Wednesday One-Liners– Now in Small, Regular and Porn Star

20-something girl: And then they had another raffle and I won another 30 minutes of free porn and a vibrator.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: eSong

Man, talking to himself in the park: I don't discriminate against women. Women discriminate against me. Why? Because they have all different kinds of dildos.

–City Hall Park

Salesman, shouting to man with girlfriend: Have you been neglecting your butthole lately? I'm selling some nice greasy vibrators here!

–34th St

Overheard by: Jessica

30-something balding man on cell: Dildo and show…

–14th & 3rd

Woman to friends posing for picture: 1…2…3…say: "sex toys!"

–West Village

Mythology professor: Ares was a bit stupid, so Aphrodite was pretty much the brains of that operation. For her, he was basically just a living dildo.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Free stuff!, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Hunter, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pictures, Porn, Questions, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

I Thought “Twat” Was the Past Tense Of “Twit”

Girl to mother: Twat!
Mother: You mean “twit”.
Girl: No, I mean “twat”.
Mother: Honey, a twat is a woman's vagina.
Girl: Get out.

–28th & 7th

Posted on May 12, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girls, Moms, Parents, Vagina, Weirdness, Words

Why E Is Bad, in a Nutshell

Hipster girl: So, we were talking about, like, Derrida, and like the universe, and then he just kissed me. It was so romantic.
Hipster gay guy, clearly not listening, staring into phone: Oh, so cute. So cute.
Hipster girl: James*, he kissed me!
Hipster gay guy: Woof, woof. Bark. Arf!
Hipster girl: What?
Hipster gay guy: I thought you were talking about a dog, so I chimed in.
Hipster girl: You need to stop doing E.
Hipster gay guy: It makes masturbating great, though.

–Columbia University

Posted on May 11, 2009
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Girls, Hipsters, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Love, Man's Best Friend, Masturbation, Philosophy, Queer guys

Did You Get Here on the SocioPATH Train?

Teen girl: Anna told me you liked me?
Teen guy: Yeah.
Teen girl: Why didn't you tell me or ask me out?
Teen guy: Well, I was afraid you would say no.
Teen girl: Why don't you ask me now and see what I say?
Teen guy: Do you want to go out sometime?
Teen girl: Sorry, no.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Hugh

Posted on May 10, 2009
Dating, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Starbucks, Teens, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

A Gospel Song That's Unlikely to Replace “Gather by the River”

Guy: Please give me a quickie…maybe in the bathroom?
Girl: You just bought me coffee…let me finish it first.
Guy: The coffee can't wait?
Girl: It's a hell of a lot better than a quickie in the bathroom.

–Mimi's Cafe, Church & Chambers

Posted on May 9, 2009
Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Offers and requests, Restaurants & Cafes, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Frankly, I Don't Give a Dam.

Girl drafting floor plan: I've decided I'm going to open a funeral parlor that's sleek, modern and sophisticated. Someplace that doesn't look like your grandma just died there.
Female British classmate: That's awesome. My big idea is to start a protection service for lesbians.
Girl drafting floor plan: Like, security?
Female British classmate: No. Like, safe sex?

–Interior Design Class, FIT

Posted on May 9, 2009
Brits, Classroom, College, Death, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, School and studying, Sex, Students

Cindy Has a Lot to Learn About Storytelling

Drunk blonde girl: Yeah, Ryan and I made out two weeks ago.
Drunk friend: Really, oh my god! When?
Drunk blonde girl: Yeah, I told you this! It was before we slept together.

–50th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: i certainly hope so..

Posted on May 9, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sex

On the Other Hand, So Does Gene Simmons.

Girl to another: So now, tell me, how does it feel to be a part of the inferior sex?
Guy: Wait, so you're admitting that women are inferior?
Girl: I have to wake up every morning and put on make-up!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on May 9, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Makeup, Questions, Stupidity, Washington Square Park

The Locals Had Captured Her and Were Selling Her Organs at Auction

Girl #1, running to train: Hold the doors!
Girl #2: I'm coming!
Girl #1, getting to train: Whew! I got it! Hurry up!
Girl #2: Hold the doors! (gets to train) We got it!
Girl #1: Yeah, I didn't think we'd make it.
Girl #2: Where's Leslie?
(doors close)

–1 Train

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on May 8, 2009
Girls, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Weirdness

Girls