Slutty lesbian chick buying ice cream: So then she says “Scream! I'm going to keep spanking you until you scream!”
Slightly less slutty chick: So what did you do?
Slutty lesbian chick: Well, I wanted it to be hot, but when it came out it wasn't so much an “I'm getting spanked, and it's hot” scream as it was an “I'm shitty and it hurts” grunt.
–Grocery Store, The Bronx
Girl #1: So, I heard your sister slept with another guy last night…
Girl #2: Yeah, I know. I love her, because she’s, like, my sister and all. But seriously, she’s going to get a fucking disease.
Girl #1: It’s really easy to. I mean, I only sleep with girls, and remember when I got one?
–Line for Ani D. concert, Central Park
Overheard by: tiffany.
Dude #1: How's your sister doing?
Dude #2: She's fine.
Dude #1: So what is it with all these lesbians looking like Justin Bieber?
–2 Train
Overheard by: DG
8-year-old: Today Jahzeer and Wassef told Steven he was gay and lesbian! And Steven started to cry!
Older sister: Oh. And did you tell them that wasn’t very nice?
8-year-old: No. The teacher started yelling at them! It was very entertaining. I was excited to be there.
–Corona, Queens
Overheard by: Amy
Middle aged black lady, giving subway directions: So what are you trying to get to on 42nd Street?
Group of teen girls: Home.
Lady: Homos?
Girls: Home!
Lady: Oh, I thought you said homos, I was gonna tell you to send them to church!
–Uptown F train
Lesbian #1: I love you.
Lesbian #2: Do you love me even when we’re like Bert and Ernie?
Lesbian #1: Of course! Wait, who’s Bert?
Lesbian #2: Me. I’ve been so uptight.
Lesbian #1: Great. So you’re the tall, thin, uptight one and I’m the short, fat, stupid one.
–Union Square
Queer: We want girly drinks. Something fruity.
Bartwink: Okay? Did you have anything in mind?
Queer: Can you talk in a higher pitch when we’re talking about girly drinks?
–Barracuda, W. 22nd Street
Guido father to daughter and her gay friend: He was a real cocksucker… (realizes gay friend might be offended) But you know…not in the, uh, bad way.
Gay friend: Oh, believe me, I've met plenty of bad cocksuckers.
–LIRR
Overheard by: bill
Doctor guy: What brings you here today?
Woman: You’re not wearing ID. Are you a doctor?
Doctor guy: Oh, I’m sorry, I left it at the computer.
He goes to get it.
Man: What didja do that for?
Woman: How do you know he’s really a doctor? He could be a homosexual.
–Coney Island Hospital
Overheard by: Iris Kalashnikova
A well-dressed African-American businessman passes.
Thug #1: He a faggot.
Thug #2: Yo, shut up, man. That faggot got money!
–19th & 7th
Overheard by: Manhattman
