Dad to three-year-old daughter: No, honey, moose don't moo.
Daughter: Moose don't moo?
–7 train
Dad to three-year-old daughter: No, honey, moose don't moo.
Daughter: Moose don't moo?
–7 train
7-year-old boy: I can beat you up in a fight!
Mom: Oh, Lord, here we go…
7-year-old boy: What?
Mom: I said “Oh, Lord, here we go”!
7-year-old boy: I can beat you in fight! You said so yourself!
Mom: When?
7-year-old boy: You said my farts could kill people!
Mom: That's right, even in a hurricane.
–7th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: EVB
Young mother to toddler son, about creepy man on train: Don't be like him when you grow up. Guys like him don't get a lotta bitches."
–4 Train
Overheard by: Mollie Reznick
JAP to companion: Gosh, I hate her. She's such a bitch. No, we haven't met before. I don't want to meet her; she's a bitch.
–L Train
Overheard by: high school was so two years ago
Woman leaving voicemail: Don't worry about the page 6 thing. It'll blow over, then we'll bury that bitch!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: David G
Gangsta: So then I had my wedding ring melted down and put in my mouth. So every time that bitch saw me smile, she saw my ring.
–A Train
Overheard by: jm
LIRR commuter: And look, I love my daughter to death, but that girl is a *bitch*!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Andy
SUV driver to pedicab trying to make its way through the snow: Hey, buddy! I got a reindeer, ya wanna buy it?
–8th Ave & 48th St
Loud 13-year-old: Shut the fuck up, it's almost Christmas.
–B Train
Overheard by: Taylor
Middle-aged guy on cell: You'll never guess what I'm doing for Christmas. You'll never guess in a million years. (pause) Uhm, yeah, that's pretty close.
–8th Ave
Guy dressed in Santa costume on cell: Stop being such a weenie!
–Midtown
Angry little girl to older brother: If you don't let Santa out of our closet I will!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Taylor
Nine-year-old thugette: Oh, that's my man! Look, there's my man, there goes my sexy man!
Eight-year-old thugette: Shut up, that ain't yo man, that's yo brother!
–The Bronx
60-something balding man: I think quitting teaching is the best thing I've ever done.
Wife: Oh, yeah. Good, honey!
60-something balding man: I mean, I fucking hate kids.
–15th St & 1st Ave
Mom to three-year-old daughter: Does it make you feel nice and happy and yummy and lovely when you go on the computer all day, or does it make you feel icky and sticky and ugly and stupid?
Three-year-old daughter, thinking: Ummmm… it depends.
–E 86th St
Overheard by: Sarah
Toddler: Daddy, are there still rats down here?
Cheerful-sounding father: Of course!
–1 Train
Male yuppie to female yuppie: So milfs are totally in right now.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Lolita
20-something male yuppie, surrounded with Starbucks coffee containers and yelling at laptop: It took you six fucking minutes to get to the fucking page! Rawwwr! I'm going to rip you apart, you stupid fucking computer! Rawwr!
–Starbucks
Yuppie-hipster mom, to sobbing toddler: Yeah, I know, your life is just so tough.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: It's because those hemp diapers you make her wear chafe like hell.
Yuppie woman: This is like the Third World!
–8th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Sam Chalek
Happy old drunk guy, to no one in particular: Eldridge Street, god bless us, every one! Eldridge street!
–Eldridge Street & Broome Street
Drunk girl to friend: There she goes! Being all Rosa Parks, as usual, saving her tribe …
–2nd Ave b/w 5th & 6th
Drunk girl outside bar: If I ever have children, I want them to be as fucked up as I am!
–West Village
Overheard by: AsherO
Drunk girl: I'm so hungry I could eat a dick!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: teagle
Loud drunk girl at table with friends: Ashton sat on my lovesack!
–Blockheads
