Food

Wednesday One-Liners Go Directly to My Thighs

Teeny tiny gay guy: I used to be so skinny in high school.

–Staten Island

Teenage girl to another: I mean, why bother to eat anything if you're just gonna shit it all out?

–L Train

Woman carrying baby to friend: Also, I burn an extra 500 calories a day just by breastfeeding!

–5th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: Tracy

20-something guy, about Sour Patch Kids gummy candy: They're fat-free, so they're good for you!

–4 Train

Six-year-old girl, eating bagel: All of the fat from this is going to go straight to my ass!

–A Train

Overheard by: that's just great

She's a Huge Mariah Carey Fan.

Gen X chick #1: Why are you looking at radishes?
Gen X chick #2: I find vegetables interesting.

–Greenmarket, Union Square

Overheard by: stephie

I Can't Read the Work Permit

Very little black kid, anxiously standing in line: Mommy, why can't I get dessert?
Mother: Why don't you get a job, nigga?

–KFC

So Much for McDonald's and the Global Village

Soft spoken Greek man at McDonald's counter: Excuse me, do you have breakfast?
Large uninterested lady employee: Honey, we got all the breakfast you want. (points to pictures)
Soft spoken Greek man: Uhm… where is this breakfast?
Lady employee, getting mad: Right up here–anything you want!
Soft spoken man Greek man: So what kind of omelet are you serving today?

–La Guardia Airport

Overheard by: David

Beer Washes Away the Guilt

Woman #1: Are you getting ice cream?
Woman #2: I'm getting beer.
Woman #1: I thought you said you wanted something chocolatey.
Woman #2: I want chocolate and beer.

–Deli, Lexington b/w 84th & 85th

Overheard by: Daveistrad

You Guys Still Haven't Talked About That Night?

20-something chick: Oh my god! So he's gay now?
Dude, muttering: I dunno…
20-something chick: I'm sorry, what?
Dude: Where's a damn Twix bar when you need one?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Rosie

Given Your G-Rated Childhood

4-year-old boy to father waiting in line to buy ice cream cone: I used to like chocolate, but not so much anymore. (pauses to consider) Now I think it's disgusting.
Father, shocked: That's pretty strong language!

–Bittersweet Cafe, DeKalb Ave

Overheard by: Hilariter

I'd Eat Human Babies If They'd Make My Thighs Look Smaller

Little boy: The Russians eat brains?
Mom, looking at cookbook: This is a French cookbook.
Little boy: The french eat brains?!
Mom: Not human brains. Animals'.
Little boy: That's disgusting!
Mom: Yes, it's very high in cholesterol.

–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lexington

The Food Police Are Everywhere

Larger woman in elevator eating Snickers bar: No matter what I do, I can't lose no weight!
Less fat friend: Mm-hmm.
(elevator goes one floor up and stops. Both go to get off)
Suit #1: Unbelievable, no wonder you have weight issues.
Larger woman: What? 'scuse me? What you know about me?
Suit: Other than you are fat, can't take the stairs for one floor, and are stuffing your face with a king size Snickers?
Less fat friend: Shit, he do know you.

–40th & 8th

Overheard by: SandmanEsq

You're Right, but for All the Wrong Reasons

Not from New York husband: Honey, we can eat over there. (points at Tavern on the Green)
Not from New York wife: Ew! No, I am not going to eat at a tavern. That's gross.

–Central Park

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