Wednesday One-Liners Just Do It for the Endorphins

Mystified/amused pot dealer, as two jocks jog past him after sunset: They just runnin'! No cops, no robbers, no cowboys, no Indians, nothing blowin' up. They just runnin'!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: innocent bystander

Dad to three-year-old boy learning to how to swing: Well, maybe if you were in better shape, this would be easy for you. You need to work on your abdominals.

–Rckefeller Park

Overheard by: Maria

White buff guy, during spin class: I need to do some serious laundry, so I only had the one clean towel. If ya can't get one, I can always just give you mine and do my usual air dry jumping jacks for the insane amount of fems they have in the locker room over there. But apparently I have a bad-case-of-gay-face, because they look at me like a fat kid in front of the tasty delight window.

–29th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Lace

Suit to another: I wish I could bench press the sins of the world!

–74th St & Broadway

Girl in short skirt and stilettos: Did we just power-strut too far?

–PATH

Posted on June 3, 2009
Battery Park, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Dads, Druggies, Fitness, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Jocks, Kids, Meatheads, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, Religion, Street, Suits, Thievery, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Again, Amy Didn't Expect It to Be Beautiful

Little boy to mother: Mommy, what is that?
Mother: It's a woman, sweetie.
Little girl, screaming to mother: Mommy, she's naked! That woman is naked!
(mother ignores her)
Little girl, whispering: She's naked, she's a naked woman.

–1 Train

Posted on June 2, 2009
Families, Kids, Moms, Nudity, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Weirdness

He's About a Minute Away from Devolving Into, “Red Rum! Red Rum!”

Adorable singing toddler: Too many people! Too many people! Too many people!
(train stops at station)
Adorable singing toddler: This train needs to move!
Woman sitting nearby: This kid is *awesome*!
(minutes later)
Adorable toddler, still singing: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow! Be quiet, cat. Meow, meow, meow, meow! Shhh…cat, be quiet. You're not my cat, be quiet! Meow? Meow! Meow meow!

–Downtown 3 Train

Posted on May 29, 2009
Compliments, Gay Man's Best Friend, Kids, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Singing, Women

Wednesday One-Liners, Cracked but Not Broken

Large woman attempting to sit down: Y'all better slide down, cause my ass is wide!

–Downtown 4 Train

Overheard by: squished

Limping black hobo to preppy white male: Maaaaan…what's that got to do with wiping yo' ass?

–10th Ave b/w 50th & 51st

Middle aged man to daughter: Come on, let's go look for baby bottle butt!

–H Mart

Professor: I got excited because another man touched my ass in public!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Haven't we all?

Seated man to mom letting her child run around restaurant: Your daughter just put her hand in my butt crack.

–Park Slope

Posted on May 27, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Black People, Cleanliness, Dads, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Fordham, Grocery Stores, Height, Hobos, Horny, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Poop, Preppies, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

If You Put a Bunch Of Them in a Wheel You Could Solve the Energy Crisis

Girl to friend: She's been out ice skating with her sister for two hours…how the hell does a five-year-old ice skate for three hours?
Friend: I know, right? Kids are like hamsters.

–John St

Posted on May 26, 2009
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Kids, Sports, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

As One Is Wont to Do

Short girl: Where's Alanna?
Tall girl: I think she's off hitting on those rich kids she babysits.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Oh no!

Posted on May 26, 2009
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Money & Class, Questions, Violence

They're Like Madagascar.

Seven-year-old boy: This hat is fake.
Seven-year-old girl: Hats can't be fake. Hats can't even be real.

–6 Train

Overheard by: oldsamcole

Posted on May 24, 2009
Clothing, Fakes, Kids, On the Subway

Like When He Was 2 and He Still Didn't Know About Santa

Hot nerdy girl: Like that one time when I was 11, and I got in trouble for telling Kevin that there's bacteria in yogurt and he started crying. Like, ugh, its not my fault you raised him to be so oblivious.
Hipster friend: Yeah, he was like 6 or something, he shoulda known dat shit by then.

–66th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Robert

Posted on May 24, 2009
Age/Aging, Crying, Education, Food, Friends, Hipsters, Kids, Nerds, Science, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

The Republic Of Jeans Isn't a Democracy, Chuckie

Dad to kids on freezing day: Who wants to go in this jeans store to get warm?
Preteen girl: I love jeans!
Slightly younger girl: I love jeans!
Little brother: I hate jeans! (starts to cry)

–Broadway & Spring St

Posted on May 24, 2009
Clothing, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Gripes, Kids, Soho, Tweens, Wishes & desires

Now Let's Go Find Obama's Ancestors

Little boy to mom at Native American exhibit: Oh! Weapons!
Mom: Yeah, those are weapons, but we don't like them because they hurt people and are used during wars.
Little boy: President Bush started a war!
Mom: Yes he did, and that's why we don't like him.

–The Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Hanna!

Posted on May 23, 2009
Kids, Moms, Museum of Natural History, Parents, President, War, Weapons