You'll Be Embarrassed When You Realize He's Talking on His New Bluetooth

Hobo to himself: The VA wants $200. (pause) How can I give them $200? (pause) I only get $320. (pause) Maybe I'll bribe them. (pause) No, that won't work–you need money to bribe people.

–Chase ATM, Grammercy

Overheard by: cmk

Headline by: Luminesce

Runners-Up:
· “He’ll Be Running a Hedge Fund in No Time” – again
· “I Guess the Facelift Will Have to Wait” – JohnAustin
· “In the End, He’ll Use His Sex Appeal” – Daniel
· “It’s a Catch-22” – Gary
· “Or Just Vomit on Their Doorstep Until They Cave in” – Fresca P
· “You Could Try to Sell Barack Obama’s Senate Seat” – Nick Pollotta

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 5, 2015
Bank, Headline Contest Winners, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions

Now I Know My Wednesday One-Liners, Next Time Won’t You Wednesday One-Liner With Me?

Little boy singing to mother: E is for druggies!

–R Train

Overheard by: Allegra

Crazy hobo: Take the V train! V is for vasectomy. Why take the crowded E train where all the lesbians will crush you?

–V Train Platform

Overheard by: Tom

Conductor: This is 14th Street. Transfer here for the L as in "lower level of hell".

–F Train

Overheard by: So True

Little boy playing with chopsticks: Look mom! (forms a V) V for Victoria! (forms an X) X for xylophone! (forms a T) and T for terrorist!

–Japanese Restaurant, 3rd & 25th

Conductor over loudspeaker: I know it’s Saturday afternoon and all you people are mad confused because the trains are all messed up on weekends, so listen up: The W as in "Will you marry me?" will be running on the Q as in "cookie" line. And the R as in (goes in operatic singing voice) "rooooooooooomeooooooooooo" will be running normally for the rest of the weekend. Alright y’all… There you go. Enjoy your Saturday!

–Canal Street Subway Station

Overheard by: stfo

Posted on July 4, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Crazies, Gays and Lesbians, Hobos, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Subway conductors, Terrorism, Words

Let Me Guess: La Boheme

Hobo #1: You know what, man?
Hobo #2: What’s up?
Hobo #1: Yo, I balls out love opera.

–Houston & 1st

Overheard by: Jonah Eller-Isaacs

Posted on July 3, 2015
Hobos, Music, Questions, Talking/Convos, Union Square and East Village

He Ended Up Buying Dinner with It.

Hobo: Hey! Spare some change for an old hippie to buy some pot!
Old lady, dropping in some change: At least someone is honest these days…

–Cental Park

Overheard by: JRay

Posted on July 3, 2015
Hobos, Money & Class, Old People, Panhandling, Weed, Women

Heather Gave Sir Paul Exactly What He Wanted

Hobo to one-legged girl walking by: Damn you're sexy, even without that leg!
Bag lady: He wants you to fuck him with your nub.

–Thompkins Square Park

Posted on July 3, 2015
Alphabet City, Backdoor, Bag ladies, Body Parts, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Horny, Parks, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

He Needs to Do Laundry Now

Hobo: Excuse me, do you have a dollar you could spare?
Guy: Sorry, man.
Hobo: Do you have 4 quarters?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Charlie

Posted on July 3, 2015
Central Park, Hobos, Panhandling

Crazy Hobo Says What We're All Thinking

Street preacher: You need the blood! The blood of Jesus!
Crazy hobo: You need a good butt fucking! Right in the mouth!

–Union Square

Posted on July 1, 2015
Ass, Backdoor, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Comebacks, Crazies, Hobos, Jesus, Preachers, Union Square and East Village

Free Enterprise Fund Poster Hobo

Suit on cell: If he doesn’t get me the fucking money, I’ll kill that bitch!
Hobo: How about you give me some money, and I’ll kill that bitch?

–St. Mark’s

Posted on June 30, 2015
Hobos, Money & Class, Murder, Suits, Union Square and East Village

I Recommend You Go South for the Winter

Hobo: Yo man, it’s freezing outside! Can I get a shirt?
Teenager with suitcase: No, go away.
Hobo: Come on man, you probably got like ten shirts in there.
Teenager with suitcase: Listen to me bum, you’re already wearing ten shirts, you’re not getting a shirt.
Bum: My name’s Max.
Teenager with suitcase: I’m Peter.

–Penn Station

Posted on June 29, 2015
Clothing, Default, Hobos, Names, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Sensory Experiences, Teens, Weather

Ew, Who Wednesday One-Linered?

Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people.

–Broadway & Houston

Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us.

–80th St & 34th Ave

Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these.

–83rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: new girl in town

Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore?

–7 Train

Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it.

–125th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cleanliness, Clerks, Clothing, Farting & Burping, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Pee, Physical appearance, Poop, Queens, Questions, Teens, The Village, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Hobos