Kids

Mother: Which side do we get out on?
12-Year-Old daughter: Whatever door opens, Mom.
Mother: Yeah, but both doors say they’ll open.
12-Year-Old daughter: Just get out on the side with the platform, Mom.

–LIRR

Overheard by: vick
Headline by: Spotty Muldoon

Runners-Up:
· “Dad Went to Harvard; Mom Went to Nassau Community” – bri b
· “God Never Closes a Door Without Confusing a Mother” – Eamon
· “Mind the Generation Gap” – d f
· “Must Be as Smart as This Door to Enter the City” – Amy Stephenson
· “Not a Throw Momma From The Train Fan” – John P.
· “The Other Side Is For the Tourists” – Andrea P
· “Twelve-Year-Old Finally Tells Mom Where to Get Off” – Vince Johnson
· “When She Was Pregnant, She Asked the Fetus Which Hole It Would Come Out Of” – janey
· “Wile E. Coyote Needed This Kind of Help” – DC Wonk

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Five-year-old girl: Mommy, come on. This is not your time.
Mommy: When is my time?
Five-year-old girl: Never!

–Barnes & Noble, Chelsea

Overheard by: ruby

Four-year-old boy: I'm sexy.
Mother: No, you're handsome.
Four-year-old boy: I'm sexy!
Mother: No! You're handsome!

–D Train

Prep school boy #1: So, does she still like you?
Prep school boy #2: Yes, and she’s ruining my hallway experience.

–G train

Overheard by: Erin Partridge

Teenager: Do you know where the Gay Pride Parade is?… I’m not gay!

–Astor Place

Guy: And so, this one gay guy in your office was wearing these pants, and his fly was open and this straight guy could see his penis, or some shit like that, right?

–9th St, Park Slope

Queer on cell: You really think she’s into gay guys?

–NYU

Guy, pointing to gay hipster: That’s like “I like it in the bum” written in hair.

–Peculier Pub, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Mad

Mom, to young son: It’s not a matter of being gay or not, darling. I just won’t let you participate in your school play.

–Broadway

Girl: Well, I couldn’t really sing the last part. We were both on our backs with our legs wide open. The only redeeming fact is that he was gay!

–Corbin Plaza, Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl

Flamboyant tween boy: I hate health class! You know what I’m going to do in health class today? I’m going to tell the teacher I’m gay! And that I like to suck dick!

–5th Ave, Park Slope

Son: Can I have a grape soda?
Mother: When you're 12.
Son: When I'm… 10?
Mother: When you brush you teeth better.

–49th St

Overheard by: Justin

Girl: I’m just worried that she’s going to be scary. I mean, talk about Bible stories, but not the Devil, or going to hell. They’re 5 year olds.
Guy: I wouldn’t worry about that.
Girl: Just, you know, some Christians are crazy.
Guy: I’m more worried that they’ll want to be naked and she’ll be offended.

–1 train

Overheard by: Nadine

Six-year-old blonde girl with a Hanna Montana purse: Daddy, it’s so dark, isn’t this romantic?
Dad, nervously looking around: No, this is the farthest thing from romantic.

–7 Train

Five-year-old girl in funny voice: I don't wear eyeshadow. I am an alien. I am allowed to be weird.

–Downtown 6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Brunette: So, wait. Are they scientists or large-headed aliens?

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You may not know this, but I am from another planet. I am also recruiting souls for my army in the underworld. We are four hundred thousand billion strong. Everybody better watch out!

–1 Train

Geeky guy to another: Have you seen the planet he's from? Goddamn!

–N Train

Girl to friend (animated, with hand gestures): I mean, you could actually *see* E.T.'s birth…

–5th Ave & 14th St

Guy, very sure of himself: I would much rather hunt aliens than ghosts, at least that makes sense.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: jessi pfeufer

Five-year-old child: Is this our stop, mommy?
Mother: No sweetie, this is the ghetto. Never get off here.
(two people sitting across give them dirty looks as they leave the train)

–Metro-North, Harlem

Overheard by: getting off at the 125th street stop