Wednesday One-Liners Could Pinch Hit for William Safire

Wardrobe consultant chick: Hey Jorge*, el foodo is here! Wait a minute, what’s the word again?

–Men’s Wearhouse, 34th & 5th

Overheard by: erak

Tourist woman on cell: That’s not even the right thing to say to somebody in a fight. A "punk" is from the 50s. It’s like a tough guy or a street guy.

–56th & 5th

Woman on cell: You know what pull my finger means? Well you better start pulling your finger. Pull it 24/7.

–12th & 1st

Guy: Korean words don’t end in vowels, you fuckhead. Except for "Korea"… and "Hyundai".

–Chelsea Market

Yuppie dad lecturing two school-age sons: Last week, this girl in my class said that something just sucked and I told her, "You know, when you’re in English class, vocabulary is cool, and it’s better to say that something is disappointing instead of saying that it sucks."

–Tip-Top Shoes, W 72nd St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Man on cell: Do you know what trifling means?? No! It does NOT mean truffle-making!

–17th & 6th

Overheard by: Thirsty Violet

Guy, passing "La Bagel Delight": That means "The Bagel Delight" in
French!

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Posted on June 5, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Education, Food, Global Geography, Gripes, History & Geography, Language Barrier, Languages, Questions, School and studying, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Ricky and Fred Decide to Gay-Test Lucy's New Beau

Hipster #1: So she said he couldn't get it up?
Hipster #2: Yeah, but she's not sure if it's just all the heroin or that he's actually queer.
Hipster #1: But I mean, isn't that the case for every dude from Wesleyan?

–L Train

Posted on June 5, 2015
Default, Education, Erections, Gays and Lesbians, Heroin, Hipsters, On the Subway, Questions

She Says I Have to Stop Doing That at Parties

Girl #1: Cause our school gets to have three day field trips, but my mom never lets me go cause she's afraid I'll get raped, robbed, killed, or something like that. It's so unfair!
Girl #2: You tell her, “mom! I'm grown up! Look at my breasts!”

–49th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Potato

Posted on June 3, 2015
Age/Aging, Brooklyn, Default, Education, Fears, Girls, Private Parts, Violence

Has “Fruit” Been Reclaimed Yet?

Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Son: No.
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Rehey

Posted on June 3, 2015
Dads, Education, Food, Grand Central, Innuendo, Insults, Kids, Manhattan, Parents, People, Places, School and studying, Sex, Topics, Train Station, Venues

It Wasn’t That Big an Exam

College girl #1: Hey! How did your biology exam go?
College girl #2, proudly: No lube necessary!

–NYU

Overheard by: Mirna Rottencrotch

Posted on June 3, 2015
Education, Lube, NYU, Students

An Unindicted Coconspirator

Student #1: Mister, what are some jobs I could look into if I got a Math major?
Teacher: Oh, there’s lots of options! You could be an engineer… an accountant…
Student #2: … A wizard…

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on May 29, 2015
Education, Jobs & Careers, Magic, Questions, School, Students, Talking/Convos, Teachers/Professors

But We Never Did Get a Ruling on the Buoyancy of Churches, Cider, and Very Small Rocks

Latina: Oh my god! This girl had a busted, Mexican-looking face with just fat everywhere. You throw her in the water, that bitch will float!
White friend: Uhhh, humans float anyway.
Latina: Whatever, she was fat.

–Richmond Hill, Queens