Customer at deli called “Bagel”: So, do you serve bagels here?
Waitress: No, we actually serve sports gear, but the models next door sells bagels.
–Bagel Deli
Overheard by: Amanda
Guy: I'd like the two-for-one sundae deal.
Employee, agitated: It's not two-for-one!
Guy: It's not?
Employee: It's “buy one, get one free”!
–6th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Nacci
Ditzy runner #1: So I was like “did you use your juicer?” and he was like “yeah, but it went bad” and I was like “how did it go bad?” and he was like “well, I juiced a potato!”
Ditzy runner #2: A potato?
Ditzy runner #1, pleased with her story: a potato.
–Central Park, During JP Morgan Chase 5K Run
Hobo lady: Can any of y’all help me? I need some food!
Rider lady: Would you like this?
Hobo lady: What the hell is that?
Rider lady: It’s a kiwi.
Hobo lady: Bitch! I said I need some food!
–1 train
Overheard by: Owen Jacob Ghitelman
Young tourist daughter: Daddy, what’s falafel?
Convinced tourist father: Roast beef.
–Falafel cart, 49th & 6th
Overheard by: New Yorkleans Nick
Tall thug to another: Yo,… I love jail food!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Never had it
Dad to overly excited daughter: Yes, you can tell your mom you went in the bouncy castle in front of the prison.
–Atlantic & Smith
Screaming four-year-old to mom: Are you going to put me in jail?
–Q Train
Young mother to baby, pinching his cheeks: Daddy's in prison! Prisonprisonprisonprisonprison!
–Jackson Heights, Queens
Overheard by: Giving up all hope Newsbunny
Queer: You are all a bunch of crackers…What are you laughing at, Jew? We have a cracker and a Jew, it’s like a Lunchable.
–1 train
Chick #1: What is in that thing?
Chick #2: It’s cantaloupe-infused vodka.
Chick #1: What, the meat?
Chick #1: Look! There are crocodiles in the lake!
Chick #2: No, there aren’t.
Chick #1: Yes, I just saw its nostrils poking out.
–The Boathouse, Central Park
Overheard by: Elyse
Woman: Does this bus go to the Garden?
Bus driver: No, the M10 or 20 goes to Madison Square Garden.
Woman: Not that Garden; Olive Garden!
–M104 bus
Overheard by: Suzanne Cerquone
Girl #1: I heard there’s this restaurant that charges $500 for a plate.
Girl #2: Damn what they serving, human?
–Olive Garden, Times Square
Overheard by: Kyle
Hipster on cell: Dude, yeah, coffee gives me the shits too; but I'd rather have the shits than no coffee.
–Dunkin' Donuts
Overheard by: Madalyn
Poet, selling self-published book on train: We're like Starbucks coffee and biscotti; you're tall and hot and I'm hard and nutty.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Marc
Little girl to mother: It's like every single person in the whole wide world came to Starbucks and we were the veeeerrrrryyy last ones.
–Starbucks
Colonel Sanders-looking man, in strong Southern accent: I want somethin cold… Whadya git?
–Starbucks
