Latino with kid’s bike #1: Yeah, he wants to change Father’s Day to ‘Dad Gets a Free Lap Dance Day.’ And he wants to call Halloween, uh… He wants to call it… uh… Yo, why’s it called ‘Halloween,’ anyway? What the fuck is Halloween?
Latino with kid’s bike #2: ‘Cause you know the word ‘hollow,’ like a tree is hollow? You know, and pumpkins are hollow. And ‘ween’ ’cause you can wear anything you want, like women’s clothing and shit.
–Manhattan-bound L train
Overheard by: Mistah Rabbit
Latina: Oh my god! This girl had a busted, Mexican-looking face with just fat everywhere. You throw her in the water, that bitch will float!
White friend: Uhhh, humans float anyway.
Latina: Whatever, she was fat.
–Richmond Hill, Queens
Hispanic toddler, whining: Daddy, I want a corn dog!
Hispanic dad, completely serious: I'm going to punch you in the face.
Hispanic mother: Coño!
–6th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jesse H.
Chonga #1: I never said I was goin out wit him, we just went places together. I wouldn't say I was goin out wit a married man…
Chonga #2: Mmmm-hmmm.
Chonga #1: At least I not da only ho!
–J Train
Skinny Spanish girl: That nigga was saying how he had me moaning and screaming, but I was like, "nigga, I'm just loud–that doesn't mean you're good!"
–Ft. Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: also loud
Ghetto chick to friend: Yo…in my country, it's illegal to not please your woman. You gotta fuck her till she begs you to stop.
–116th & 1st
Overheard by: DonnaRae
Man on phone: Yeah…I just fingerblasted her for like an hour. No big deal.
–E 4th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: intern2
Mom to teenage son: And I was like "sure, have sex in my bed, it never sees any."
–Mercer & W 3rd
Girl on cell: Oh no, he's back fucking his secretary now, so I'm like, completely free!
–East Village
20-something on cell, after loud graphic sex tale: And don't you be telling anyone! I don't like strangers knowing my business.
–Express Bus to Brooklyn
Angry black woman: Why these motherfuckers always wearing "right for life" buttons, philosophizing and shit?
–Dallas BBQ, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mike H
Student: Aborting your baby is so boring now. Everyone does it.
–Bard High School Early College
Drunk loud teenage Latina: Ladies and gentlemen, I am a minority and I have never had an abortion!
–N Train
Overheard by: g-lime
Man on cell: Oh… Oh shit… Well, can't you just take a wire hanger and pull it out? Yeah, just stick the hanger in and pull it right out! Okay? Okay. Bye.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: marge
Fabulous gay guy: So, my coworkers at Olive Garden all wanted to go out for a picnic one day. Our one friend had to work though, so we told her to tell our boss she needed to go get an abortion and she actually did it!
–Life Cafe, Avenue B & 10th St
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Hispanic mother with child on Halloween, to liquor store vendor: You got candy?
Vendor: No, no candy.
Mother to child: Know what happens when they don't got no candy baby? They get egged.
–Liquor Store, 12th St & Ave A
Black guy: Yo, are you white?
Hispanic guy: Um… Are you black?
–Bronx
Latino #1: My wife’s been sick lately.
Latino #2: Hope she ain’t pregnant.
Latino #1: If she’s pregnant, I’m callin’ Maury Povich!
–Dallas BBQ, St. Mark’s Pl
Hispanic man #1: Fucking wind. It’s fucking cold up here, Holmes.
Hispanic man #2: People complain about New York too much, man. Remember how we had them killer bees?
–120th between 1st & Pleasant
Overheard by: Patrick Stegall
