Fashion

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Need No Water, Let the Motherfucker Burn!

Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’

–CVS, 42nd & 3rd

Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire!

–Brooklyn-bound Q train

Overheard by: Incitatus

Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries.

–MacDougal Street Ale House

Overheard by: Ladle

Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire.

–Columbus Ave

Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?!

–Water St dorm, NYU

Overheard by: michael

The Colonel’s 11th Spice

Girl: She is so fucking dirty. I swear, whenever she touches her hair she has to wash her hands.
Guy: Or make fried chicken.

–52nd & 10th

Is It Really an Accomplishment to Score Pussy If You’re Gay?

Hipster: I’ve been meaning to talk to you about your new look. It’s rather… um… guido.
Guido: Yeah, I know. But the pussy, dude — the pussy, you wouldn’t believe.
Hipster: It better be good, because your eyebrows are waxed. And you’re a man.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: guido hater

NYers on the Issues: Shoes

Hispanic girl on cell: I don’t care what shoes you’re wearing, you’re still Puerto Rican!

–92nd & Broadway

Woman: When a girl tells a guy she likes his shoes, that means she wants to fuck him.

–Delancey St.

Here, Let Me Help You with That

Chick looking at vagina jewelry in sex shop: I don’t understand how you put it on.
Guy: I don’t know… Oh, I see! It goes around your labia majora!

–8th Ave

Sunday to Friday We’re Totally Vanilla

Professor: I don’t know why everyone’s in drag today. There are just some days like that.
Queer student: Oh, honey. That’s Saturday at my house.

–NYU Silver Center

Well, Except for the Loving

Old man: I like those boots.
Woman: Thank you.
Old man: But not the pants. They don’t work for me.
Woman: No? Sorry about that.
Old man: Yeah, I don’t like the dungarees. It’d look nice if you had a nice blue, deep purple pant suit.
Woman: Oh, you think so?
Old man: Yeah! You like my suit? Yeah, you do. I make it myself. You have to wear colors. I make all my own clothes, because I don’t like machines. No alcoholing, no smoking, no loving. I don’t like machines, I only like people.

–A train

Overheard by: Fashionista

Beautiful and Witty

Drunk guy: Why should I invite you up to my apartment?
Drunk girl: Because I’m beautiful ASSHOLE!

–80th & 2nd

Wednesday One-Liners, Dry-Clean Only

Suit on cell: And three girls we know will be there. They're all hideous. But at least they're girls.

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Heinz

Man in suit: The building is surrounded by outside. Right before you go in and when you come out, you are outside!

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Suit whining on cell: Aw, come on! I wanna be on top this time!

–Flushing

Overheard by: Zee

Suit: The only time I wore socks last year was during my swearing in.

–Maiden & William

Suit: You know, we should probably just send a company-wide email in the morning: "hey guys, we're fucked."

–Wall St

Overheard by: Tamcakes

Nigga, Please!

White guy #1: What’s she look like?
White guy #2: She’s really hot, she’s black.
White guy #1: You mean African-American.
White guy #2: No, I don’t.
White guy #1: But you said she’s black.
White guy #2: Right, she’s Sicilian. She’s neither African nor American.
White guy #1: Well, her family must have come from Africa at some point.
White guy #2: Yeah, like 1000 years ago.
White guy #1: Ok, then she’s African.

–39th & 3rd

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