Girl #1: I really gotta pee…
Girl #2: Please. Use the adult word.
Girl #1: What's that?
Girl #2: Piss. You gotta take a piss.
–Bard High School
Overheard by: Delilah
Girl #1: I really gotta pee…
Girl #2: Please. Use the adult word.
Girl #1: What's that?
Girl #2: Piss. You gotta take a piss.
–Bard High School
Overheard by: Delilah
Cute Asian girl: I feel like I'm in high school again, except the person I'm dating is female and a really good kisser, and the guy I'm plotting to seduce is my professor. What's wrong with my life?
Friend: I think you need to either learn to live without penis, or realize that kissing men isn't scary.
Cute Asian girl: Kissing women is scary too! But I happen to really enjoy kissing Christina.
Friend: Okay, so if you want to do your professor so badly, don't you think he might be a good kisser too?
Cute Asian girl: There are so many things you can do with a guy that don't involve kissing…
Friend: Again… Get over penis or start kissing men!
Cute Asian girl: It isn't that simple!
–Uptown 2 Train
Girl #1: So, sex has really been terrible lately, he just pounds me and I lie lifeless.
Girl #2: You think he even realizes you're there?
Girl #1: Who knows, it's just boring as hell.
–Morris & Washington
Girl to friend: You have to stop setting your brother on fire.
–Broadway
Overheard by: sandm
Student to professor: Urinating on fire? What the hell, Freud?
–Wagner College, Staten Island
Tool on cell: If burning leaves in the schoolyard is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!
–E 44th St & 2nd Ave
Blond woman: And that was the night I burned my eyebrows off!
–Union Square
Some guy: I spent all of last night searching my body for it, but I promise you if I find it, I’ll burn it.
–The Village
Older woman at art gallery, looking at the price list: That burns my ass. Sorry, but that burns my ass.
–57th St
Man handing out his CD: Scuze me, you like authentic Latino music? (woman flinches)
I ain't gonna bite you. Neither is the CD. Unless you're bitten with the sweet beat of salsa.
–2 Train
Older guy to younger date: So last night, right, I was a little drunker than I wanted to be and I was listening to those Beethoven and Mozart symphonies to, you know, really try to hear the difference between them…
–Uptown A Train
Woman walking out of a Chekhov play: Ugh! That was like taking a Tchaikovsky and playing it as if it were a Beeeeeethoven.
–Theatre District
Overheard by: Greer Feick
Happy older musician: I'm playing at the memorial concert for Ricky B*. Johnny T* was going to do it, but he died. I'm the go-to replacement when someone scheduled to play at a tribute concert dies.
–19th & 7th
Overheard by: tycho anomaly
Man on cell: Did you get the tickets? (pause) Eighty dollars to see a green bitch sing!?
–Chineese Restaurant, Columbus Ave
Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk.
–Blarney Stone Pub
Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit.
–AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jessica Segal
Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out?
–33rd b/w 7th & 8th
Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite.
–Train Leaving Penn Station
Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener.
–Stuyvesant High School
Teen boy: Hey, do you know if there is a real Chinese food place around here?
Teen girl: Yeah, one that’s not Japanese?
–Sushi restaurant, 81st & York
Overheard by: j.pie
Girl: He had Tetris.
Guy: Tetris?
Girl: You know, when you twitch involuntarily.
Guy: Oh, you mean Tourette's syndrome!
–6 Train
Girl: We used to go out–he was wonderful–so interesting, caring, funny, and great lover. But I dumped him because he was gay.
Guy: Are you sure?
Girl: …Well, maybe he wasn’t a gay after all…Yes, he definitely wasn’t.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: goga
TSA employee at a security checkpoint: Do you have another photo ID? Expired driver licenses are invalid.
Girl carrying tabloid: But what if you, like, don't drive?
TSA employee: You can't use an expired license as identification.
Girl carrying tabloid: Yeah, but what if you didn't drive?
–Kennedy Airport
