Man's Best Wednesday One-Liners

Man: So I was making out with my ex girlfriend on the bridge and out of nowhere this dog runs over and starts humping my leg…

–Uptown 1 Train

Dude outside bar: All dogs are gay.

–7th Avenue, Park Slope

Overheard by: The Katie

Black man arguing with kiosk man: Yo, he ain't my son, he's my dog!

–6th Street

Middle-aged woman walking her dog to passersby: I'm a dog! I don't know why none of you believe me! I talk to my dog. Humans don't talk to animals, animals talk to animals! I'm not human! And until you people realize that, you're going to keep having problems with me!

–9th St & University Place

Overheard by: Katie

Drunk guy to girls walking puppy: Hey giiirl. Watch yo dawg. Giiirl! Watch yo dog… Cuz I might bite!

–Staten Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: Izzy

(teacher's cell rings)
Teacher: I have a feeling I have to answer this. It's very important. It's about my puppy.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: student

Posted on August 27, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Crazies, Crazy, Customers, Drunks, Family Ties, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, On the Subway, Park Slope, Sexuality, Staten Island, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, We Love Our Pets, Women

Can't We Just Have Anonymous Anal at the Gym Like Normal People?

Meathead #1: Hey, if we went camping and got really drunk, and you woke up with a used condom in your ass, would you tell anyone?
Meathead #2: Ummmm no. I don't think I would.
(five minutes later)
Meathead #1: Wanna go camping?

–C Train

Posted on August 26, 2008
Backdoor, Condoms, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Leisure, Meatheads, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Travel

“Ick” Is Metrosexual in Origin

woman #1: I think he's gay. He uses the word “eeek” a lot.
Woman #2: “I-c-k”?
Woman #1: No, “e-e-e-c-k”.
Woman #2: Isn't it “c-h”?
Woman #1: “C-h,” “c-k,” who cares! But that's gay, right?
Woman #2: Totally.

–Dylan Prime Restaurant, Tribeca

Posted on August 24, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

She's Better With Multi-Part Answers Than I Am

Activist: Excuse me, do you have a minute for gay rights?
Little boy: Daddy, what's gay rights?
Father: Umm… ask your mother.

–Bedford & N. 2nd, Williamsburg

Posted on August 23, 2008
Activists, Boys, Dads, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Kids, Offers and requests, Questions, Williamsburg

…No Disrespect, Dad

Father: …and a sugar cookie.
Barista: Which color?
Father (to son): Which color do you want? (to barista) Purple.
Seven-year-old son: No, pink!
Father: Okay.
Seven-year-old son: But that doesn't mean I'm gay.

–Starbucks, 23rd & 5th

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Posted on August 21, 2008
Baristas, Boys, Colors, Dads, Default, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Starbucks, Wishes & desires

“I Have Scabies” Works Equally Well

Creep (yelling out of window): Oh, sexy! Look at you in that red shirt! I love girls in colors!
Girl #1 (yelling and running): I'm married!
Girl #2: Shit, don't say that. You look like you're 12, no one will believe you're married.
Girl #1: Yeah, I should have said I was a lesbian.
Girl #2: He'll just think it's hot!
Girl #1: I did always think that was so weird about guys.
Girl #2: It's not just guys. A lot of girls think lesbians are hot, too.
Girl #1: Yeah, like, especially lesbians.

–6th Ave

Posted on August 11, 2008
Age/Aging, Colors, Compliments, Creepsters, Default, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Lies, Manhattan, Marriage, Physical appearance, Sexuality

I Pray That Someday His Bell Will Save Me

Gay or foreign guy #1: But it has sentimental value to you. So you can say, “I have this memory.”
Gay or foreign guy #2: But that's not why I have the picture of Mario Lopez.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on August 9, 2008
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Pictures, Queer guys, Sexuality

Nobody's More Prejudiced Than the Victims Of Prejudice

Young man #1: You know, I don't get it. Why am I being ostracized?
Young man #2: Those girls.
Young man #1: So what if I hang out with those girls! I like girls as… you know… friends. It's not like I'm straight or anything.
Young man #2: But, Jerry… You fucked all of them! You're not gay.
Young man #1: Just because I like to fuck girls doesn't make me straight, Okay? Geez!
Young man #2: Really? And all this time I thought that's exactly what it meant.
Young man #1: It just means I don't like assholes.
Young man #2: You're still not going with us to the drag show. Get over it.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Tara O'Sullivan

Posted on August 8, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Union Square and East Village

A Muscle Shirt With Holes? The Jury's Reached a Verdict

Latina hipster: He loved my hair!
Latino hipster: They was all faggots. It was fags that loved your hair.
Latina: He didn't sound gay. And he had holes in his shirt.
Latino: Was he wearing polyester?
Latina: No.
Latino: See?

–A Train

Overheard by: Drew

Posted on August 8, 2008
Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hair, Hipsters, Latinos, On the Subway, Questions

Gays and Lesbians