Harry Wednesday and the Half-Blood One-Liner

Chick on cell: Look, there are only two people other than me who can construct a sentence that awesome: Severus Snape and Keith Olbermann, and one of them isn't even real!

–18th & 6th

Middle-aged man on cell: Hey man, guess what. I just saw Harry Potter's magic wand!

—Equus, Broadhurst Theatre

Overheard by: Kilfy

Chick on cell: Is he one of Voldemort's friends from high school?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Loud girl to friend: Because seriously, how many real redheads do we actually know? And Ron Weasley doesn't count!

–NYU

IT VP: This guy at work told me the ending to the last Harry Potter book before I read it. So I fired him.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Jason E

Posted on April 8, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Books & Writing, Bosses, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Hair, Jobs & Careers, Magic, Men, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Store, Theater, Wednesday One-Liners

And I Think He'd Look Hot in a Top Hat and Bowtie

Boyfriend: Ah, don't listen to her, she still believes in magic.
Girlfriend: Jesus! I believe in Jesus!

–117th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Schenk

Posted on April 4, 2009
Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jesus, Magic

What About Hamburger Helper, Smart Guy?

Old man #1: You've seen that guy at the deli. You see behind the counter? The guy's only wearing one glove. Now you can't do all your work with one hand, can you? The lord gave you two for a reason.
Old man #2: Only one man can do magic with one glove. That's Michael Jackson.
Old man #1: And his magic done run out.

–M10 Bus

Overheard by: Alexandra

Posted on March 16, 2009
Body Parts, Clothing, God, Magic, Music, Old People, On the Bus

But I Can Only Grant You Wishes Number One and Two

Young woman, entering restroom, to Starbucks employee standing outside: Oh, I thought you were waiting to use it.
Starbucks employee: No. I'm the bathroom genie. I make the magic happen.

–Starbucks

Posted on March 7, 2009
9 to 5-ers, Jobs & Careers, Magic, Starbucks, Weirdness, Women

Watch Me Pull a Rabbit Out Of It!

Guy to friend: Hey, did you notice that after every time you got on this (points to self) you end up with a boyfriend?
Girl: What? Oh man, you're right! It's like you have a magic pee-pee!
Guy: Yeah.

–Penn Station

Posted on February 17, 2009
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Compliments, Friends, Girls, Guys, Magic, Penn Station, Relationships

You Should See Me Heal the Lepers

Train engineer #1, after train comes to a halt: Uh, I think we might have a problem.
Train engineer #2: Aw, not again…
Train engineer #1: Wait…hold on. Oh, there we go.
(train starts running again)
Train engineer #2: Ah! Such magical fingers you have…

–Metro-North Train

Overheard by: Eve

Posted on December 13, 2008
Body Parts, Coworkers, Magic, Public Transportation, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

Stand Clear Of the Closing Gryffindors, Please.

Conductor: Hello, and welcome to the Hogwarts Express. This is platform 9 3/4, and we will be leaving shortly for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Preteen holding Harry Potter book, to suit holding Harry Potter book: Oh my god! I knew they would come for me!
Suit holding Harry Potter book, to himself: I did too.

–C Train

Posted on December 11, 2008
Books & Writing, Conductors, Directions, Magic, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Suits, Travel, Tweens

Little People–Big Wednesday One-Liners

Greasy guy on cell: Yeah, there was this whole big to-do. They had all these little midgets running around–it was a whole Willy Wonka thing going on.

–42nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Aren't They Called Little People?

Midget on mobile: Man, you don't know how tough it is, these little women are tough, they know what they want… Yeah, yeah… The are like tigers, they'll eat you up!

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: JT

Flyer guy: Comedy show, folks–we got midgets!

–Herald Square

Overheard by: BeccaGo

Guy: High-five if you like midgets and drugs!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: Shannon

Suit on cell: Yeah, yeah, we're gonna do it big for my birthday. No I'm thinking more like midget strippers…eh, I haven't decided what I want it to be. (pause) Oh yeah, sorry, not "it," "him" or "her." No, I think dwarfs have magical powers, that's the deal. Not racist, dwarfist maybe.

–Chinatown Bus

Overheard by: Evan

Drunk guy with group of friends: I'm sorry I hit you, I thought I was Irish and you were four feet tall.

–41st & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Glad I'm not short

Posted on November 12, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Apologies, Birthdays, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drugs, Drunks, Flyer people, Friends, Grand Central, Guys, Handicaps, Kick, Little People (Midgets, Dwarfs), Magic, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, On Cell, On the Bus, Physical appearance, Race, Strippers, Suits, Theater & Dance, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Apparently, Someone Has

Blonde hot guy: I hate Mary Poppins.
Girlfriend: Yeah, me too.
Blonde hot guy: Those people dancing around with broomsticks–they weren't even witches. Yeah, fuck them.

–N Train

Overheard by: Leonidas