NYU

Bro-looking college kid #1: Dude, chill with that heteronormative shit.
Bro-looking college kid #2: Bro, are you shitting me? You're such a fag.

–NYU

Queer #1: Somebody should give him some gum. His breath smells really bad.
Queer #2: I know! I see why everybody calls him “shit-breath”.
Girl: You guys, he’s already chewing gum.
Queer #1: Ewwww.

–NYU Classroom

Overheard by: Paul

Girl to friend in a mini skirt with her legs open: Katie, close your legs!
Lethargic friend: I don’t care. I am wearing two pairs of tights and granny panties.

–Silver Center, NYU

Overheard by: AJ

Yuppie: I don’t google enough.

–F Train, 7th Ave

Overheard by: imaginexrach

Girl on cell: Not being on Facebook is ruining my life!

–NYU Bus

Overheard by: Asian Kid

Assistant on phone, about her 17-year-old daughter’s MySpace page: I find it interesting that she and her friend Shannon have the same friend listed. Some 32-year-old guy in California named Tom!

–Office on 42nd & Madison

Overheard by: herspace

Man: I’m going to go home and e-mail some shameless bitches.

–8th St & Broadway

Grad student at computer, dolefully: Without right-click I just don’t know what to do with the world.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy: Did you hear that Sam broke up with Angie?
Girl: Good for him! [Guy stares at her in disbelief.] Uh… I mean… Oh, poor Angie!

–NYU dining hall

Four-year-old girl to nanny: No, princesses don't get tickled. They just dance and get married.

–North Williamsburg

Overheard by: anti-feminist

White girl in hoodie: If I see any of the other girls there want to dance with you they'd better watch out, 'cause it's stab-a-slut Sunday.

–J Train

Short guy with greasy hair: Yo, this girl was like, "wanna dance?" and I was like "okay," so she started dancing mad good. She was grinding up against me with her ass.

–3rd Ave & 71st, Brooklyn

Gay guy on cell in long line during Circuit City closeout: Does it have speakers? Because I like to dance in my room, and I like to feel the music. It's really cold, so I like to dance in my room, you know?

–Circuit City, Union Square

Drunk girl to Guido she knocked heads with while dancing: I'm a drinker, not a dancer!

–Hook & Ladder Pub, Murray Hill

Overheard by: also a drinker

Professor: I'm of the personal opinion that anything counts for art. Take, for example, Nelly's "Hot in Here." We have an admonition of certain weather conditions and an entreaty for certain members of a demographic to react within a certain way, and a compliant voice replies, "I am getting so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off." This piece of art demonstrates how much easier life would be if getting a woman naked was that easy. And also, it makes me dance, and as we know, hips don't lie.

–NYU Bobst Library

Overheard by: queenofscots

Secretary: What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
Nurse: My husband and I are going to North Carolina to visit his family. Why? What are you doing? Do you want to come with us?
Secretary: No. I can't. I don't have a passport.
Nurse: Uh.

–NYU Cancer Center

Overheard by: Destiny Traphofner

Guy: They’re George Strait jeans.
Girl: I love George Strait. He’s a hottie.
Guy: He only gives his name to the best.
Girl: Didn’t he give his name to that tractor place?
Guy: It must have been the best tractor.

–NYU Law commons area, W. 3rd St.

Overheard by: Micah Prude

Professor: All the students in the classroom are all the same — no one moves out of their little box.
Blonde: Everyone is the same unless they are different, except that they are the same.

–Modern Lit. Class, NYU

Overheard by: Brenda

Art teacher: Now you are true students of FIT! Nobody listens to directions!

–FIT

Suit on cell: I don’t know if going through water is resistance or friction, do you? God! I am so tired of doing the kid’s homework!

–46th between 7th & 8th

Female student: I think I’m gonna learn a lot. They were saying things that went, like, right over my head.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

NYU girl on cell: No, I’m not going to waste the credits. I’m just going to fail the class on purpose.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: Kristin

Drunk chick: I’m majoring in the doggy-style orgasm.

–Slainte, 1st & Bowery

Overheard by: Genevieve

Professor to class: Most of you are familiar with the breasts of members of the opposite sex who are close to your own age.

–Columbia University Medical Center

Professor: I have no idea what you’re saying, but I know you’re wrong.

–Vanderbilt Hall, NYU

Overheard by: The King Adrock