Wednesday One‐Liners Are My Anti‐Drug

Hot black girl: Where did summer go? Now we’re all back to wearing glasses and snorting Adderall… or taking it with water.

–24^th St & 3^rd Ave

Guy to friend: If I just gave up speed I’d totally be getting more ass.

–Bleecker & LaGuardia

Overheard by: Jack

Guy to another: Yeah, so you take a gram of coke, then mix it with a ground‐up Xanax, then mash up an E. Then you put it all into pill form, and down it with a Sparks!

–N Train

Architecture professor: Everything in moderation… except for heroin. Heroin, you go for the gusto.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Posted on November 22, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Black People, Cocaine, College, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Drugs, Fashion, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Medicine, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Time, Weirdness

Plus, They Cooked Their Own

Middle aged man: I feel as though methamphetamines don’t destroy your mind so much as ruin your body and make you cover it in tattoos. It’s not like they were on heroin.
Companion, nodding his head: Mmm‐hmm.

–5^th St & 19^th St

Posted on October 11, 2014
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Heroin, Tattoos

…So I’ll Ask Their Names First.

Preppy white girl, about friend’s shirt: I wanna party like a rock star!
Punk guy friend: So you want to play a show, shoot up heroin, fuck a stranger, then do it all again in another state the next night?
Preppy white girl: I don’t wanna fuck strangers!

–Queensboro Plaza

Overheard by: diex‐romantic

Posted on October 16, 2010
Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Heroin, Music, Preppies, Promiscuity, Punks, Queens, Subway stations, platforms, etc., White People, Wishes & desires

Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One‐Linered Right Now

Wide‐eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?

–St Mark’s & Ave A

Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I’m trippin’! Oh, god, I’m shroomin’!

–Delancey St

Professor: Take that Ritalin‐Scotch‐heroin cocktail… With a pop‐tart!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?

–Times Square

Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.

–Jane & 4^th St

Overheard by: M Tod

Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine’s Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it’s not drugs?

–The Diana Center, Barnard College

Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I’m high. (audience laughs) Don’t blog that!

–Colbert Report Studios, 54^th St

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on July 21, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B-List, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Family Ties, Flyer people, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Laughter, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Street, Teachers/Professors, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Is He a Product Tester?

Suit #1: So my cousin in Scranton is also pregnant.
Suit #2: Yeah, what’s the father like?
Suit #1: Complete loser.
Suit #2: Sucks, man. What does he do for work again?
Suit #1: Heroin.

–27^th & 3^rd

Overheard by: Chris Haddad

Posted on June 18, 2010
Family Ties, Heroin, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Suits

In That We Used to Throw Up and Nod Off Together

Woman to friend who just met and hugged a stranger: Who was that?
Friend: Oh, that’s my heroin buddy.

–Myrtle Ave

Posted on January 21, 2010
Brooklyn, Friends, Heroin, Hugs, Questions, Women

Honey, There Is No “They,” There’s Just Us, and We’re Fucked Up

20‐something girl #1, about energy drinks: Everyone drinks them. I figure if they were so bad they’d make them illegal.
20‐something girl #2, sarcastically: Yeah… like cigarettes and alcohol are illegal.
20‐something girl #1: Heroin is illegal. That’s definitely bad.

–Central Park

Posted on November 23, 2009
Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Girls, Heroin, Parks, Smoking

The Forgotten Victims Of the Recession

Man: Cocaine is so expensive these days.
Woman: Exactly. That’s why I switched to heroin.

–Bryant Park

Posted on April 2, 2009
Bryant Park, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Heroin, Men, Money & Class, Women

Wednesday One‐Liners Don’t Know How to Quit You

Tough guy on cell: Yeah, I was at the gay bah. It was two for ones. Whaddayou gonna do? Two for ones!

–Houston & Avenue A

Homeless man in subway station: Gay sex was invented to avoid child support.

–53^rd St Subway Station

Overheard by: Billy

Woman on cell: Let me tell you something about this new generation of guys in New York: All gay.

–W 31^st & Broadway

Overheard by: A passing gay man

Woman to husband: Not just a gay, but a heroin sheep gay.

–Broadway & 8^th

Overheard by: TR

Cop to drunk: Who cares if you’re gay? That doesn’t give you the right to climb the fire escape.

–W 20^th

Posted on January 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Couples, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Heroin, Hobos, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One‐Liners Aren’t Just Poor, They’re Po’

Preppy guy: They say beggars can’t be choosers, which makes sense, because we’re choosers.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Annie

Red Table change collector guy: Help feed the homeless of New York! All it takes is a penny and a heart, you fucking assholes.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Bemused

Girl to friend: I thought of you the other day; I saw a homeless man’s penis.

–Lucky Jack’s, Orchard St.

Overheard by: Argopelter

Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway.

–79^th & Broadway

Guy to girl sitting at a sidewalk cafe: I know, what is with her? She dresses like a homeless person. And not Mary‐Kate Olsen homeless but I‑think‐I‐saw‐her‐passed‐out‐in‐an‐alleyway‐with‐a‐heroin‐needle‐sticking‐out‐of‐her‐arm‐ homeless.

–10^th St & 2^nd Ave

Girl, to guy who has just spat on floor: Don’t do that! Homeless people sleep there!

–6 Train Station

Posted on November 12, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Clothing, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Lower East Side, Madison Square Garden, Money & Class, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Preppies, Smegma, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners