Pipelayer #1: I need four more inches.
Pipelayer #2: If I had four more inches, I’d be makin’ movies.
–Bergen Street station
Pipelayer #1: I need four more inches.
Pipelayer #2: If I had four more inches, I’d be makin’ movies.
–Bergen Street station
Kid to another: Stephen king is the best autha, yo. But Danielle Steele is the best girl autha, yo.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Joel
Teen to friend: Santa's a well-read dude, but they won't let him pee.
–5th Ave Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Dude Santa
Ghetto chick: Yeah, maybe mama will actually buy a book…one day.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Guy trying to push "free literature": This book is really important. It was the book that Gandhi followed. Do you know who Gandhi is? He's like the Indian Martin Luther King.
–L Train
Man reading Richard Scarry's What Do People Do All Day?: What? Poets do not write poetry all day! They work shitty jobs in design firms and sell things to assholes from San Diego! (turns page) And writers don't write all day! They pick up laundry for Park Slope bitches!
–Children's Section, Barnes & Noble, Court Street
Overheard by: Amused Bookseller
Man: Bitch, why you gotta make things so complicated?
Woman: I’m always complicated. You oughta be used to it by now.
Man: Yeah, that’s true.
–14th St crosswalk
Overheard by: Leslie
Jamaican lady: You fucker! I sell drugs for the Police. They call them dealers because they make deals. I made a deal. Do you pay me? Am I your employee? Fuck you, brush your teeth!
–F train
Overheard by: z0mb13
Guy on cell: I’m off today. I ran over one of the kids with the bus.
–72nd & 1st
Overheard by: Todd Horan
Trader: I’m almost wishing to come back in my next life as the Jewish wife of a Jewish husband.
–Madison Avenue office
Man on cell: She’s got a summer job editing Harlequin romance novels. Yeah, which goes so well with…you know…her divinity degree.
–118th & Broadway
Security guard: One of my feet has five fingers less than the other one, but I don’t claim disability. I work three jobs: model, actor and security guard, I’m not stopping until I make fifty-two million.
–F train
Overheard by: Nico Westerdale
Store chick: I’m just sampling the food so I can explain to customers why it’s so expensive.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: jexe
Man #1: That's tough…
Man #2: Yeah. It's like asking your girl to lick your balls. There's no nice way to do that.
–Steinway St
Overheard by: Jake Blaxwell
Woman, seconds after stadium chanted each Yankee name: Who's that playing third base?
Man: What? Were you not paying attention during roll call?
–Yankee Stadium
Thug to friend: That bitch looked up at me and said, "Damn, your dick tastes like coffee."
–86th St & Lexington
Overheard by: TINA
Female suit to other: Duane Reade is like the Starbucks of drugstores!
–Duane Reade
Old lady with shopping cart, exiting voting booth: Where's my Starbucks coupon?
–PS163, Bath Beach, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Torgo61
Guy on cell: Hey, bro! I'm having coffee and a bagel. (pause) No, an animal did not have to die for me to have this coffee!
–Arthur Avenue
Overheard by: eternal student
Man with heavy Indian accent holding a cup of Starbucks coffee: No, the most expensive coffee in the world is coffee beans eaten and then pooped out by a cat. It's $120 a cup.
–Elevator, 7th Ave & 31st St
Middle aged theater-goer to teenage boy dressed as renaissance page: Are you a part of the performance?
Page boy: Nay, nay. Far from it.
Middle aged theater-goer: What?
Page boy: Nay, nay. Far from it.
Middle aged theater-goer: Then why are you dressed like that?
Page boy: I'm just an eccentric patron.
Middle aged theater-goer: Oh.
Page boy: Someone has to play the part of eccentric patron.
Middle aged theater-goer: Well, good for you. High-five me, if that's not too far out of your century.
–Schubret Theater
Environmentalist giving out fliers: Excuse me sir, do you care about helping our environment?
Man: Oh no thank you, I’m a Republican.
–14th & 5th
Overheard by: Dave
Scruffy man to another, walking by where a food cart usually is: Hey, that food cart ain't there?
Other man: You eat there! That's supporting terrorists!
Scruffy man: So! That shit's cheap!
–Post Office, 33rd St
