Lesbian #1: I love you.
Lesbian #2: Do you love me even when we’re like Bert and Ernie?
Lesbian #1: Of course! Wait, who’s Bert?
Lesbian #2: Me. I’ve been so uptight.
Lesbian #1: Great. So you’re the tall, thin, uptight one and I’m the short, fat, stupid one.
–Union Square
Queer: We want girly drinks. Something fruity.
Bartwink: Okay? Did you have anything in mind?
Queer: Can you talk in a higher pitch when we’re talking about girly drinks?
–Barracuda, W. 22nd Street
Guido father to daughter and her gay friend: He was a real cocksucker… (realizes gay friend might be offended) But you know…not in the, uh, bad way.
Gay friend: Oh, believe me, I've met plenty of bad cocksuckers.
–LIRR
Overheard by: bill
Doctor guy: What brings you here today?
Woman: You’re not wearing ID. Are you a doctor?
Doctor guy: Oh, I’m sorry, I left it at the computer.
He goes to get it.
Man: What didja do that for?
Woman: How do you know he’s really a doctor? He could be a homosexual.
–Coney Island Hospital
Overheard by: Iris Kalashnikova
A well-dressed African-American businessman passes.
Thug #1: He a faggot.
Thug #2: Yo, shut up, man. That faggot got money!
–19th & 7th
Overheard by: Manhattman
Guy: I love porn. I've got XTube bookmarked.
Slightly older guy: You're a gay man in New York: of course you love porn. It's in the rulebook.
–42nd St, near Broadway
Guy #1: You know Jason?
Guy #2: The gay one?
Guy #1: Yeah.
Guy #2: What about him?
Guy #1: I saw him kiss a girl.
Guy #2: Was it like a friend kiss?
Guy #1: No, there was tongue and everything.
Guy #2: So he’s not gay?
Guy #1: I don’t think so.
Guy #2: Fuck! Now I can’t brag that I have a gay friend anymore!
Guy #1: Don’t worry, you can still say he’s bi since we still have no proof that he is not interested in guys.
Guy #2: That’s a good idea. Interesting…you know what, that’s what I’ll do, cause there is just no way in hell that Jason is straight.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Ting
NYU guy to pal: If you could pick any five girls, and one of them had to be Tom Cruise…
–St. Mark’s & 3rd
Overheard by: Lexey
Man: If Leonard Cohen were a hamster, I’d kill him.
–Freddy’s Bar, Brooklyn
Hobo: Donald Trump is my cousin, but he doesn’t know it because I came out black.
–Museum Mile
Teen girl on cell: Hey, I just read that Brad and Angelina decided to adopt their next kid from Vietnam. You totally have a shot… No, seriously, you should apply. I mean, I guess you’d have to try out and stuff, but it’d so be worth it.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Whitehall St
Skinny black goth girl: Am I gay, or am I Paris Hilton?!
–Cardozo High School
MTA elevator operator to another: You don’t have to be forgiven. Clint Eastwood taught us that.
–1 train station elevator, 168th St
Overheard by: martin gehrke
Guy on cell in line: Yeah, she’s messing around with Michael Jordan and shit! You do not want your lady messing around with Michael Jordan!
–Rite Aid, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: dutchman
Young gay guy, crying: But I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Old gay guy: They why did I catch you with Robert*'s dick in your mouth?
Young gay guy: Well, he is my boss…
–Soho Grand Hotel
Drunk girl, holding hands with a boy and a girl: Oh, this is the bisexual block!
Less drunk friend: Uh… Let's take a picture of this diner so I don't forget it.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Teri
