Girl: I was like, “High school is over. I can’t wait to get away from everyone!” And then, thanks to you, I actually realized that I might miss some people. You, James*, Gabrielle*, Dave V.*, Karen G.*!
Guy: But all of us except James are going to St. John’s, and he’s coming here to Queens.
Girl: But Gabrielle is going to Jersey! Everyone knows that once you go to Jersey, your soul dies.
–Queens College campus
Overheard by: Peter G.
College queer #1, trying to squeeze into seat at crowded table: Oh god, I’m too fat!
College queer #1: No you’re not. Then I wouldn’t be your friend.
–All About Food, NYU
Overheard by: Pri
British tourist guy: Come on, think, how many hours have spent together sober?
British touris girl: Two and a half.
British tourist guy: Now, how many hours have we spent together stoned?
British tourist girl: Two and a half … thousand!
–Q train
Overheard by: Ben Couch
Woman: I can’t imagine sleeping with any of my male friends.
Man: You just need to ignore personality.
–Nacho’s Kitchen, 112th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Girl #1: I can’t believe you hang out with that guy…All of your friends are such losers!
Girl #2: Well, I hang out with you, don’t I?
Girl #1: I think that proves my point more than it does yours.
–77th & Columbus
Chick #1: Well most of your friends are losers anyway. Who cares what they do?
Chick #2: No, one of them’s engaged.
–F train
Overheard by: Kira
Crazy dude: Daffy Duck is my favorite character, but Walt Disney was an anti-Semite and I’m a Jew. I used to watch cartoons but someone stole my television.
Dude #2: Daffy Duck stole your television?
Crazy dude: No. Daffy Duck is my best friend.
–F train
Overheard by: Gunner
Teen boy #1: People tell me that I have an “I think I’m better than everyone” complex. But the thing is, that I don’t think I’m better than everyone, I know I am. I’m more intelligent, more thoughtful, more articulate…
Teen boy #2: Prettier…
Teen boy #1: Well, I don’t know about prettier, but I know I’m better than most people.
Teen boy #2: I know. The problem is when you say that, people think you’re an asshole. And it’s like, at work, I know I’m so much smarter than everyone there, but I can never do anything right. They never listen to me because I’m only 18 years old.
–M60 bus
Overheard by: Abby
Bag lady: Hey, you guys, can you help me out? I’m really hungry!…You need a dye job, you know! Your roots are showing.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Drew
Ghetto guy: I meant to say it like dat, dat’s my new ting, the Jamaican vibe.
Girl : Jamaicans don’t talk like that. Weirdo.
Ghetto guy: Yeah, they do. Hater. I tink usa hater, mon! Blocka, blocka, blocka.
Girl: I’m about to swing a block against your head. I know a lot of Jamaicans. They don’t talk like that.
Ghetto guy: I ain’t pickin at ’em. I just like how they talk. And the day you swing a block at my head, you betta know Jesus!
–Chan Library of Fine Arts, East 78th Street
Hipster guy: I’m doing two 7th graders at a time now.
Girl: The same two?
Hipster guy: Naw, I couldn’t stand those little bitches; these are their friends or something…and I don’t even have to take my guitar.
–Elevator, DUMBO
