Just Wait 'Til You Have Wednesday One-Liners Of Your Own!

Ghetto guy herding large group of rowdy kids off train: Scuse me, scuse me, scuse me! Lotta kids, they all ain't mine!

–C Train

Overheard by: Julie S.

Professional woman on cell: I mean, she said she'd finally come to the place where she realizes her kids are shit, and she can just wash her hands off the whole situation and be done with it!

–40th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rachel

Receptionist to UPS guy: Shit, I got five kids, and they're all bad.

–6th Ave & 47th

Overheard by: thanks mom

Angry woman, yelling on phone: Nigga, don't give me that "parenting role" shit!

–Flatbush Ave & Park Place, Brooklyn

Concerned mother: He's not even potty-trained, all he does is eat the toilet paper.

–University Pl & 8th St

Overheard by: Justin

Posted on February 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Should've Used a Condom, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Today's Little Red-Haired Girl Would Be All Over Charlie Brown

Six-year-old girl: I'm hot.
Babysitter: I know, it's really hot out.
Six-year-old girl, jumping up and down: No, I'm *hot*, like sexy hot!

–74th St & West End

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Posted on February 5, 2015
Horny, Kids, Nurses, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Weirdness, Words

Art for Wednesday One-Liner’s Sake

Woman at bar to her friend: Ok, I know I’m an art dealer, but I’m like, the least bourgeois person I know.

–Smith & Mills (restaurant in Tribeca)

Overheard by: the lerpa

Little boy to friends: There are are four really big, important artists: Monet, Van Gogh, Renoir and… Pistachio.

–Impressionism Room, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: I love Pistachio’s green period

Young girl: These paintings smell nice and fresh!

–The Met

Angry white suburban artist to Jews for Jesus: Stop talking! You are pushing this on me without me asking -that makes you a cult. Go away. We don’t like your kind here -we are all white suburban artists.

–Morgan L Stop on Bogart

Overheard by: not a hipster

Gangsta: Dali? Ain’t he like, Picasso or some shit?

–The Met

Posted on February 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Artists, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Names, Offers and requests, Questions, Race, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Met, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

…Without Saying “Please”

Little girl: I want a cookie!
Grandmother: Ain't you know better, girl? You can't eat junk like that!

–KFC, Park Slope

Overheard by: Starscream

Posted on February 4, 2015
Families, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Park Slope, Restaurants & Cafes, Wishes & desires

When Soldiers Have Hippie Children

Boy: I didn’t know you were a serial killer!
Man: I’m not a serial killer! I am your father!

–St. Mark’s, between 2nd & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Irish Eyes

Posted on February 3, 2015
Family Ties, Kids, Lower East Side

As Is Required by US Law

Mother: I'm so glad you want to learn about voting!
Five-year-old girl, to employee: Where are your books about Joe Biden?
(ten minutes later)
Five-year-old girl, screaming at the magazine rack: I want the magazine with the lady from TV on it!
Mother: Use your indoor voice. You know what her name is.
Five-year-old girl: But…I love Oprah.

–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lexington

Posted on February 3, 2015
Books & Writing, Dads, Kids, Names, Politics, Should've Used a Condom, Store, TV, Upper East Side

Blood’s Available in the Gift Shop

Little girl in stroller pointing to Bodies Exhibit poster: Mama, what’s that?
Mom: That’s what the inside of your body looks like. That’s what your heart looks like. I don’t know what everything else is.
Little girl: Where’s all the blood?
Mom: Well, I guess they drained the blood. Isn’t it pretty?

–LIRR, Penn Station

Posted on February 2, 2015
Kids, Moms, Penn Station

You Also Said That About Plastic Sporks

Four-year-old #1: Do you know who Slash is?
Four-year-old #2: Nope. What is it?
Four-year-old #1: He is from the Guns and the Roses.
Four-year-old #2: What’s that?
Four-year-old #1: It’s dangerous.

–World Financial Center

Posted on February 2, 2015
About Celebrities, Default, Fears, Kids, Music, Questions, Threats, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Or Straight

Boy: You know what, I don’t know anyone who has such good taste in fashion as me, and I’m only twelve!
Mom: Honey, stop saying those things. People will think you’re arrogant.
Girl: It’s only arrogance if you’re wrong.

–McDonald’s, Times Square

Posted on February 1, 2015
Age/Aging, Brothers, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fashion, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Sisters, Times Square, Tweens

You Leave Your Death Stars Exposed

Child #1: … Make you join the dark side.
Field trip chaperone: And what exactly is the dark side, Christopher?
Child #1: It’s Darth Vader.
Child #2: No, it ain’t! The dark side is when you’re wearing basketball shorts and nothing underneath.

–Crowded 6 train

Overheard by: Tea

Posted on January 31, 2015
Clothing, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Kids, Movies, On the Subway, Talking/Convos

Kids