Hey, Bra, Check Out These Sweet Wednesday One-Liners

Frat boy: That is the last time I am *ever* jacking off to gay porn.

–Gristedes, 42nd St

Overheard by: …while sober or drunk?

Frat boy to another frat boy staring intently at a young woman dressed as a Hogwarts student: I am really drunk!

–14th St & University Place

Midwest frat dude: The ugliest girls in New York City are like the hottest girls I've ever seen!

–St.Marks & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: slohmie

Frat boy: Dude, I'm not hating -I love gay guys. All I'm saying is -they buy a lot of Kosher wine.

–23rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Dina

Frat boy: We've had sex everywhere… In cars, in public places…I've seen her vagina more times than I've seen my mother's!

–Wagner College

Posted on August 6, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Family Ties, Frat Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Grocery Stores, Judaism, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Midwesterners, Porn, Sexuality, Staten Island, The Village, Vagina, Weirdness

Like, What’s with the Curly Hair?

Nurse #1: So what are you guys doing for passover?
Nurse #2: Nothing.
Nurse #1: No Seder?
Nurse #2: I’m not Jewish.
Nurse #1: No way? Really?
Nurse #2: Really.
Nurse #1: Yes, you are.
Nurse #2: I’m not.
Nurse #1: You totally are. I know you are.

–Mount Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: Janis

Posted on July 27, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Default, Holidays, Hospitals, Judaism, Nurses, Questions, Weirdness

And Is Lucky the Leprechaun a Prima Donna in Real Life?

(Irish service elevator operator is showing new guy the ropes, delivery Thug walks in)
Operator, with Irish brogue: What’s up?
Thug: 11 C, man. (thug looks at the new guy)
Thug: You new man? Yo, I gotta ask you a question, do you drink beer?
New guy: Yup.
Thug: You drink Guinness?
New guy: Yeah, sometimes.
Thug: Alright, I gotta know, is the Guinness here different from the Guinness back home?
New guy: I am a Long Island Jew.
Thug: Shit, for real? I thought everybody who worked here was from Ireland.
(thug gets off the elevator to make delivery)
Operator: You should’ve asked him if it’s different buying food in a supermarket instead of having to chase and kill it with a spear.

–E 77th St

Posted on July 25, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Advice, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Default, Drinks, Global Geography, Guys, Insults, Irish, Judaism, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Questions, Thanks, Long Island! (Male JAPs), Thugs, Upper East Side

Armored Bears Are Really a Last Resort

Small child in yarmulke: Mom, why are the bears in armor fighting?
Mother in stockings and wig: I don’t know why, but that’s not very nice. Jews don’t do this, we solve our problems by talking.

–AMC Theatre

Overheard by: bryan

Posted on July 17, 2008
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Default, Jewish Moms, Jews, Judaism, Kids, Movie Theaters, Movies, Questions

I’m Not Even Pale and Hairy!

Lab girl #1: Oh my god! I’m so excited, I just got a Christmas tree yesterday!
Lab girl #2: Really?
Lab girl #1: Yeah, it’s decorated with candy canes and everything… God, I’m like the worst Jew in the world.

–Columbia Medical Center Lab

Posted on July 7, 2008
Christianity, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Happiness, Holidays, Hospitals, Judaism, Students

Wednesday One-Liners: Bigger, Longer, Uncut

Guy: And I was thinking how lucky I was not to have had a bris. That guy had like eight of them!

–Thai Restaurant

Overheard by: sara swank

Girl: Wait, are you circumcised? In the penis?

–Wicked Monk, 86th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: christine

Beautiful Latina: But my dad getting circumcised at 57 wasn’t even the funniest thing!

–Dallas BBQ, Upper West Side

Overheard by: Ladle

Teen on cell: So, they were going to uncircumcise it?

–Flatbush Ave & 7th Ave, Brooklyn

Teen girl: Oh my god, my circumcised hot dog!

–The Summit School

Overheard by: Michael

CVS employee on cell: Yo, that nigga be gangsta son, he be gangsta. That nigga be circumcised, he all "what?" that nigga fall down, he be "waah, waah" then be be right back up playing an shit. Yeah, that nigga’s gangsta.

–CVS, 30th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Robyn

Posted on July 2, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Circumcision, Girls, Guys, Judaism, Latinos, On Cell, Parents, Penis, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

My Political Views Are Purely Facial-Hair Based

Young guy in green polo: If he wasn’t a moron and wanted to kill the Jews, I would have voted for Hitler.
Young guy in blue button-down: Yeah, me too!

–Grey Papaya’s, 8th St & 6th Ave

Posted on June 24, 2008
Default, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Judaism, Politics, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village, Weirdness

After Experimenting, Goldilocks Finds a Religion That’s Just Right

Guy #1: Y’know, I really just need to get it through her head that there’s nothing wrong with waking up naked in a Jewish synagogue.
Guy #2: Yeah… I feel that, man.
Guy #1: I mean, now that it’s happened more than once, she really needs to realize that it’s okay.

–NYU Gallatin Elevator

Posted on June 23, 2008
Default, Elevators, Guys, Judaism, Nudity, NYU, Weirdness

The Germans Are Their Natural Predators

Boy at German bar: There’s too many Germans in Pittsburgh.
Girl at German bar: That’s why there aren’t any Jews!

–6th & D

Posted on June 21, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Boys, Default, Girls, Hitler/Nazis, Judaism, Religion, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Antisemitic Mirror on the Wall/ Who’s the Chubbiest Jew of All?

(in line outside a bar)
Scantily clad chick #1: Ugh, I’m such a chubby Jew!
Scantily clad chick #2: No you’re not, you’re like, so pretty, and you don’t even wear makeup. I’m a chubby Jew!

–Rivington b/w Essex & Norfolk

Overheard by: Harrison

Posted on June 20, 2008
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Girls, Jews, Judaism, Lower East Side, Physical appearance

Judaism

I’m Not Even Pale and Hairy!