Our Wednesday One-Liners in Blue

Cop on cell: Yeah, Adam just called. Are there bodies there?

–Outside Times Square Police Station

Overheard by: leah

Police officer on crowd control duty: If you was special, you'd get on the sidewalk. If you was my family, you'd get on the sidewalk.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Claire

Little boy to mother, after policeman walks by: Mom, it's the five-o!

–38th St, Astoria

Man: Yo, I was so twisted last night. I was in the cop car and he was like, "no drinking in the cop car!"

–Lexington & 75th

Overheard by: wb

Cop to victim: So the doors and windows were locked,no sign of forced entry…and you're sure that your panty drawer was rifled through and unknown items are missing?

–Bensonhurst

Posted on February 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Clothing, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Thievery, Times Square, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Global Warming? Really?

Six-year-old daughter: What’s wrong? You’re looking at me like it’s my fault, but you’re saying it’s not my fault, but I get the feeling it is my fault.
Mother: I’m not saying it’s your fault this time. I’m just saying if you keep doing things wrong, it will be your fault.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Ari

Posted on February 14, 2015
Central Park, Kids, Moms, Parents

He Takes All His Cues from U.S. Foreign Policy Decisions

Little boy #1: I had a fight!
Little boy #2 (clearly impressed): You did? Who did you fight?
Little boy #1, gesturing at toddler in stroller: Her.
Little boy #2 (scornfully): You didn't fight her! You bit her!

–Laundromat, Brooklyn

Overheard by: little o

Posted on February 13, 2015
Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fighting and ass kicking, Kids, Laundromat, Questions

But isn’t Canada the Party School?

Frantic, screaming child: But I wanna transfer. I wanna transfer!
Calm mother: And where do you wanna transfer to?
Child: Australia.

–crosstown bus, 72nd St

Overheard by: steven
Headline by: woo hoo

Runners-Up:
· “And Try To Get Through Samoa at Rush Hour?” – Greg Costello
· “But It’s Always So Early There” – Kelsey
· “Kangaroos seek 21st century juvies for fun, romance.” – sidruid
· “Kids Say The Crikiest Things!” – josh
· “She drank a lot of Foster’s during pregnancy” – lc
· “This is why you should beat your children” – Adam
· “We Brits would have sent him for free in the old days” – Iain, London

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 13, 2015
Bus, Education, Headline Contest Winners, Kids, Moms, On the Bus, Parents, School and studying, Students, Travel

Like, What Are His Political Leanings?

Charity volunteer: Would you like to sponsor this child?
Grumpy man: I got three kids at home, and besides, I never even met this bastard!

–Broadway at City Hall

Overheard by: Darrin

Posted on February 12, 2015
Insults, Kids, Men, Nice People, Offers and requests, Only in New York, Strangers, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

If You're Wednesday and You Know It, Clap Your One-Liners

Young black lady to friend: I am so happy this is my last week! I hate New York City! Everybody is so rude! Today I nearly punched somebody in the face!

–Elevator, Midtown

Overheard by: thorn

Metro guy, singing: If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it. If you're happy and you know it, get a Metro.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: erkala

Six-year-old boy to mom: The things in cave paintings don't always look happy.

–81st & 1st

Overheard by: Tim

Obvious lawyer, on Yom Kippur: My finger is happy to have the day off.

–32nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: k

Posted on February 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Elevators, Free stuff!, Friends, Gripes, Happiness, Holidays, Kids, Lawyers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Only in New York, Penn Station, Punch, Singing, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Give Me Some, or I’ll Tell Mom You Lost Your Head

6-Year-Old girl, holding onto pole and craning neck backwards: I did this once, and my head came off and they had to put a new one on.
Younger brother: That made you dumb. I want ice cream.

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: obyun

Posted on February 12, 2015
Families, Food, Kids, On the Subway

Urban Patois Jumps the Shark: Part Two

Three-year-old daughter: Mom! I want to sit in the pink chair!
WASP mother: Charlotte… Talk to the hand.

–Macki boutique, 146 Reade St

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on February 11, 2015
Insults, Kids, Moms

It's the Great Wednesday One-Liner, Charlie Brown

Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.

–A Train

Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?

–Halloween Adventure

Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!

–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: kathcom

Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!

–Downtown 6 Train

Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.

–Downtown 6 train

Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: J. Ra

Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.

–Soho

Overheard by: Edan

Posted on February 10, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Astoria, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Fruit, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Music, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Sexuality, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, TV, Vagina, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Go to Brooklyn to Eat

Elderly woman yelling at man looking at map: Where you going? What color is your train? Is it yellow or orange? This train is green. You should get on a red train. (singing) Red, orange, yellow, green, blue. Oh, and brown. Can't forget that. Just don't go to Brooklyn. No. No. No-o-o-o. Not there.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl on phone: My friend said that's probably why I don't like Brooklyn–because I have the night of the living dead outside my window…

–Amsterdam & 112th

Upper East Side man: If you really want to rough it, go to Brooklyn.

–84th & 2nd

Little girl shouting: Everyone in this entire building is going to Brooklyn!

–Grand Central

Posted on February 8, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Colors, Columbia University, Death, Directions, Film, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women