Man: Cocaine is so expensive these days.
Woman: Exactly. That's why I switched to heroin.
–Bryant Park
Man: Cocaine is so expensive these days.
Woman: Exactly. That's why I switched to heroin.
–Bryant Park
Tough guy on cell: Yeah, I was at the gay bah. It was two for ones. Whaddayou gonna do? Two for ones!
–Houston & Avenue A
Homeless man in subway station: Gay sex was invented to avoid child support.
–53rd St Subway Station
Overheard by: Billy
Woman on cell: Let me tell you something about this new generation of guys in New York: All gay.
–W 31st & Broadway
Overheard by: A passing gay man
Woman to husband: Not just a gay, but a heroin sheep gay.
–Broadway & 8th
Overheard by: TR
Cop to drunk: Who cares if you're gay? That doesn't give you the right to climb the fire escape.
–W 20th
Preppy guy: They say beggars can't be choosers, which makes sense, because we're choosers.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Annie
Red Table change collector guy: Help feed the homeless of New York! All it takes is a penny and a heart, you fucking assholes.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Bemused
Girl to friend: I thought of you the other day; I saw a homeless man's penis.
–Lucky Jack's, Orchard St.
Overheard by: Argopelter
Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway.
–79th & Broadway
Guy to girl sitting at a sidewalk cafe: I know, what is with her? She dresses like a homeless person. And not Mary-Kate Olsen homeless but I-think-I-saw-her-passed-out-in-an-alleyway-with-a-heroin-needle-sticking-out-of-her-arm- homeless.
–10th St & 2nd Ave
Girl, to guy who has just spat on floor: Don't do that! Homeless people sleep there!
–6 Train Station
50-year-old female crackhead hobo chasing a 30-year-old male post office worker: Why won't you fuck me? Come fuck me! Are you too scared to fuck me?!
–50th St & 5th Ave
Man talking to stranger outside peep show: No, no, no. This is a peep show. If you want to fuck someone, you have to go somewhere else.
–8th Ave, Midtown
Horny NYU hipster: I haven't had sex in 3 months! If I were a heroin addict I'd have been clean for 2 months already!
–NYU
Loud middle-aged woman on cell: And I was like, "Don't worry, lady, I'm not getting any action!"
–Stuyvesant Town
Overheard by: the libbernator
Old man to old lady: No, I will not bonk you!
–Avenue J & E 12 St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert
Girl to friend: That’s because my heart is filled with hate and yours is filled with kittens.
–Something Else, Park Slope
Overheard by: jayloo
White guy: Well, if Kate* was my soulmate I wouldn’t hate having sex with her so much.
–W 57th & 11th
Well-dressed man to self, after making meowing noises: I hate my ex, I hate that fucking bitch! I’m going to stick a tennis ball in her muffler!
–Bleecker & Broadway
Teen girl to friends: And she, like, gave me an 88%. I can’t fucking believe her! I can’t even hate her, right? If she’d just failed me like usual, I could hate her. But she gave me a freaking 88%.
–Astoria-Bound N Train
Overheard by: Ben
Sad 30-something: My boyfriend’s mother hates me. She hates me because I’m out of work … And I shoot up in her house.
–7th Ave & 9th street, Park Slope
Drunk angry girl on cell: Answer the damn phone, you bastard! Answer the phone! I hate you! I love you! Call me.
–Port Washington Train
Guy: Let’s go watch Legally Blonde and do heroin.
Friend: Yeah!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Rosanna
African man, yelling into cell: I am not riding a bike! I’m not a machine! I’m not a machine! I’m not a wheel!
–W 23rd St
Overheard by: I’m a train!
Loud chick on cell: So I told him he’s gotta do some exercises or something to keep up with me. I mean, he doesn’t do any foreplay or anything, just climbs his fat ass on top of me…
–37th & Broadway
Guy on phone at sandwich shop: How am I? Well, that’s a complicated quesion -do you mean right now, or in general? Because right now, Lisa’s got a really bad cold and is all set up on the couch and I just got back from a eulogy for a friend’s pop. So now I’m getting a coffee and then I plan on riding the bicycle at the gym -’cause that’s the closest I can get to heroin. How are you?
–85th & Columbus Ave
Lady, to marathon wheelchair participants: Don’t just sit there, go go go!
–99th & 5th, NYC Marathon
Grown woman, clapping and bouncing up and down: Yaaaaaaay, I get to go on the slide!
–76th & York
Ten-year-old girl leaving the midnight showing of Harry Potter: Ugh. I am never working out again!
–68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Pissed girlfriend: You never want to do anything fun.
Exasperated boyfriend: That’s because everything you call ‘fun’ involves heroin or fire.
–Union Square
