British tourist guy: Come on, think, how many hours have spent together sober?
British touris girl: Two and a half.
British tourist guy: Now, how many hours have we spent together stoned?
British tourist girl: Two and a half … thousand!
–Q train
Overheard by: Ben Couch
Woman: I can’t imagine sleeping with any of my male friends.
Man: You just need to ignore personality.
–Nacho’s Kitchen, 112th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Girl #1: I can’t believe you hang out with that guy…All of your friends are such losers!
Girl #2: Well, I hang out with you, don’t I?
Girl #1: I think that proves my point more than it does yours.
–77th & Columbus
Chick #1: Well most of your friends are losers anyway. Who cares what they do?
Chick #2: No, one of them’s engaged.
–F train
Overheard by: Kira
Crazy dude: Daffy Duck is my favorite character, but Walt Disney was an anti-Semite and I’m a Jew. I used to watch cartoons but someone stole my television.
Dude #2: Daffy Duck stole your television?
Crazy dude: No. Daffy Duck is my best friend.
–F train
Overheard by: Gunner
Teen boy #1: People tell me that I have an “I think I’m better than everyone” complex. But the thing is, that I don’t think I’m better than everyone, I know I am. I’m more intelligent, more thoughtful, more articulate…
Teen boy #2: Prettier…
Teen boy #1: Well, I don’t know about prettier, but I know I’m better than most people.
Teen boy #2: I know. The problem is when you say that, people think you’re an asshole. And it’s like, at work, I know I’m so much smarter than everyone there, but I can never do anything right. They never listen to me because I’m only 18 years old.
–M60 bus
Overheard by: Abby
Bag lady: Hey, you guys, can you help me out? I’m really hungry!…You need a dye job, you know! Your roots are showing.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Drew
Ghetto guy: I meant to say it like dat, dat’s my new ting, the Jamaican vibe.
Girl : Jamaicans don’t talk like that. Weirdo.
Ghetto guy: Yeah, they do. Hater. I tink usa hater, mon! Blocka, blocka, blocka.
Girl: I’m about to swing a block against your head. I know a lot of Jamaicans. They don’t talk like that.
Ghetto guy: I ain’t pickin at ’em. I just like how they talk. And the day you swing a block at my head, you betta know Jesus!
–Chan Library of Fine Arts, East 78th Street
Hipster guy: I’m doing two 7th graders at a time now.
Girl: The same two?
Hipster guy: Naw, I couldn’t stand those little bitches; these are their friends or something…and I don’t even have to take my guitar.
–Elevator, DUMBO
Drunk girl: I’m not that drunk. I hate how when I only get a little drunk I still slur words.
–Astoria
Hipster girl: She was all, “Yeah, Betsy is my best friend,” and I was like, “Best friend? That is so fucking bourgeois.”
–L train
Girl: I know you made it. Look at you. You got a BlackBerry. Yeah, you made it. You got that good-smelling leather.
–Elevator, 12th & 5th
Overheard by: Thirsty Violet
Professor lady: Yes, we’ll be going into debt a lot as the semester goes on.
–Parsons School of Design
Overheard by: Ray
Teen boy: Anyone on this train wanna buy some candy? It’s not for a basketball team or something, it’s for me so I can buy more candy.
–2 train
Overheard by: Sarah
Intercom: Please take a headset before you get on the plane, because they’re free now. They’re actually free once you get on the plane, but I charge $50 labor for bringing them to you once you’re on. So it’s in your best interests to take one now. Can you tell I’m a happy person?
–LaGuardia
Chick: I’m not even gonna try applying for a Gap card; they’ll never give it to me. I don’t know what it is about Gap; they always know if you have bad credit.
–The Gap, 34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dianora
Tween boy: What do you mean, I can’t get anything? I’m the one with a job.
–Key Food, Park Slope
Overheard by: Shack
