They Really Need to Do a Survivor: New York City

Announcer: Attention all passengers! The a train will be running on the local platform. It will not be running on the express platform. If you are on the middle platform, you are on the wrong platform. Excuse me, if you are wearing a checkered dress, you are on the wrong platform. If you are wearing a checkered dress and pushing a baby carriage, you are on the wrong platform. Hello! I'm talking to you! The a train will be running on the local platform!
Random guy: Yo, this bitch is dumb! Get off the platform, dumb bitch!
(checkered dress lady continues to stare down tunnel)

–A Train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Kosi

Posted on November 30, 2014
Babies, Clerks, Clothing, Insults, On the Subway, Passengers, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Train Station

Some Houses Are Easier to Flip Than Others

Woman leaving K-Mart: What the hell smells like piss?
(hobo with cart full of belongings begins to walk towards her and almost hits her)
Woman: You better watch where you pushing your fucking house!

–K-Mart

Overheard by: I love NYC!

Posted on November 29, 2014
Anger Management, Comebacks, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Pee, Sensory Experiences, Store, Women

No, Really, I Need to Buy an Avocado!

Hobo: Please help me, I’m hungry. Please help me, I’m hungry…
Suit: Don’t lie, motherfucker. You need that shit fo’ crack!

–D train

Posted on November 29, 2014
Cocaine, Hobos, Insults, On the Subway, Panhandling, Suits

Really the Best Way to Put Conflict in Perspective

Hobo #1: Stop playing your fucking drum, I hear it all the way over here.
Hobo #2: I was here first, motherfucker!
Hobo #3: You guys, why can't you just play together?
Hobo #2: Nah, fuck you man! Stay out of it!
Hobo #3: You should die. You gonna die. Tonight!
Hobo #2: Are you threatening me, man?
Hobo #3 (laughing): Nah, man, I'm just a shoe shiner, but you're seriously gonna die.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Highstein

Posted on November 29, 2014
Death, Default, Gripes, Hobos, Insults, Offers and requests, Questions, Threats, Washington Square Park, Weirdness

“Do You Ever Get That Not-So-Wednesday-One-Liner Feeling?”

Girl on cell at register: It's like… If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be. (pause) If it doesn't? Well then baby, fuck that nigga, cuz he was a douchebag anyway.

–Deli, Brooklyn

Girl: It sounds douchey. But not like "douchebag" douchey. Like "Summer's Eve" douchey.

–Tribeca

Man to another, on Halloween: Oh, I get it. You're a douchebag.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: T.J.

Hipster dude, sarcastically to others: I love douchebag bars.

–Outside Puck Fair

Overheard by: Is this the definition of irony?

Posted on November 28, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Love, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Philosophy, Stupidity, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Transactional Analysis in the Ghetto

Voice over speaker phone: Bitch, I tol’ you stay away! I tol’ you back off! Bitch!
Girl, very calmly: That kinda attitude is why your man is eatin’ my pussy.

–Washington & Lafayette, Clinton Hill

Overheard by: nmf

Posted on November 25, 2014
Assholes, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Eating Out, Fighting and ass kicking, Ghetto Chicks, Insults

Actually, Sis, Evil Means Victory!

Little sister: Mommy, she called me stupid!
Big sister: No I didn’t, I called you evil.
Little sister: Evil means stupid.
Mommy: You are both annoying.

–Key Food, Prospect Heights

Posted on November 25, 2014
Grocery Stores, Insults, Kids, Moms, Sisters, Words

“Now” Being from My Birth Onward

Bimbette #1: Yeah, her roommate totally has a beard. It’s, like, hairy on her face.
Bimbette #2: Oh my god!
Bimbette #1: I know! She also wears, like, purple eyeshadow.
Bimbette #2: Oh my god!
Bimbette #1: I know! I am so mean right now.

–W 49th & Broadway

Posted on November 23, 2014
Bimbettes, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

From the Director's Cut Of Thelma and Louisa

Drunk girl on bike #1: How's your nose?
Drunk girl on bike #2: How's your neck?
Drunk girl on bike #1: Hey, all I'm saying is that I'd rather get a hickey from a random boy I don't know than break my nose by falling off my bike. (falls off her bike) Shiiiiiiiiiiiit.
Girl #2: How's your fucking nose now, whore?

–NYU

Posted on November 22, 2014
Body Parts, Drunks, Girls, Hook Ups, Insults, NYU, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Expand Their Fecabulary

Cyclist: So he was all, "my shit is your shit," and I thought, "that's the most romantic thing I've heard."

–Central Park

Dude on cell, checking out sunblock: They don't have shit here. SPF 15 is too high!

–Duane Reade, Flushing

Toddler that dropped his toy: Oh, shit!

–7th Ave, Park Slope

10-year-old boy to friend: That was like the first time I ever took a shit in a public bathroom.

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Man in baggy jeans walking with gusto: Oh, yes, oh yeah. She wanted my shiiit… She wanted my shit!

–6 Train

Chick to friends: He is totally going to shit a tampon!

–84th St & Amsterdam

Posted on November 21, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Athletes, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Duane Reade, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Love, Men, Menstruation, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Poop, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Insults

No, Really, I Need to Buy an Avocado!