Chinese waitress, serving food: Chicken Lo Mein?
Teen guy: Chicken oatmeal?
Chinese waitress: Yes.
–St Mark's Place
Overheard by: jamie
Headline by: RaindanceRichard
Runners-Up:
· “Ancient Chinese Secret, Huh?” – re-thinking my breakfast options
· “Avant-Garde Asian Cuisine Was Born Of Language Barriers” – Benjamin
· “Breakfast Of Beijing Olympic Champions” – Morning Glory
· “Lunch Special #27, Peking Duck Pop Tarts” – Bridie
· “Thats What We Call “Blunch”” – amandÅ
Student in line: So I usually get delivery from this other place, they deliver anything anytime.
Friend: Really? Sounds good, I should go there.
Student: Yeah, they'll deliver newspapers and Chinese food and burgers at 3 am. Sometimes they get it wrong, though, like once the delivery guy came and just tried to stuff a wad of cash into my hand.
Friend, clearly not listening: Hmm…
–Broadway & 115th
Overheard by: tell me more…
Mom to overactive five-year-old: No, they can't put chocolate sprinkles on yo' taco!
Overactive five-year-old, singing: Chocolate, chocolate, what a wonderful thing! Chocolate, chocolate, what a wonderful thing!
–Long Island City
Overheard by: astoria mets fan
Asian lady in geisha costume, passing out fliers: Lunch specials, grand opening, fresh sushi!
Black dude: Excuse me, but me and my friend had a bet…are you dressed like girls from the movie Memoirs of Engagement?
–53rd & Lexington
Overheard by: An
Gay guy to friend on phone: Oh my god, she's not answering her phone? She's having sex. If she's not answering her phone, then she is definitely having sex. Hang up now, because she's having sex.
–Union Square
Overheard by: 1-900-Leave-A-Message
Flamboyant gay on cell: And oh. My. God. Let me just tell you about the cock. The fucking cock. It was eight inches of fucking perfection. I swear to god! It was beautiful. And I was always thinking like, "He's so perfect, there has to be something wrong with him. He must curve to the left or something." But no. I want to take pictures of it.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Julia
Hot gay guy: I went shopping, got a 90-minute massage and then started drinking. It's been, like, the best day ever.
–Barrage, 47th & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Flaming gay handler: I was going to wear my gold ankle booties, but I was afraid they'd clash with my Beagle's fur!
–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Amber
20-something gay office worker: He's buying me a wok! I think it's for real! (pause) I'll chicken-fry his rice.
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: spf
Gay to faghag: So, you ready to go? We can talk about vagina at Lincoln center. (pauses, takes in her reaction) No? Too off-topic?
–Subway Restaurant, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: onelinerwonder
White woman with two kids: Oh my god! Look! These lollipops are designed to look like the faces of little white children!
Asian woman: Yeah–they're made of molded chocolate.
White woman: I love Asian grocery stores!
White woman's kid: Mommy, mommy! Can I have it? I want to eat the white child!
–New Kam Man, Canal St
Overheard by: office peon can be wary of white people
Teen: No Mexican food. I don't need diarrhea.
Teen with Mohawk: Your mom has diarrhea. Diarrhea gave your mom a coma.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Livingston
Old woman #1: Didn't you know that Asian people just love animals?
Old woman #2 (aggrieved): Then why do they eat them?
–Court & Degraw
Gangsta, passing sushi restaurant: Yo. You wanna eat sushi?
Girlfriend: Sushi? You don't even eat pussy, how you gonna eat sushi?
–8th St b/w 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Garry Lash
Girl #1: Oh my god! Who's cooking Ramen!?
Girl #2: I am.
Girl #1: You *totally* read my mind!
–Fordham University, Bronx
Overheard by: Jess McGins
