Drink Deep, or Taste Not the Wednesday One-Liners!

Fabulous woman: That’s all vodka under the bridge.

–55 Bar

Overheard by: Girl Margaret

Huge man to small child trying to participate in conversation: No, son, we’re not talking about your school–we’re talking about Bam! You trying to get all up in the Kool-Aid, but you don’t even know the flavor.

–C Train

Drunk girl, accidentally taking swig of vodka instead of water: This wetness is spicy!

–Bergen St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gnomies

Skinny teen: I wish they made diet water.

–Times Square

JAP: I’d like a Pellegrino.

–Hooters

Middle-aged suit yelling into cell: No- I want to see you drink the bong water!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Me Too…

Posted on July 23, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drunks, Girls, JAPs, On Cell, On the Subway, Port Authority, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Skinny People, Suits, Teens, Times Square, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners — Not the South American Country

Train conductor: Now arriving at 116th street, Columbia University. Ivy league. Ivy league… Ivy league… Ivy league… Stand clear of the closing doors.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Amused Subway Rider

Guy on phone: I’m a tool, I’ll admit that.

–College Walk, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ed

Chick on cell: How did they know I was feeling hormonal? And did they need to announce it on my boarding pass?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: YotGC

(Columbia student #1 jaywalks in front of a car)
Columbia student #2: I can’t get hit by a car right now! I have a paper to write!

–115th & Broadway

(two frat boys in boxers run a lap down 113th as a third cheers them on)
Sorority girl: Sometimes I wonder how some of these people get into Columbia…

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: wondering the same thing

Posted on July 23, 2008
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Education, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Sorority Girls, Students, Subway conductors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Mom’s Fling With Josh Ended Predictably

14-year old girl #1: Did you call her a bitch?
14-year old girl #2: No. I was like: “Mom! You have chlamydia. Shut up!”

–B Train

Overheard by: Jessica

Posted on July 22, 2008
Default, Girls, Insults, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, STDs, Teens, Words

You’re Welcome to Babysit Mine for a While

Dude #1: Today, I saw someone wearing jeans that were like, way too tight.
Asian chick: Skinny jeans? I love skinny jeans!
Dude #1: On a guy? These were on a guy!
Asian chick: Oh, then… no.
Dude #1: Guys shouldn’t wear their jeans that tight. It’s bad for the balls.
Dude #2: It’s seriously bad for the balls. It’s unhealthy.
Asian chick (skeptically): Nuh-uh.
Dude #2: You wouldn’t know!
Dude #1: You don’t even have balls!
Asian chick: No. (considers) But if I did, I’d play with them all the time.

–NYU Elevator

Overheard by: Hannah

Posted on July 22, 2008
Asians, Balls, Clothing, Default, Elevators, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, NYU

Miss Wetter and Mr. Beaver Got Off to a Rocky Start

Girl #1: She wouldn’t even take his name?
Girl #2: And she even refused to hyphenate? That’s ridiculous!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Noelle

Posted on July 22, 2008
Default, Girls, Marriage, Names, Questions

The Girls-Gone-Wild Bar Gets Raised Every Year

Girl #1: So both the girls took off their panties and spread their cheeks for the crowd. And you would not believe it, but the one girl started eating the other one’s ass!
Girl #2: Nothing says “goodnight” like a good ass licking.

–Vespa, Upper East Side

Overheard by: Steve

Posted on July 22, 2008
Clothing, Default, Eating Out, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Nudity, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper East Side, Weirdness

After He Saw on Dr. Phil That Families Should Do Things Together

Young male professional: So your dad’s cool with you not eating?
Young female professional: Yeah, he’s totally fine with it. He’s gonna start next week too.

–Union Square

Posted on July 22, 2008
Anorexic, Coworkers, Default, Diet/Weight, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Psychology, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

A Whole Continent Left Sticky and Unsatisfied

Guy: I need to go to Europe more often, I kinda compare it to sex, I always come back more relaxed and a little more pleasant to be around.
Girl with him: Gross.

–6 Train

Posted on July 22, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, On the Subway, Sex, Travel, Wishes & desires

Bingo in the Parish Hall Prepares You for Eternal Torment

Teenage girl #1: Yeah, I celebrate Easter. I’m Catholic. It’s tradition for my family to go gambling in Atlantic City that day.
Teenage girl #2: Wait, isn’t that one of the seven unforgivable vices? You’re doing it on Easter, too. Haha.
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, well… We don’t really believe in that religion bullshit. Atlantic City allows us to stick it to the man.
Teenage girl #1: Is that Jesus? Wow, you’re going to hell.

–51st & Park Ave

Posted on July 21, 2008
Christianity, Default, Girls, Hell, Holidays, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Teens, U.S. Geography

Help Us, MTV– You’re Our Only Hope!

Girl #1: MTV is putting out another one of those stupid beach shows where they just film stuck-up bitches.
Girl #2: They have so fucking many of those, they’re pointless, they need to do something different.
Girl #1: Yeah! They should film us, that would be awesome.
Girl #2: Totally, I would watch it.
(pause)
Girl #1: My ankles hurt!
Girl #2: Yeah, my left one hurts.
Girl #1: My right does.

–Park & Lexington

Overheard by: Emily J.

Posted on July 21, 2008
Default, Film, Girls, Gripes, Sensory Experiences, TV, Upper East Side