Guys

Wednesday One-Liners Need to Be Consoled

Tech guy: It would suck to be a cow, then you couldn't play Street Fighter.

–Marymount Manhattan College

Blond girl, regarding Egyptian artifacts: This is just like a video game!

–The Met

Overheard by: Rachael and Ben

Mindless dude playing PSP: Damn! Why is this bitch calling me? (answers cell) What do you want, you made me stop my game! (pause) My game as in "my video game," psh! (pause) Shit, if I had any game I wouldn't be with a bitch that looks like you, now what do you want?

–A Train

Overheard by: token white chick

Ghetto kids, as 95-year-old Chinese lady walks into moving traffic: Damn, she think she playing Frogger!

–Chinatown

Friend to friend: I wonder how Super Mario Bros will influence my decision?

–Houston St & Broadway

Want Some Lunch?

Girl: Yeah, like I mean, I would definitely say that I was in the best shape of my life when I had my eating disorder.
Guy, after long pause: Uhhhhh… at least you're honest!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Rachel

I Know. Wine and Beer Help Me Relax.

Guy: Hey, let’s go in there. They might have wine or beer.
Girl: Nah, I kinda wanna grab something hard.

–14th St, between 1st and 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Eve

She’s Training for the Sextathlon

Guy: Hey, you’re limping! Did you run the marathon or something?
Gal: No, I fell doing a kegstand.

–Greenwich & Charles

I Dunno– He's Wearing Mittens

Random guy peeing in the corner to girl walking by: Hey girl, I like your scarf. I'd like to make love to you, but you could keep the scarf on. Keep the scarf on when we make love.
Girl's friend: He'd probably use it to choke you.

–14th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Julia

Wednesday One-Liners Live on a Steady Diet of Government Cheese

Guy: I'm tellin' you, man. America loves cheese. No, seriously, dude. America loves cheese!

–Ace's, 5th St & Ave B

Cute 20-something guy singing while playing soccer: Bottles of cheese, bottles of cheeeeeeeeese…

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: i'd like a bottle of cheese

Girl: I'd rather have a turkey sandwich with cum on it than cheese.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Lindsay

Distressed female student: She's such a hard grader! She's like…a cheese grater.

–Queens College

Five-year old boy: But mummy, I want goat cheese on my french fries!

–St. Regis Hotel

Overheard by: Nonok

It’s Just Stuff to Feed Keys, Locks and Safes

Guy #1: Man, I’m hungry. Let’s go into the supermarket for a second.
Guy #2: Key Foods? What for?
Guy #1: Food, asshole.
Guy #2: Man, there ain’t food in there.

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Jacek Grebski

The Dreaded Sexican Standoff

Smooth guy: But baby, come on…
Irate woman, yellling: No! No! I will not do it! I will not have sex with you!
Smooth guy: But baby…
Irate woman: I cannot have sex with you! We're not in love! And until we're in love, I'm not having sex!

–57th & 7th

God, I Love Church Retreats

Guy #1: So how was your weekend? Did you go on the trip?
Guy #2: It was insane man, a real pagan festival.
Guy #1: Really?
Guy #2: Yeah, naked girls worshiping a giant tree. Totally crazy.
Guy #1: Did you make a love connection?
Guy #2: I actually made a few love connections, if you know what I mean…

–Men's Room, Hiro Ballroom

Overheard by: Yeah, we know what you mean…

Making Exactly the Same Mistakes

Girl: Did you hear about Barbara Walters and the affairs she had when she was younger? It shocked me.
Guy: Why'd it shock you? A lot of these older people did a lot of crazy shit when they were younger, from violence to sex. How do you think at least 50% of us were born? And she looked kinda good then, I'd have done 'er.
Girl (shaking her head): Just about everybody is fucked up.
Guy (growling and laughing): Don't groan about it, it's nature baby. Us people today are just the latest ones on the scene.

–8th St & 6 Ave

Overheard by: savon

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