Black hipster #1: Oh my god! These jeans are sick! They’re lime green and making my eyeballs hurt!
Black hipster #2: Oooh, oooh, show me!
Black hipster #1, exiting dressing room: Man, my dick hurts ’cause they so tight! But daaamn… I look good!
–American Apparel
Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"
–Fulton St
Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom!
–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn
Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine.
–Downtown 2 Train
Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!
–10th & 53rd
Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby.
–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Bryan Bruner
Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.
–Metro-North Rail Tracks
Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice
Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!
–Broadway
Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez
Middle-aged woman with dog, pointing at French bulldog in the distance: Look -is that puddin’?
Friend: I hate puddin’. She always wins the costume contest.
Woman: Yeah. I mean, what was it this year? Raggedy Ann? Please.
–Ft. Tryon Dog Park
Girl #1: I find it tart, too. Also kind of musky and a little sweet.
Girl #2: Mmm. Wait! Are you talking about pineapple or pussy?
–Washington Heights
Headline by: Jay B
Runners-Up:
· “A little bit of everything goes into an Orange Julius” – Mike
· “A normal conversation between two airport drug smugglers” – Scott
· “And Why is This Tasting Room So Crowded?” – Greg Costello
· “Can it be both?” – saltwater
· “Pussy! But not yours. Yours is nasty.” – Andy Adelewitz
· “Pussy.” – Ray
· “That’s why the Hawaiian word for pineapple is “poon”” – marcusj
· “The One with the Hole in the Middle” – DanC
Woman: All my anorexic friends undereat during pregnancy.
Female friend: (nervous chuckle)
Woman: I mean, come on.
–Bedford & N 10th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: sarah
Woman: Once my mom let me go to school, when I was eight, in a training bra and a see-through baby blue crocheted hand-knit sweater that my grandma made.
Man: What the fuck?
Woman: Yeah. I got made fun of something fierce. That’s when I realized my mom’s a crazy bitch.
Man: Heh.
Woman: But you know what? I fucking love her. I love that crazy-ass bitch.
–7 train, Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Ryan
Guy #1: What you got going this summer?
Guy #2: I got like 3 jobs.
Guy #1: That’s crazy. Work’s cool and everything, but that don’t leave no pussy time. And I’ve got to be fucking some bitch.
–Lehman College bookstore
Guy: I was seeing her for a while, but it just wasn’t working out. I guess I’m not over Jessica.
Girl: What?
Guy: What do you mean, what?
Girl: I thought you were gay.
Guy: Oh, because I’m a hairdresser. How original. Just because I’m a hairdresser you think I’m gay.
Girl: No. I thought you were gay because when I stayed at your house four years ago I woke up and saw you fucking Matt in the ass!
Guy: Oh my God. Matt and I have never talked about that night.
–9th & B
Overheard by: GavinM
Asian to another: And it's like, how many ABCs are there at NYU these day?
Girl to friend, once off train: What's an ABC?
Friend: Asian by Choice?
–F Train
Crying queer: I just wasted my time and his for five years.
Consoling friend: Don’t have a negative attitude. Never look at a relationship like that. Every relationship, no matter how bad, adds to your life. I feel that with every relationship you always walk away with something. [Queer rolls eyes.] How about all that jewelry?!
–Kittichai Thompson Hotel
Overheard by: Never walked away with anything
