Little girl: Daddy, daddy, will you buy me some Easter candy?
Father: No, sweetheart. We don’t celebrate Easter–we’re Jewish.
Little girl: But mommy buys me Easter candy!
Father: It’s not my fault your mother has abandoned her principles.
–Times Square
Modern orthodox girl: … And I was like, ‘Why should I be considerate? He doesn’t even keep kosher!’
–Barnard College
Overheard by: Considerate of non-shellfish eaters and shellfish eaters alike
Guy on cell: Well, I’m only Jewish by injection…
–82nd & Madison
Overheard by: I’m only Catholic because I took a pill…
Woman: I think I’m just too Jewish for yoga.
–Park Slope
20-ish girl on cell: I mean, Jesus Christ! The Jews in the RV just won’t leave me alone!
–St. Mark’s & Ave B
Overheard by: Also accosted by the mitzvah tank
Man on cell: How did I pull off that deal? I’m a Jew, and that means I have powers over money that a dumb goyim like you can only dream of. It’s like Jewish superhero powers. Just call me ‘Super Jew.’
–Near Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Lesbian Whisperer
Little boy: Uhhh, half New Yorkish and, uhhh, half Jewish — is that what I am, Mom? Half New Yorkish and half Jewish?
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Rosie
Macho guy: I just want to roundhouse a cop in the head. Then I’m gonna run my ass off.
–Flushing Meadows Corona Park
Overheard by: rob
Perfume vendor: 5 dollars! 5 dollars! Get ’em before the cops do!
–33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: rah
Girl on cell: …and then the police came so we were wondering if it was gonna be like a bar mitzvah.
–61st & Columbus
Guy on cell: He drank half a bottle of Listerine?…Let me know when the police get there.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Diane
Policeman, to erratic driver: You heard me, man, now pull over. What the hell?
–St. Mark’s & 2nd
Policewoman through loudspeaker, to erratic driver: Where did you get your license? Oh. My. God.
–Leonard & Jackson, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Chitin
Running mom, to child: Hurry up! Run, run like the cops are chasing you!
–110th & Amsterdam
Guy #1, about wireless: So, yours isn’t secure?
Guy #2: Nah, I just leave it open because I know no one is trying to use it.
Guy #1: How do you know that?
Guy #2: Are you kidding me? I’ve got nothing but Hasidic Jews living 360 degrees around me.
Guy #1: So…
Guy #2: They don’t use computers!
Guy #1: You’re an asshole.
–B train
Overheard by: Can you say antisemitism?
Hasidic girl, after borrowing non-hasidic girl's phone: Thank you so much! What's your name?
Non-hasidic girl: Ann.
Hasidic girl: Ann… You're Jewish, no?
Non-hasidic girl: No.
Hasidic girl: Really?
Non-hasidic girl, slightly annoyed: Really.
Hasidic girl: Oh. Well, it was nice meeting you anyway.
–Kingston & Empire
Overheard by: Jess
Suit on cell: No, I’m not coming in today…I’m on the Upper East Side. There’s all this traffic from the Pope’s "Don’t sodomize the kids" world tour.
–83rd & Lex
Guy at bar: Most Popes hate Jews.
–6th and D
Gamer kid: Yeah, I was in DC this weekend with the Pope… Yeah, I saw that muthafucka.
–218th & Park Terrace West
Overheard by: Kelley
Old lady, about young girl: Oh, she looks nice. She’s wearing Pope shoes.
–Carmine St
Overheard by: arctinus
Girl to friend, discussing a boy: So how nerdy is he? I mean, there's a nice nerdy, a cute nerdy…
Friend: You know that Jewish nerdy?
–College of Staten Island
Overheard by: Nameless
Little girl: I hate Jews!
Mom: What? Don’t you ever say that!
Little girl: What, Mom? I don’t like cheese!
–Uptown 104 bus
Overheard by: Barry P.
Young Yuppie: You’re such a third-generation American Jew.
— 6th Avenue, West Village
Hipster Girl: Hipsterism was made for Jewish guys and Asian Girls.
— Williamsburg
