Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Son: No.
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Rehey
College girl #1: Hey! How did your biology exam go?
College girl #2, proudly: No lube necessary!
–NYU
Overheard by: Mirna Rottencrotch
Student #1: Mister, what are some jobs I could look into if I got a Math major?
Teacher: Oh, there’s lots of options! You could be an engineer… an accountant…
Student #2: … A wizard…
–Stuyvesant High School
Latina: Oh my god! This girl had a busted, Mexican-looking face with just fat everywhere. You throw her in the water, that bitch will float!
White friend: Uhhh, humans float anyway.
Latina: Whatever, she was fat.
–Richmond Hill, Queens
Art teacher: Now you are true students of FIT! Nobody listens to directions!
–FIT
Nerd: They should have an alphabet bar… You know, where they sell you alphabets.
Girl: Wow, are you the new freak on the gymnastics team?
–Bronx Science Gymnastics Team
Overheard by: LSb
Grad student: It’s like Hogwarts. Witches go to Hogwarts. They don’t go to Harvard Witch Management.
–Think Coffee, Mercer & W 4th
Overheard by: this analogy makes no sense
German dude to other German dude, in rapid German: Voldemort! And Dumbledore!
–96th & Broadway
Overheard by: LeLeLe
Teen girl: He said that Dumbledore takes it up the ass. Seriously.
–1 train
Overheard by: Silverhawk
High school thug girl: Yo dead ass, Harry Potter is hot.
–Houston & Green
Overheard by: chedr
Perverted tween: I wonder how many old women are into Dumbledore. They must be like "oooooohh! Dumbledooooooore!"
–D train
Overheard by: tanechka
Drunk 20-something woman on cell: I’ve fallen off the Voldemort wagon!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: McFreaky
Tutor: So did you understand the story you read for homework?
Girl student: The first time I read it, I didn't understand it. But the second time, I was mad fucking high, and I got it.
–Oriental Boulevard, Brooklyn
Friend’s mom: So, Michelle said you just graduated. What is your degree in, Jessica?
Recent grad: I did! My major was Psychology, but I have a minor in Sex. Well, they call it ‘Sexual Studies.’
Friend’s mom: That’s great. Do you plan on teaching with it or…?
Recent grad: I could teach sex-ed, but I want to do something hands-on.
–Starbucks, Union Square
Overheard by: Melissa H.
Professor: When would be a good day for our review session?
Student: How about Friday?
Professor: Nope, sorry. Friday I'm gonna get my drink on!
Student: Can we have it in the bar?
–NYU
