Guy #1: Dude, I was rockin’ pink American Apparel briefs and brown pants and pink and brown-striped socks when I hung out with her! Chicks dig that attention to detail, man.
Guy #2: Keep it down, man! You sound like a fucking faggot.
–Whole Foods, 14th St
Overheard by: lil pirate
Five-year-old boy: I Superman! I Superman.
Six-year-old girl: Who cares!
Five-year-old boy: I Superman! I Superman!
–Flatbush & Atlantic, Brooklyn
Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not…
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Lo
Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches?
–7 Train
Overheard by: Andrea
Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women.
–Downtown NYC Courthouse
Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Marlon B
Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly.
–Cobble Hill
Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too
Black 30-something man: And she said, "Nigga, you wanna fuck mah titties wit a gun?"
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Amanda R.
10-year-old boy, very loudly, to 10-year-old girl: Oh, yeah, well…how many guns have you ever held?
–5 Train
Middle aged white man in shorts: Anyone awake at 2 am should be shot!
–LIRR
Overheard by: L.C.
Street performer, trying to move crowd: Okay, let's try this! White people, we are not dangerous! (lifts shirt, pats down sides) We are unarmed! Step closer!
–W 45th & 5th
Man on phone: Right. Right. Wait, what? (in shock) He don't got a gun? Well, he has to have a gun! What kinda game do you think this is?
–J Train
Army dude to friends: People shoot at me every once in awhile. Do I get tipped? No, fuck tips!
–Havanna's Bar
(a soprano is singing an opera aria in her apartment on the 4th floor)
Random man on street (screaming up to the window): Girl, you're not even gonna sing the high note?! Pussy!
Soprano (screaming out the window): Everyone's a fucking critic!
–Inwood
Lady: …and a half-pound of roasted brussels sprouts with peas.
Counter guy: Those are actually pearl onions, ma’am.
Lady: Well, the sign says peas.
Counter guy: I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but the person who made that sign is an idiot…No really, that’s her over there. Complete dipshit.
–Gourmet Garage, 7th Avenue
Overheard by: Jamie Lloyd
Chick on cell: The well of his fuckwaddery springs eternal.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Columbia student: Fuck. Fucking titties! What the fuck? Fucking titties, this is some goddamn bullshit! I really want a snack.
–110th & Broadway
Guy to girl: Are you serious? I'm not fucking creepy, okay? I'm not fucking creepy.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: NYU girl
Man on bicycle, yelling at car: Fuck you! Yeah, use your fucking blinkers, you fuckstick!
–10th & Broadway
Overheard by: Helene and Alice
Guy on cell, in monotone with no pauses: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I need you, I need you, I need you, bitch. (hangs up)
–M4 Bus
Meathead to friend: Yo, you ever ride the monorail from here? It goes from Jamaica to da airports, it's a pretty cool trip just to see. We should take it quick, you wanna?
Friend: Yo, bro, we're on a train, you want me to detour all the way to JFK so you can ride the fucking monorail? Yo, how homo are you?
–LIRR
Overheard by: rick
Old woman: Ann-Margret is a tramp.
Old man: How can you say that? Ann-Margret is a dish!
Old woman: A petri dish, maybe.
–82nd & Broadway
Latino guy on cell: Oh, she’s “tearing your heart out”? You’re a fucking faggot.
–Metropolitan & Union
Overheard by: Outmacked
