Yo Momma So Wednesday, She One-Liners!

Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my mother to thank her. (pause) No, I said, "Mom, I'm calling on behalf of me and the girls to thank you very much." (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck herself then.

–90th & Amsterdam Ave

Man on cell: You know a guy really likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom…and you know what, Sheila? You ain't never gonna meet my mom.

–South Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: smfd

Female college student to friend: We really need to cougarize your mom.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Oh really

Guy: So, hey, my mom didn't die today.

–W 26th & 8th

Overheard by: Katie_AK

Girl sneaking into open conductor's room in front of the train: Next stop, your mother's asshole! Stand clear of the closing cheeks!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Adriana

Handbag seller on street corner: Yo! Tell yo mama I got her bag right here!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Taryn

Girl on cell: Yeah, I'm bussin' it for now, my mom's on this thing that I have to show her responsibility… I know, it's like I get up in the morning, I haven't gotten arrested in a while, and I have a job, what more do you want from me?

–Seguine Ave & Waterbury, Staten Island

Posted on December 7, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia University, Comebacks, Crime and Punishment, Death, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Love, Men, MILF, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Prison, Public Transportation, Questions, Staten Island, Students, Thievery, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Just When You Thought You'd Experienced All the Ways to Be Rejected by a Woman

Indian-looking woman in sari: Achoo! (sneezes)
Man: Bless you.
Indian-looking woman in sari: Oh, no. Thank you.

–Busy Laundromat, Astoria

Posted on December 5, 2014
Astoria, Comebacks, Desi, God, Health and Hygiene, Men

Most People Can't See Me, Y'know

Awkward middle-aged man: Hi.
College student: Uh, hi.
Awkward middle-aged man: Sorry I keep staring at you. It's just that you remind me of a mythical creature. Or maybe it's a Muppet.
College student: Oh. Let me guess…Snuffleupagus?
Awkward middle-aged man: Yes, that's it!

–6 Train

Posted on December 4, 2014
Animals & Nature, Apologies, Men, On the Subway, Students, TV

No Wednesday One-Liner, No Love

50-something beefy man in wife beater on cell: Yo! I've got a bag of condoms and Jolly Ranchers!

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Funky Monkey

Preppy girl to friend on phone: I mean… I've had to take Plan B twice this week already!

–2nd Ave & 9th

Drunken street vendor: Buy these Obama condoms! Flavored with hope, they'll get you through "hard" times!

–Times Square

Woman on cell: I got home to take a shower and he stuffs a bunch of condoms in his pocket right in front of me and then walks out the door. I mean what the hell is that?

–Astor Place

Man to woman on escalator: Well, just next time, remember to use protection!

–Babies"R"Us, Union Square

Overheard by: miziz

Posted on December 3, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cleanliness, Condoms, Drunks, Erections, Food, Friends, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Preppies, President, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, The Village, Time, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

If It's a Pick-Up Artist, You're in Luck!

Tall guy in crowded silent elevator: Everyone going to the Robert Mann gallery? (after no response, to attractive woman next to him) So, where are you from?
Woman: Rwanda.
Man: Oh, I don't actually know anyone from Rwanda, but I've spoken to some people from there.
Woman, politely: Oh. Where are you from?
Man, ignoring question: So, do you have family back there?
Woman: No, they were all killed in the genocide.
Man: I'm terribly sorry about that. So, what have you come to see?

–Art Building, 11th Ave & 24th St

Overheard by: andrew a

Posted on December 3, 2014
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Foreigners, Guys, History & Geography, Men, Murder, Questions, Stupidity, Women

Still Another Difference Between Men and Women

Man: I need a job.
Woman: I need a lot of things. I need a boyfriend, I need more money, I need a tan, and I need to lose 30 pounds
Man: Yeah… I just need a job.

–57th & Madison

Posted on December 1, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Gripes, Jobs & Careers, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Wishes & desires, Women

Okay, So It May Have Been a Lawyer.

Woman #1: Kate and I saw a snake walking down State Street yesterday!
Man: What?
Woman #2: Wait… walking?

–Central Park

Overheard by: A snake? Really?

Posted on November 30, 2014
Animals & Nature, Central Park, Men, Parks, Stupidity, Weirdness, Women, Words

To Make Quotas, Mark Sold Himself Aggressively

Man in line for next available salesperson at Old Navy: Who wants a piece of this?
Next available salesperson: Next in line?
Man: That's what I'm talking about!

–Old Navy, 6th Ave

Posted on November 29, 2014
Men, Questions, Store, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness

Can Hoboes Really Afford Sarcasm?

Tattooed man in headphones: Hey man, you got a cigarette?
Hobo: Always.
Tattooed man in headphones: Really?
Hobo: Of course not. Look at me, I'm eating out of a trash can.

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Greg

Posted on November 28, 2014
Food, Hobos, Homeless, Men, Offers and requests, Smoking, Strangers, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners, the Forbidden Dance

Tween girl: I mean, she changed her MySpace name to "freaky dancer," I mean, she needs to take that shit off. Seriously, take it off, because I'm the freaky dancer, no one else is the freaky dancer but me.

–Uptown 6 Train

Man: There will be no more dancing tonight. I broke the pole.

–Times Square

Jumpy drunk guy: I have two options. Dance or fall asleep!

–Blackbird Parlour, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ak

Guy: I'm really into Nijinsky…no homo.

–F Train

Weary looking woman on cell: Six and a half hours of burlesque. I didn't think there was such a thing as too much burlesque…but I thought wrong.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McNasty

College girl: And then I would say: "But do you object? Do you object to my vagina dance?"