Little boy dancing in circles: Challah for a dollah! Challah for a dollah!
Babysitter: Holla? Like “holla back”?
Little boy, stopping dancing: No, fool! The bread! (resumes singing and dancing)
–MoMa
Four-year-old girl #1, looking at exhibit of NorthWest Coast Indians: I like her because she's pretty.
Four-year-old girl #2: I like you because you're pretty.
–Natural History Museum
Overheard by: E. M. Rees
Train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there are four doors on each subway car. If one of them is crowded, walk over to another door. Seriously! We do not need 86 people standing at 86th Street. Just move to another door. It's simple mathematics!
–C Train
Teen shopper to friend: I like hate math except for like…when I'm counting calories and stuff.
–Fashion Closet
Girl to guy: Some people believe in the laws of attraction, I believe in the laws of subtraction.
–Bus Stop Cafe
Pharmacist to another: What's one half of a half?
–CVS
African-American father to five-year-old daughter: You see? That's why I send you to a Chinese school. Because those Chinese kids know how to do math. You gotta know how to do math if you want to make something of yourself. If I sent you to a black school, you'd just turn into a crackhead. If I sent you to a white school you'd turn into an asshole. But those Chinese kids, man, they know how to do shit.
–4 Train
Teacher: And if your friend comes up to you and says, "man, yesterday I had cosecant pi plus cotangent 2 pi slices of pizza today," …and you went and figured it out, you'd look at him and say "man, you're an asshole!"
–Hunter College High School
Overheard by: Kevo
Man yelling at children: If I see it I spank it!
–94th St & Columbus
Overheard by: olivia
Mother to complaining seven-year-old daughter: Let's pretend we're the Israelites wandering in the desert.
–42nd St & 8th Ave
Mom to child: If you do that again, I swear to god, I will make you ride outside! I will strap you to the wing and make you ride outside!
–JetBlue Plane, JFK Tarmac
Woman to small child looking at store window: Jean-Claude, you simply cannot be this demanding at two and a half!
–3rd Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Paula Katinas
Mother to screaming child: You are so mean! Who raised you? Wild animals? Indians?
–Greene St, SoHo
Overheard by: Mememonkey
Mom getting on subway to small kids: Well, now you know what "burlesque" means!
–1 Train
Seven-year-old boy: Will I meet my goldfish in heaven someday?
Mother: I don't know anything about what happens to goldfish when they die, but I can tell you that there is no god.
–Bleecker & MacDougal
Reverend: God was too big to die. So he lives, and so it's an empty cross.
Child: (asks unheard question)
Reverend: Well, you could use them against vampires too.
–First Presbyterian Church, 5th Ave
Mystified/amused pot dealer, as two jocks jog past him after sunset: They just runnin'! No cops, no robbers, no cowboys, no Indians, nothing blowin' up. They just runnin'!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Dad to three-year-old boy learning to how to swing: Well, maybe if you were in better shape, this would be easy for you. You need to work on your abdominals.
–Rckefeller Park
Overheard by: Maria
White buff guy, during spin class: I need to do some serious laundry, so I only had the one clean towel. If ya can't get one, I can always just give you mine and do my usual air dry jumping jacks for the insane amount of fems they have in the locker room over there. But apparently I have a bad-case-of-gay-face, because they look at me like a fat kid in front of the tasty delight window.
–29th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Lace
Suit to another: I wish I could bench press the sins of the world!
–74th St & Broadway
Girl in short skirt and stilettos: Did we just power-strut too far?
–PATH
Little boy to mother: Mommy, what is that?
Mother: It's a woman, sweetie.
Little girl, screaming to mother: Mommy, she's naked! That woman is naked!
(mother ignores her)
Little girl, whispering: She's naked, she's a naked woman.
–1 Train
Adorable singing toddler: Too many people! Too many people! Too many people!
(train stops at station)
Adorable singing toddler: This train needs to move!
Woman sitting nearby: This kid is *awesome*!
(minutes later)
Adorable toddler, still singing: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow! Be quiet, cat. Meow, meow, meow, meow! Shhh…cat, be quiet. You're not my cat, be quiet! Meow? Meow! Meow meow!
–Downtown 3 Train
Large woman attempting to sit down: Y'all better slide down, cause my ass is wide!
–Downtown 4 Train
Overheard by: squished
Limping black hobo to preppy white male: Maaaaan…what's that got to do with wiping yo' ass?
–10th Ave b/w 50th & 51st
Middle aged man to daughter: Come on, let's go look for baby bottle butt!
–H Mart
Professor: I got excited because another man touched my ass in public!
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Haven't we all?
Seated man to mom letting her child run around restaurant: Your daughter just put her hand in my butt crack.
–Park Slope
