Teen girl, about old Latina scolding dog in Spanish: Stupid bitch! Dogs don’t speak Spanish!
–86th & Columbus
Teen girl, about old Latina scolding dog in Spanish: Stupid bitch! Dogs don’t speak Spanish!
–86th & Columbus
Gay guy to passersby: Spare an asshole for a gay man?
–Union Square
Man to woman: It's not that I'm an asshole; I just don't want to be seen with you.
–Bar, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Eric
Hipster chic: You could fit a globe in your asshole, it's so big.
–Bedford Ave & 3rd St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: letthemusicplayy
Woman, answering cell: Hey, asshole!
–Rite Aid, Grand Central
Homeless guy dropping cigarettes while following foreigners: A brother drops his smokes and you gets a-steppin’?! I smoke Newports! You can’t get this in no garage! Hey! Hey! How about givin’ me some money? It’s for the children, for the children!
Lady: No!
Homeless guy to lady’s boyfriend: Wow, there’s evil! So much evil comin’ from this one. You’re good, though, I can tell.
Boyfriend: Yeah?
Homeless guy: Can you feel that? Can you feel that, brother?
Boyfriend: Yes, I can feel that.
Homeless guy: You know what that is?
Boyfriend: No, what is it?
Homeless guy: It’s the feel of the crack of yo’ asshole burnin’! [Homeless guy runs away.]
–Bleecker, near Sullivan
Headline by: pheeze
Runners-Up:
· “Another drive-by psychic reading from Triumph the Insult Comic Bum” – Angus McIntyre
· “Jesus Is My Roid Cream” – en_ki
· “That Port Hasn’t Been New In Years” – dan
· “The wrong way to hand out Taco Bell coupons” – Jon Trudel
Chick: It’s about your cyber personality, and if your cyber personality doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me on Facebook, that’s okay!
–NYU Hayden Staircase
Coed: I don’t know… if Sheryl* with the two kids by the two different baby-daddies can have a good MySpace, I think pretty much anyone should be able to do it.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: ImmaculatePizza
Hipster girl: It looks like MySpace exploded in there!
–The Knitting Factory, 74 Leonard St
Overheard by: Cassie
20-something girl: So, the quadriplegic I hooked up with added me as a friend on Facebook last night.
–Chipotle, 51st & 8th
Geek prophet: No one is ever away from Google, really.
–Near Holland Tunnel
Overheard by: Claire H.
Angry chick, to boyfriend: Look, I’m not changing my Facebook status!
–6th & Ave A
Overheard by: Kremilyse
30-ish woman: I said I wouldn’t date him ’til he gets rid of the typos on his MySpace profile… Am I a snob?
–Tom’s Diner, Morningside Heights
Overheard by: ball-and-veining tool
Lady: Excuse me, but I have my daughter here!
Man: So do I!
Lady, backing out of train: Fine, whatever. Merry Christmas to you.
Man: Yeah, fuck you, too.
–68th & Lex station
Tracheotomy lady in wheelchair: Nita, the car’s here. The car’s here, Nita — get off the phone! [Cousin Nita tries to hang up wall phone, but misses.] You’re so lame, Nita.
–Lucille Lortel Theatre
Asian yuppie: I’m so tired of his bullshit. I’m done. Like seriously. Who the fuck tells his ex: “Hey, I’m going to ask this chick out, you think it’s a good idea?” That bastard!
White yuppie: Wow, no respect at all.
Asian yuppie: I know.
White yuppie: We should go out for drinks, I know a lot of guy friends who would do anything to have sex with you.
Asian yuppie: I don’t need to get laid…
White yuppie: Blasphemy!
Asian yuppie: Ok. You’re right, maybe I do need to get laid.
–Grand Central Station
Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all!
–Gramercy
Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet.
–L Train
Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs.
–E Train
Overheard by: Pat
Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Say what?
Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever?
–6 Train
(nurse with elderly lady on wheelchair comes against Asian American pregnant woman with baby in stroller)
Nurse: Oh my, I'm sorry! (pulls back to let woman and child pass)
Asian American pregnant woman: Oh, I'm sorry, I can…
Senile old lady: Get out of the way, chink!
(infant cries)
Asian American pregnant woman: Excuse me?
Nurse: Oh my god! I'm so sorry.
Senile old lady: Don't apologize!
(nurse backs up and lets mother and child through)
–Washington Square Village
Overheard by: zgoldberg
Drunk frat boy to other drunk frat boy: Fuck you!
Hobo, overlooking: Not if I get there first!
–1 Train
