Kids

Hush, Little Wednesday, Don't You One-Liner

Mother to screaming child: Please stop crying and put your coat on. I am not hurting you or torturing you, so please stop crying.

–4th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: olivejuice

Father to kid who just started crying: Hey, stop! I thought I told you to wait until we got home!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lucian

Guy to girl, on Valentine's Day: You look fat when you cry.

–Cobble Hill

Overheard by: MJB

Hispanic man on phone to girlfriend: Ma, why you cryin?! You should be breaking up with me because I hit you!

–Staten Island Ferry

Guy to girlfriend: I'm sorry I pulled your hair while you were crying.

–Bowery & 2nd

Wednesdays Make You Want to Have One-Liners of Your Own

Little white boy to frustrated black nanny who is trying to hail a cab: My daddy always gets a taxi!

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Dan

Little boy: This place is like a dead zoo.

–American Museum of Natural History

Four-year-old boy: Yo, this sofa is mad comfy!

–Used Furniture Store, Staten Island

Four-year-old boy: That’s enough, I’m calling Interpol!

–A Train

Overheard by: Swarles

Little girl to mom after terrible Skyride attraction: Mommy, can we never do this again?
(random guy behind her starts laughing) Stop it! Stop laughing at me!

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: Claire

Eight-year-old boy: This museum is inappropriate.

–The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Greek & Roman Sculpture Wing

Overheard by: Taylor

Her Sister Reports Directly to the Vice President

Eleven-year-old girl, listening to iPod: Ok, so I can’t listen to any high school music, right?
Her nine-year-old sister: Yeah.
Eleven-year-old girl: Ok, just making sure.

–Metro-North, Harlem Line

Overheard by: jenny’s hero

When You Decide to Have Kids, You're in for a Rocky Road.

Mother, about her hyperactive child: Looooong day. Long day, and too much ice cream.
Hyperactive child: No.

–King Tut Exhibit, Times Square

Overheard by: Sarah

Every Nasty Thing You Say to a Kid Will Come Back to You

[A woman is dragging a five-year-old boy into the women’s restroom.]Boy: I don’t want to go in.
Woman: Come on, it’ll only take a minute.
Boy: But you can wipe your ass by yourself now!

–Times Square

Mine’s Working Now, You Treacherous Little Faggot

Little boy: You can’t tell.
Mom: Yes, you can sense it. It’s called gaydar.

–Central Park

Young Urban Professional Wednesday One-Liners

Yuppie screenwriter girl: So I was a very precocious child. Or whatever, y'know. And I just wanted to explore that dynamic a little bit? Basically it's a buddy picture between the little me and the big me.

–14th & 8th

Yuppie woman: And what do I say to that? "I have a smack habit, give me money"!

–St. Mark's Place

Yuppie man: If I hear "breast milk cupcakes" one more time…

–Outside Gotham Bar and Grill

Yuppie, thoughtfully: It's not the mustard, it's what the mustard represents!

–Food Emporium, 2nd Ave

She'd Have So Much in Common with Them

Bro #1: Dude, I don't know, every day this week she's been upset. Crying about something, then apologizing…
Bro #2: Solid. You guys should make kids.

–4 Train

But If You Write It All Down, You’re a Novelist

Mom: Are you talking to yourself?
Five-year-old: Yes.
Mom: As long as you don’t answer yourself.
Five-year-old: Why?
Mom: Because then you’re crazy.

–N Train

Overheard by: Hannah

How about Astroglide Aston?

Sixth-grade boy #1: What’s my stripper name?
Sixth-grade boy #2: Sexy Frank.
Sixth-grade boy #3: No! The names have to have assonance!
Sixth-grade boy #2: My name is Horny Harry!
Sixth-grade boy #1: I’m Lubricant Liam!

–121 Lincoln Pl, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Anna

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist