my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!
–111 & Broadway
Drunk chick to passing jogger: Hey! Stop running! It makes me feel bad about myself!
–Outside Jake’s Dilemma, 81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Emily
Drunk black guy, to white couple: She don’t want your small white cock! She wants a big black cock, nine and a half inches!
White girl: Ewww! I hate black wiener.
–Hall & Myrtle, Clinton Hill
Overheard by: Luigi
Girl #1: What’s up?
Girl #2: Still recovering from last night.
Girl #1: It wasn’t that bad.
Girl #2: What? I passed out and woke up naked in the club.
Girl #1: See, I told you.
–Internet cafe, 63rd Drive, Queens
Overheard by: Interested Listener
