Boss calling out from office: Eric*, what’s your city of birth?
Employee #1: Oh, I don’t know. I put down a variety of places.
Employee #2: You don’t know your city of birth?
Employee #1: Well, it’s either the town or the city it’s near… The place… It’s like an umbrella.
Employee #2: Oh.
–Hedge fund office, 57th & 5th
Overheard by: the silent temp
Fashionista #1: I lost my virginity on a cruise.
Fashionista #2: Have you ever been on a cruise?
Fashionista #1: By “cruise” I mean “Russia”.
–Midtown office
Suit: Did they tip their 45s to their homies?
–Park Avenue
Overheard by: SuperVixen
Suit on phone: 500 milligrams? That's nothing. First, you need to start looking at the definition of possession…
–Broadway & Reade
Suit to little son: I need to teach you the difference between "homos" and "hobos." You'll understand easily, (giggles) …not much of a difference.
–Doctor's Office, Carrol Gardens
Suit on phone, snickering: Your posts are turd sandwiches!
–4th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: ris
Suit on cell: I say go for it. You're rich, she's hungry. What could be more perfect?
–47th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Adrienne
Female employee #1: You need to go to church.
Female employee #2: Hell no, I can’t go to church anymore [laughs mischievously].
Female employee #1: You don’t go to church?
Female employee #2: Uh-uh.
Female employee #1: Whatever! Yo, at my church, like, gangs and shit be comin’ on Sundays. The Crips are all on one side and the Bloods all on the other. It’s crazy. They be wearin’ their colors and shit, too.
–Century 21
Guy: I don't think bees even have vaginas.
–23rd & 3rd
Suit to another: I want him scrutinized. At a gnat's ass level!
–Midtown Office
Middle school thug: I been radioactivatin' spiders in my kitchen.
–C Train
Overheard by: Emily B.
Mother to five-year-old boy: No, you can't buy grandma a plastic spider for Christmas!
–74th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane's Husband
Guy on cell: Hey, did I tell you I got drunk last night and ordered 1,500 ladybugs off the internet?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ashley
Jamaican lady: You fucker! I sell drugs for the Police. They call them dealers because they make deals. I made a deal. Do you pay me? Am I your employee? Fuck you, brush your teeth!
–F train
Overheard by: z0mb13
Guy on cell: I’m off today. I ran over one of the kids with the bus.
–72nd & 1st
Overheard by: Todd Horan
Trader: I’m almost wishing to come back in my next life as the Jewish wife of a Jewish husband.
–Madison Avenue office
Man on cell: She’s got a summer job editing Harlequin romance novels. Yeah, which goes so well with…you know…her divinity degree.
–118th & Broadway
Security guard: One of my feet has five fingers less than the other one, but I don’t claim disability. I work three jobs: model, actor and security guard, I’m not stopping until I make fifty-two million.
–F train
Overheard by: Nico Westerdale
Store chick: I’m just sampling the food so I can explain to customers why it’s so expensive.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: jexe
A boss approaches his employee, holding up two pieces of lead for a retractable pencil.
Boss: I don’t ask you to do much, but can you tell me which one of these is bigger?
–UES
Overheard by: Mindi Laine
Business executive: We can use that grassroots, online community-building and marketing to create lots of support for the product, just like…. the scream guy did.
Low-level employee: Uh, you mean Howard Dean?
Business executive: Yes, just like Howard Dean did!
— An office in Midtown
Employee: I bring my beer in the shower with me and I put it on the ledge so it doesn’t get wet. Sometimes I also have a couple of shots in the kitchen.
–Office, Midtown
Overheard by: Jenny Rogers
Businesschick: Are you still with that girl?
Businessguy: No. She kept trying to get me to go to AA. One night out with me and you’ll see..!
Businesschick: Oh, I’ve seen the aftermath. The stitches, the blood.
–Midtown Office
