Hot black girl: Where did summer go? Now we’re all back to wearing glasses and snorting Adderall… or taking it with water.

–24th St & 3rd Ave

Guy to friend: If I just gave up speed I’d totally be getting more ass.

–Bleecker & LaGuardia

Overheard by: Jack

Guy to another: Yeah, so you take a gram of coke, then mix it with a ground‐up Xanax, then mash up an E. Then you put it all into pill form, and down it with a Sparks!

–N Train

Architecture professor: Everything in moderation… except for heroin. Heroin, you go for the gusto.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Middle aged man: I feel as though methamphetamines don’t destroy your mind so much as ruin your body and make you cover it in tattoos. It’s not like they were on heroin.
Companion, nodding his head: Mmm‐hmm.

–5th St & 19th St

Preppy white girl, about friend’s shirt: I wanna party like a rock star!
Punk guy friend: So you want to play a show, shoot up heroin, fuck a stranger, then do it all again in another state the next night?
Preppy white girl: I don’t wanna fuck strangers!

–Queensboro Plaza

Overheard by: diex‐romantic

Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One‐Linered Right Now

Wide‐eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?

–St Mark’s & Ave A

Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I’m trippin’! Oh, god, I’m shroomin’!

–Delancey St

Professor: Take that Ritalin‐Scotch‐heroin cocktail… With a pop‐tart!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?

–Times Square

Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.

–Jane & 4th St

Overheard by: M Tod

Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine’s Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it’s not drugs?

–The Diana Center, Barnard College

Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I’m high. (audience laughs) Don’t blog that!

–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St

Overheard by: Allison

Suit #1: So my cousin in Scranton is also pregnant.
Suit #2: Yeah, what’s the father like?
Suit #1: Complete loser.
Suit #2: Sucks, man. What does he do for work again?
Suit #1: Heroin.

–27th & 3rd

Overheard by: Chris Haddad

Woman to friend who just met and hugged a stranger: Who was that?
Friend: Oh, that’s my heroin buddy.

–Myrtle Ave

20‐something girl #1, about energy drinks: Everyone drinks them. I figure if they were so bad they’d make them illegal.
20‐something girl #2, sarcastically: Yeah… like cigarettes and alcohol are illegal.
20‐something girl #1: Heroin is illegal. That’s definitely bad.

–Central Park

Man: Cocaine is so expensive these days.
Woman: Exactly. That’s why I switched to heroin.

–Bryant Park

Tough guy on cell: Yeah, I was at the gay bah. It was two for ones. Whaddayou gonna do? Two for ones!

–Houston & Avenue A

Homeless man in subway station: Gay sex was invented to avoid child support.

–53rd St Subway Station

Overheard by: Billy

Woman on cell: Let me tell you something about this new generation of guys in New York: All gay.

–W 31st & Broadway

Overheard by: A passing gay man

Woman to husband: Not just a gay, but a heroin sheep gay.

–Broadway & 8th

Overheard by: TR

Cop to drunk: Who cares if you’re gay? That doesn’t give you the right to climb the fire escape.

–W 20th

Preppy guy: They say beggars can’t be choosers, which makes sense, because we’re choosers.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Annie

Red Table change collector guy: Help feed the homeless of New York! All it takes is a penny and a heart, you fucking assholes.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Bemused

Girl to friend: I thought of you the other day; I saw a homeless man’s penis.

–Lucky Jack’s, Orchard St.

Overheard by: Argopelter

Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway.

–79th & Broadway

Guy to girl sitting at a sidewalk cafe: I know, what is with her? She dresses like a homeless person. And not Mary‐Kate Olsen homeless but I‑think‐I‐saw‐her‐passed‐out‐in‐an‐alleyway‐with‐a‐heroin‐needle‐sticking‐out‐of‐her‐arm‐ homeless.

–10th St & 2nd Ave

Girl, to guy who has just spat on floor: Don’t do that! Homeless people sleep there!

–6 Train Station