What's So Deadly About Wednesday One-Liners?

Gluttony

Cashier lady: Damn, thank the Lord it's Friday! I'ma go to the heights and get me some margaritas and some quesadittas and get drunk and fat and happy. Damn!

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Sam

Lust

Woman to male friend: Oh, that sucks! I'm such a whore…

–5th Ave & 12th St

Greed

Teenager on school field trip eating sushi and talking to chaperon: Daddy, can I borrow some money for the gift shop? My credit card is down to its last $200.

–Metropolitan Museum of Art Cafe

Sloth

Hipster, seeing that there was construction on the train: Ugh, what are we–going to have to walk places now?

–L Train

Wrath

Library staff: Group study room people, we know who you are. Because we have your IDs. Please come downstairs and pick them up so we don't have to unleash our wrath on you.

–Brooklyn College Library

Envy

Two woman walking tall dog: I mean… can you believe that I used to carry him in my Givenchy bag and wrap him in cashmere as a puppy? I would be jealous!

–Bleecker & Spring

Pride

Girl, grabbing her ass: Don't you just love my ass? My ass rocks. I love my ass!

–Battery Park

Posted on September 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Battery Park, Beauty, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Cashiers, Clothing, Compliments, Dads, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Duane Reade, Ethnic Food, Fashion, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Happiness, Hipsters, Insults, Library, Man's Best Friend, Money & Class, Names, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Promiscuity, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Teens, The Met, Threats, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Women

Doesn't It, Like, Interfere with Daily Life?

Average 20-something woman: So they ordered from that Chinese place for lunch.
Too-skinny 20-something: Isn't that the third time this week?
Average 20-something woman: I don't understand the fascination with eating from the same place three times a week.
Too-skinny 20-something: I don't understand the fascination with eating a meal three times a week.

–L Train

Overheard by: Rina

Posted on August 7, 2009
Diet/Weight, Ethnic Food, On the Subway, Questions, Skinny People, Time, Women

…But Only to See His Avocados.

Party girl #1 looking at camera: Whoa… When did this happen?
Party girl #2: Oh, this was awesome. Guacamole make-out sessions. He was all like “I just wanna kiss you with all kinds of sloppy dips between our lips.”
Party girl #1: So you did? And you got a picture?
Party girl #2: Hell yeah!
Party girl #1: You are so going home with him tonight, aren't you?
Party girl #2: Hell yeah!

–Studio B, Banker St, Brooklyn

Posted on August 2, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Ethnic Food, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Pictures, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Not All Of Confucius's Sayings Are Gems

Girl shopping for vegetables: What's the difference between these two kinds of broccoli rabe?
Asian farmer: One is Chinese broccoli rabe. It's more sweet. The other kind is bitter.
Girl: Why are some of them yellow and some of them green?
Asian farmer: That's just different names, like how some mens is short and some mens is tall.

–Fort Greene Farmers Market

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Posted on July 24, 2009
Asians, Brooklyn, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Ethnic Food, Height, Questions, Sensory Experiences

…But Could You Hold the Soup?

Dumb woman looking at Chinese takeout menu: Chicken and rice soup. What's in it?
Confused woman behind counter: Chicken and rice.
Dumb woman: In a soup?
Confused woman: Yeeaah. That's why it's called “chicken and rice soup.”
Dumb woman: Okay, I'll have that.

–E 23rd St b/w Park Ave & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Janine

Posted on July 20, 2009
Chinese, Clerks, Customers, Ethnic Food, Idiots, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday Two-Faced Liners

Fat naked guy on cell in NYSC locker room: I'm just leaving the bank now.

–New York Sports Club

Girl on cell: Hello? Oh, hi mom. Yeah, yeah, it's really early here. Yeah, it's about two in the morning. Yeah, the Eiffel tower was beautiful. Yeah, right to the top. And then we had crepes, yeah.

–Columbia University

Guy at urinal: I'm walking toward baggage claim, where are you?

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Next urinal

Tweenybopper on phone: Hey, Xander? We're at my house. My mom says you and Corey can't come over. Sorry!

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Grumpy old man, walking alone, on cell: I can't! I've got my grandson with me!
(pause) Bitch, why would I lie to you? (pause) Okay, love you too.

–Harlem

Posted on July 15, 2009
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Ethnic Food, Family Ties, Fat People, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, LaGuardia Airport, Lies, Love, Nerds, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Starbucks, Time, Tourism, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners

“Young Adult” Wednesday One-Liners

Father to son: No five-year-old should be asking for Chilean sea bass for dinner.

–Joralemon & Court

Dapper man on cell: You used to be able to pass for twenty… uh… eight.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Chuckell

Middle aged woman clutching Twilight book, trying to exit bus while reading: God! These novels for 13-year-olds make me hot!

–B7 Bus

Overheard by: i know, i love it too…

Prissy woman on cell: I don't care if he's six years old, he doesn't have to throw a fucking temper tantrum every time he wakes up. I mean, get over yourself.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Eric

Guy to friend: I'm thirty years old now. I'm over thirty. I don't know how to live. I'm an "adult" now. But I don't know how to live–without someone taking care of me.

–F Train

Overheard by: Jason B

Older woman to almost-dead father: Dad, the doctor told me I have a 45-year-old vagina!

–Manhattan Office

Posted on July 15, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Bus, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Ethnic Food, Friends, Guys, Horny, Insults, Kids, Medicine, Men, Offers and requests, Office, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parents, Street, Vagina, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Oh, You'll Pray for Cancer

Jewish woman: You bought the wrong kind of challah!
Jewish man: So what? It's not the worst thing.
Jewish woman: Yes it is!
Jewish man: Is it worse than cancer?

–Union Turnpike, Queens

Posted on July 11, 2009
Cancer, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Jews, Queens, Questions

But That's Just Called “Being a New Yorker”

Girl: Why doesn't he just break his lease?
Guy: Well, because he's really frugal. Except when he drinks and buys sushi at 3 am.

–33rd & 6th

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on July 7, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Ethnic Food, Girls, Guys, Questions, Time

Never Met a Buppie Before?

Girl ordering patties: I'd like a beef and a veggie patty.
Guy working at patty shop: Before I get those, I want to say you are beautiful. I bet you've heard that five times today.
Girl: Oh, thanks, I've just been working out for an hour. Well, I've been doing yoga.
Guy: Yoga? But you're black!
Girl: Black people do yoga, too!

–Jamaican Pride, Flatbush

Overheard by: Chris R.

Posted on June 25, 2009
Beauty, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Ethnic Food, Girls, Pick-up Lines, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Vegetarian & Vegan, Yoga

Ethnic Food

Never Met a Buppie Before?