Art for Wednesday One-Liner’s Sake

Woman at bar to her friend: Ok, I know I’m an art dealer, but I’m like, the least bourgeois person I know.

–Smith & Mills (restaurant in Tribeca)

Overheard by: the lerpa

Little boy to friends: There are are four really big, important artists: Monet, Van Gogh, Renoir and… Pistachio.

–Impressionism Room, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: I love Pistachio’s green period

Young girl: These paintings smell nice and fresh!

–The Met

Angry white suburban artist to Jews for Jesus: Stop talking! You are pushing this on me without me asking -that makes you a cult. Go away. We don’t like your kind here -we are all white suburban artists.

–Morgan L Stop on Bogart

Overheard by: not a hipster

Gangsta: Dali? Ain’t he like, Picasso or some shit?

–The Met

Posted on February 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Artists, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Names, Offers and requests, Questions, Race, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Met, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

…Without Saying “Please”

Little girl: I want a cookie!
Grandmother: Ain't you know better, girl? You can't eat junk like that!

–KFC, Park Slope

Overheard by: Starscream

Posted on February 4, 2015
Families, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Park Slope, Restaurants & Cafes, Wishes & desires

When Soldiers Have Hippie Children

Boy: I didn’t know you were a serial killer!
Man: I’m not a serial killer! I am your father!

–St. Mark’s, between 2nd & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Irish Eyes

Posted on February 3, 2015
Family Ties, Kids, Lower East Side

As Is Required by US Law

Mother: I'm so glad you want to learn about voting!
Five-year-old girl, to employee: Where are your books about Joe Biden?
(ten minutes later)
Five-year-old girl, screaming at the magazine rack: I want the magazine with the lady from TV on it!
Mother: Use your indoor voice. You know what her name is.
Five-year-old girl: But…I love Oprah.

–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lexington

Posted on February 3, 2015
Books & Writing, Dads, Kids, Names, Politics, Should've Used a Condom, Store, TV, Upper East Side

Blood’s Available in the Gift Shop

Little girl in stroller pointing to Bodies Exhibit poster: Mama, what’s that?
Mom: That’s what the inside of your body looks like. That’s what your heart looks like. I don’t know what everything else is.
Little girl: Where’s all the blood?
Mom: Well, I guess they drained the blood. Isn’t it pretty?

–LIRR, Penn Station

Posted on February 2, 2015
Kids, Moms, Penn Station

You Also Said That About Plastic Sporks

Four-year-old #1: Do you know who Slash is?
Four-year-old #2: Nope. What is it?
Four-year-old #1: He is from the Guns and the Roses.
Four-year-old #2: What’s that?
Four-year-old #1: It’s dangerous.

–World Financial Center

Posted on February 2, 2015
About Celebrities, Default, Fears, Kids, Music, Questions, Threats, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Or Straight

Boy: You know what, I don’t know anyone who has such good taste in fashion as me, and I’m only twelve!
Mom: Honey, stop saying those things. People will think you’re arrogant.
Girl: It’s only arrogance if you’re wrong.

–McDonald’s, Times Square

Posted on February 1, 2015
Age/Aging, Brothers, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fashion, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Sisters, Times Square, Tweens

You Leave Your Death Stars Exposed

Child #1: … Make you join the dark side.
Field trip chaperone: And what exactly is the dark side, Christopher?
Child #1: It’s Darth Vader.
Child #2: No, it ain’t! The dark side is when you’re wearing basketball shorts and nothing underneath.

–Crowded 6 train

Overheard by: Tea

Posted on January 31, 2015
Clothing, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Kids, Movies, On the Subway, Talking/Convos

Wednesday One-Liners Are What She Said

Conductor: Please stop holding my doors open in the back! (pause, no change) Stop pushing open my doors in the back! (pause, no change) Hey, I don't want no more people squeezing through my openings in the back, okay?

–Q Train

Overexcited tourist dad to little girls: Alright, Jade*, blow the bubbles towards Leah*. Yes, towards her, like facing each other, so I can take a picture… When I tell you, okay? Perfect. Okay, now blow each other.

–Liberty Park

Suit: Well, it's not very large by adult standards, but it's big for what it is.

–Queens

Male office worker: My drawers are getting tight already.

–Broadway

Old woman: Would you like to give a donation to help feed our pussies?

–PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Lex

Posted on January 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Clerks, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Dads, Height, Kids, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Pictures, Public Transportation, Queens, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Don't Judge Me. Bitch

Little girl with cotton candy to lonely goth girl sitting on a curb: Look! I have cotton candy! See? (shoves it in her face)
Goth girl: Oh…good?
Mother: Ha, ha! Like you care!

–St. Mark's Place

Posted on January 29, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Food, Girls, Goths, Kids, Moms, The Village, Weirdness

Kids