Hobos

My So-Called Wednesday One-Liner

Peter Greene (Zed from Pulp Fiction): What happens in your life if you don't have your gallbladder?

–The Library, East Village

Girl on cell: My life is cursed, Cordelia!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Charlotte

Hobo carrying tall bamboo pole: What a life. Who wants to shoot me in the back?

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: Publius

Girl to friend: So they, like, told me I should come up to the school for two days and, like, go to some dinner on the first night and then do campus activities the next day. But I don't know. That's, like, two days of my life.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Bystanding Citizen

Little girl to mom: It's okay, mom. I'll just go on and have a good life and never learn how to whistle.

–80th St & Amsterdam Ave

…With Good Hair

Hobo, yelling: Bi-racial couple!
Interracial couple, in unison: Yeah…?
Hobo, yelling: Here's to the future, let all of our children be tan!

–6th Ave

Reform Wednesday One-Liners

Black guy on cell: Broadway is all gays and Jews and frankly I am sick of it.

–47th St & 8th

Jewish son: I did not call the rabbi to have him check up on you!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: NosyMormon

Suit on cell: Oh yes, I know all about you. You do crazy things. You eat rice on Pesach.

–Fancy Restaraunt, 79th St

Hobo: I bet if I put up a sign that said "hungry Jew," I'd be getting a ton of money thrown at me.

–98th St & Broadway

Old Jewish woman, exiting store with young woman: I know it's silly, but it was German. They killed six million Jews in Germany. I don't like to buy things that were made in Germany.

–Queens

20-something girl to friend: That Jew laid the spank on her!

–30th Ave, Astoria

You Should Watch My Man Godfrey Again

Hobo asking for change to woman entering bodega: How was your day, ma'am?
Woman entering bodega: Miserable.

–74th St & Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Maia

Your Editors Don't Even Want to Know.

Bodega clerk, following hobo outside: Why you runnin out my store like it's on fire? I know you!
Hobo: I know what'chu know.
Bodega clerk: I know what'chu know too, but I alto know that I know what you don't know I know.
Hobo: You ain't even be knowin what you know.

–Fulton St

Wednesday One-Liners Think Bugs Bunny Is Gay

Fat girl to friends: You know who I want to be? Motherfucking Rainbow Brite. Bitch had a flying horse.

–29th & 7th

20-something guy, following very loud clap of thunder: By the power of Greyskull!

–Center Boulevard, Long Island City

Overheard by: mixxy5

Hobo, to no one in particular: Find me on the computer; my name's Scooby-Doo.

–Starbucks

Cop to partner: God, working with you is like working with Stewie Griffin. (whiney) Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaan… Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaan!

–Train

Where We Acknowledge No One

Frustrated hobo: I don't know where y'all are from, but where I come from people acknowledge each other.
Suit: We're from New York.

–S Train

You're Just Commuting, I Live Here

Disheveled hobo sticking head in through closing doors: Hold the door for me, I'll be right back. I'm going for a smoke.

–C Train

See, You Should've Opened With That

Hobo: Hey, do you ladies have a smoke?
Ladies: No. (they keep walking)
Hobo: Do you ladies want to come back and sit with me awhile?

–3rd & Sullivan

Overheard by: Currer Bell

I Think They Can Both Pull It Off

White hobo, descending from second floor: Hey! (entire restaurant freezes) Yo, fellas–stay black.
(complete silence)
Black guy: Yo, man–stay white.

–Burger King, Herald Square

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