An unofficial memorial is covered with flowers, candles, cards and candy.
Drunk girl #1: Hey, who wants a Blow Pop?
Drunk guy: Um…I dunno.
Drunk girl #2: Don’t. It’s bad luck to take candy from the dead.
Drunk girl #1: …Yeah, I guess you’re right.
–3rd between A & B
Overheard by: The Vouk
Girl: Don’t die while I’m gone, okay?
Guy: Why not?
–66th & Columbus
Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I'm serious, if you watch porn, you won't have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.
–Brooklyn
Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin' all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?
–Bowling Green Station
Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don't, they're lying. Even the Pope masturbates!
–Union Square
Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It's not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!
–Outside Starbucks
Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what's the problem with that?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Robert G.
One-armed cracked-out dude to equally cracked-out girlfriend: And he's lookin' at me like he ain't never seen nobody stealin' before!
–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick
Overheard by: matthias
Drunk man to random girl on street: I mean, I stole this girls' shoelaces, and then she got really mad at me…
–2nd Ave & 4th St
Comedy show peddler: Who wants to buy some stolen shit? (pause) Nah, just kidding, who wants to see a comedy show?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ali
Woman with pink hair to friend: Fuck that bitch, she still stole my clothes when I was in jail.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Renny
Man to woman, about his father: Yeah, he was so great, so smart… A drug addict. He was always there for me. Like, if I needed something, anything, he'd go steal it for me. That's what sticks with you, you know?
–1 Train
Overheard by: RDM
Drunk girl: I just love a cock in my mouth! It is a fact of my life, like Blair and Tootie. I want to be carnivorous. I will eat fish if it's the only thing on the menu, but I really just want some meat! I'm not fishiverous!
–Party, Ditmars Boulevard, Astoria
Overheard by: likes steak AND seafood
Girl to friend: Surely if she was ever in possession of a penis, then on merit she would inherit the family lobster farm?
–28th & 7th
Ginger: Garibaldi… That is so weird. That is the name of the California state fish. I wonder if the statue is named after the fish.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: camillo cavour
Man to wife: That's too much calamari, even for a homeless guy.
–East Village
Drunk guy #1, to buddies: Hey, fuckheads! It's this way!
Drunk guy #2: Man, we totally almost just died.
Drunk guy #1: Dude, no one is gonna to kill you here. We're in the East Village.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: JD
Snooty female 30-something to friend: Pap-smears are, to me, the new fake eyelashes.
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: ianbobian
Aggressive New Yorker: So he pulls out his fucking fake-ass parking pass, and I pull out my gun. And I'm like "you still wanna park here, asshole? Go ahead!"
–60th St & Broadway
Screaming drunk girl to slightly sober guy: If you're going to be fake to me, at least be fake to my face!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Really!?!?
Girl on cell: Okay, call me when you're done entertaining the fake Jews.
–Cafe, Church & Walker
Loud woman: No, it was a fake. I'd have to like, sleep with him to get the real one, you know?
–Hester & Mott
Overheard by: Jensel
Angry drunk yelling at man: Fuck you! Fuck your mother! I hope you die, you piece of shit!
Angry drunk's girlfriend: Will you just calm down?
Angry drunk: No, fuck that! I hope he dies! I hope his mother dies! I'll fucking go back in time and terminate his mother!
Brave stranger: (laughs)
Angry drunk: What the fuck are you laughing at motherfucker?
Brave stranger: Going back in time and terminating his mother.
Angry drunk: Well, okay, that is funny… I like that movie too. (pause) Fuck him, I hope he dies!
–Q Train
Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.
–Elevator, 56th & 8th
Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!
–Terminal 5
Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?
–Cafe Esperanto
Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!
–TriBeCa
Overheard by: lalala
Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.
–51st & 3rd
Overheard by: IG
Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.
–4 Train
Overheard by: BQM lady
Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!
–Astor Place
Man: I am D-R-U-N-C.
Woman: What? Are you spelling something? What does that spell?
–Trailer Park Lounge, West 23rd Street
Overheard by: Rachel Rappaport
Stumbling drunk woman, loudly: Do you have any b-l-o-w?!
Date: Great. Real subtle!
–E 11th St
Overheard by: filigreed
