Tracheotomy lady in wheelchair: Nita, the car’s here. The car’s here, Nita — get off the phone! [Cousin Nita tries to hang up wall phone, but misses.] You’re so lame, Nita.
–Lucille Lortel Theatre
Tracheotomy lady in wheelchair: Nita, the car’s here. The car’s here, Nita — get off the phone! [Cousin Nita tries to hang up wall phone, but misses.] You’re so lame, Nita.
–Lucille Lortel Theatre
Asian yuppie: I’m so tired of his bullshit. I’m done. Like seriously. Who the fuck tells his ex: “Hey, I’m going to ask this chick out, you think it’s a good idea?” That bastard!
White yuppie: Wow, no respect at all.
Asian yuppie: I know.
White yuppie: We should go out for drinks, I know a lot of guy friends who would do anything to have sex with you.
Asian yuppie: I don’t need to get laid…
White yuppie: Blasphemy!
Asian yuppie: Ok. You’re right, maybe I do need to get laid.
–Grand Central Station
Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all!
–Gramercy
Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet.
–L Train
Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs.
–E Train
Overheard by: Pat
Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Say what?
Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever?
–6 Train
(nurse with elderly lady on wheelchair comes against Asian American pregnant woman with baby in stroller)
Nurse: Oh my, I'm sorry! (pulls back to let woman and child pass)
Asian American pregnant woman: Oh, I'm sorry, I can…
Senile old lady: Get out of the way, chink!
(infant cries)
Asian American pregnant woman: Excuse me?
Nurse: Oh my god! I'm so sorry.
Senile old lady: Don't apologize!
(nurse backs up and lets mother and child through)
–Washington Square Village
Overheard by: zgoldberg
Drunk frat boy to other drunk frat boy: Fuck you!
Hobo, overlooking: Not if I get there first!
–1 Train
Girl to another, loudly: Oh my god! Where the fuck were you this morning? I was about to text you, but I realized you couldn't text. And I couldn't text either! And you wouldn't pick up your phone! And I needed to talk to you! But I couldn't reach you! So I just like fucking sat there and screamed for ten minutes!
–B9 Bus
20-something male to friend: I am so MIA right now. I am MIA. Like, I text you, but I am MIA. Like, so many people send texts to me, and I'm just MIA.
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: dallas
Girl leaving movie: Well, I'm sure she'll send out a mass text the second she has her baby.
–AMC Theater 19th & Broadway
Overheard by: Julie
20-something to another: Tiffany, I know I left Jason at the altar…but why didn't he text me back?
–1849 Bar, MacDougal & Bleecker
Laughing hobo to another: That is the funniest joke I've ever heard! You have to text that to me!
–St. Mark's Church, 2nd Ave & 9th St
Overheard by: cody
Guy #1: Dude, I was rockin’ pink American Apparel briefs and brown pants and pink and brown-striped socks when I hung out with her! Chicks dig that attention to detail, man.
Guy #2: Keep it down, man! You sound like a fucking faggot.
–Whole Foods, 14th St
Overheard by: lil pirate
Five-year-old boy: I Superman! I Superman.
Six-year-old girl: Who cares!
Five-year-old boy: I Superman! I Superman!
–Flatbush & Atlantic, Brooklyn
Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not…
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Lo
Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches?
–7 Train
Overheard by: Andrea
Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women.
–Downtown NYC Courthouse
Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Marlon B
Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly.
–Cobble Hill
Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too
