Student #1: Have you seen that movie Clockwork Orange?
Student #2: I’ve never heard of that. What’s it about?
Student #1: It’s about rape. And death. And like everything bad in the world. But like, really cool.
–Uptown A train
Overheard by: Vinny Lopez
Black kid, pointing to a Hasidic Jewish man: Yo, check out the Amish dude!
Mother: He ain’t Amish, they wear straw hats.
Black kid: But he’s got a beard. Amish guys got beards. So he’s Amish.
–Uptown 4 train
Overheard by: jewish girl
Teen girl #1: What are going to be for Halloween again? A snake or somethin’?
Teen girl #2: I don’t know. All I know is, it’s gonna be tons of mad tight leather and vinyl.
Teen girl #1: Oh, yeah.
–Q train, Union Square
NYU chick : Wait, he’s 28!
Friend : Yeah, I know. And he’s Asian
–Uptown 6 train
Conductor: Next stop, 110th. This one goes to Van Cortlandt.
Tourette’s man: I know, you fuck! Stop yelling at me!
–1 train
Girl #1: Somebody in a limo yelled something obscene at me today, but I couldn’t hear them because I had my iPod on.
Girl #2: Yeah, you should always have your iPod on so you can’t hear the terrible things people shout at you.
Girl #1: But then I wouldn’t have any material for my memoirs!
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overheard by: Monia Paford
Hispanic thug #1: You have to hit a kid to teach him respect.
Hispanic thug #2: That doesn’t work
Hispanic thug #1: Sure it does, remember when I stole that stuff when I was younger and dad hit me? That taught me the respect that I needed not to steal
Hispanic thug #2: You still steal.
Hispanic thug #1: Yeah, but not from my family.
–Downtown 4
Chick: We missed our stop.
Guy: You slept right through it.
Chick: Why didn’t you wake me up?
Guy: I tried, you wouldn’t wake up. You just showed me your pussy.
Chick: That sounds like me.
–N train
Overheard by: shewuzshaved
Conductor: There are seats towards the back of the train.
Keep walking! Sometime today, people. What did you stop for? Keeeep walking!
–Train to Grand Central
Overheard by: Muffin
Conductor: Where’s the other guy? Raj, if you can hear me, you can come pick up your My Little Pony from the booth.
–LIRR, Hempstead station
Subway station announcement: Because of an earlier incident, all trains are now running.
–Union Square Station
Overheard by: E Moran
Conductor: This is 36th Street. Step to the side and let all the monkeys off the train. Let the monkeys off the train.
–Queens bound N train
Conductor: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is an extremely crowded F train. Next stop is Jay Street, and by this time it’s official, every person in New York is on this train. Please stand clear of the closing doors, if you can.
–Coney Island bound F train
Overheard by: F Train Sloper
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is 59th Street. And if you haven’t voted and are thinking of voting for Bush, please see the movie Fahrenheit 9/11. Thank you. Stand clear of the closing doors.
–4 Train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Jonny
Conductor: You have yourself a satisfying Thursday.
–F train
Big white dyke: You know what we should do? We should call Hugh and all our slutty friends. They could all come over and get drunk, and we’d put on some rap.
Big black dyke: What?
Big white dyke: No, seriously, I was at my friends’ party and we put on a Biggie Smalls album. Fifteen minutes later it was the sleaziest party I’ve ever been to.
–Brooklyn bound Q
Overheard by: Benjamin
