Dad to screaming kid: Stop screaming! Stop screaming! Do you want to go to time out?
Screaming kid to dad: It's too cold for time out!
Dad to screaming kid: Then we'll do it on the subway!
Screaming kid to dad: There's no time out on the subway!
Dad to screaming kid: There is if daddy leaves you on the train.
–42nd & 7th
Six-year-old girl, holding hands with her mom: It feels like we are going the wrong way.
Mother: I think we are going the right way.
Six-year-old girl: Yeah, it also feels like we are going the right way, at the same time. That's weird! (giggles) Sometimes, I feel sad and happy at the same time. Isn't that weird? (more giggles)
Mother: That's not weird, honey. Mommy often feels happy and sad; that's why I need my afternoon nap every day.
Six-year-old girl: I only want to be happy, mom.
Mother: Me too…
–6th Ave & 4th St
Overheard by: Brett
Mother to six-year-old daughter: How do you feel?
Six-year-old girl: Like P. Diddy.
–Queens Blvd & 63rd Dr
Little boy, staring at ad where woman bites necklace off another woman: Ew! That's gross!
Mom: Let me know if you still feel that way in 10 years.
–D Train
Overheard by: Catherine
Dad to three-year-old daughter: No, honey, moose don't moo.
Daughter: Moose don't moo?
–7 train
7-year-old boy: I can beat you up in a fight!
Mom: Oh, Lord, here we go…
7-year-old boy: What?
Mom: I said “Oh, Lord, here we go”!
7-year-old boy: I can beat you in fight! You said so yourself!
Mom: When?
7-year-old boy: You said my farts could kill people!
Mom: That's right, even in a hurricane.
–7th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: EVB
Young mother to toddler son, about creepy man on train: Don't be like him when you grow up. Guys like him don't get a lotta bitches."
–4 Train
Overheard by: Mollie Reznick
JAP to companion: Gosh, I hate her. She's such a bitch. No, we haven't met before. I don't want to meet her; she's a bitch.
–L Train
Overheard by: high school was so two years ago
Woman leaving voicemail: Don't worry about the page 6 thing. It'll blow over, then we'll bury that bitch!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: David G
Gangsta: So then I had my wedding ring melted down and put in my mouth. So every time that bitch saw me smile, she saw my ring.
–A Train
Overheard by: jm
LIRR commuter: And look, I love my daughter to death, but that girl is a *bitch*!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Andy
SUV driver to pedicab trying to make its way through the snow: Hey, buddy! I got a reindeer, ya wanna buy it?
–8th Ave & 48th St
Loud 13-year-old: Shut the fuck up, it's almost Christmas.
–B Train
Overheard by: Taylor
Middle-aged guy on cell: You'll never guess what I'm doing for Christmas. You'll never guess in a million years. (pause) Uhm, yeah, that's pretty close.
–8th Ave
Guy dressed in Santa costume on cell: Stop being such a weenie!
–Midtown
Angry little girl to older brother: If you don't let Santa out of our closet I will!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Taylor
Nine-year-old thugette: Oh, that's my man! Look, there's my man, there goes my sexy man!
Eight-year-old thugette: Shut up, that ain't yo man, that's yo brother!
–The Bronx
60-something balding man: I think quitting teaching is the best thing I've ever done.
Wife: Oh, yeah. Good, honey!
60-something balding man: I mean, I fucking hate kids.
–15th St & 1st Ave
