Guy #1: I can’t tell if I’m smelling your armpit or my fart.
Guy #2: Doesn’t matter. You couldn’t move away from it either way.
–Crowded 1 train
Overheard by: goo goo doll
Guy #1: I can’t tell if I’m smelling your armpit or my fart.
Guy #2: Doesn’t matter. You couldn’t move away from it either way.
–Crowded 1 train
Overheard by: goo goo doll
Dumb girl #1: If my ex wasn't an idiot I would call him.
Dumb girl #2: Why is he an idiot?
Dumb girl #1: Because he hooked up with one of my friends.
Dumb girl #2: That sucks.
Dumb girl #1: Yeah, she likes to get with friends' men.
Dumb girl #2: Wow! She's a bitch.
Dumb girl #1: Yeah… but so, should I call him?
–L Train
Girl #1: It’s weird you’re never horny.
Girl #2: I just feel like sex is like bowling. I mean, I enjoy bowling but I’m never like, “God, I haven’t bowled in so long” or “It’s Friday night. I have got to go bowling.” You know?
Girl #1: Maybe you haven’t found the right bowling partner.
Girl #2: Bowling is something that really isn’t improved by doing it with someone else. I’ve enjoyed bowling but I could go the rest of my life without doing it again. I mean, I know I’ll have sex again, but I could give a rat’s ass. Have you ever heard anyone say “I need to bowl real bad“?
–L train
Overheard by: Ray
Drunk chick #1, as train approaches: Oh, no, here it comes! Quick, put on your sober face! [Drunk chick #2 stands up straight, takes a deep breath, and vomits all over the platform.] It’s okay, you look fine. Just don’t fall asleep on the train again.
–1 train
Old white man: I didn’t know they had cockfights in Korea.
Young Asian guy: Yep, sure do.
–1 train
A thugged out girl tests all of her ring tones as loud as possible for a solid minute.
Preppy girl: Are you serious with that? Can you do everyone a favor and stop?
Thug girl: I know you’re not talking to me. You messed with the wrong girl.
Preppy girl: I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Your screaming phone made me deaf.
Thug girl: I’ll f her up. But then she’ll call the cops; her people love the cops. Go back to where you came from!
Preppy girl: I’m trying to. That’s why I’m on the train, you stupid bitch. Look, you got a new cell phone and that’s great, but figure it out at home.
Thug girl: I’ll f you up. You’re f-ing with the wrong girl. Don’t be fooled by the pretty face.
Preppy girl: Pretty face? Where?
–N train
Overheard by: Matty M.
Businessguy #1 If I were gay I would change my name to Paul.
Businessguy #2: Why Paul? I would go with something more Latin.
–A train
Overheard by: Cory Agid
Awkward French Casanova: Excuse me?
Chick in huge sunglasses: What?
Awkward French Casanova: Your necklace — it is a bat?
Chick in huge sunglasses: Yeah.
Awkward French Casanova: You like bats?
Chick in huge sunglasses: Yeah.
Awkward French Casanova: And your sunglasses — are they heavy?
Chick in huge sunglasses: Nope.
Awkward French Casanova: Ah. And I see you–
Chick’s friend, interrupting: –Will you shut the fuck up?!
–1 train
Overheard by: freedom fries?
Red haired woman: Damn it, Michael forgot to pack my lunch again. I am so pissed at him! Arrrrgh!
Big boobed woman: Shhh…shhh… Just get lunch at the store.
Red haired woman: Do they got ribs at the store? Do they got ribs at the store, Portia?
Big boobed woman: You could ask. They have pork.
–A Train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Black man: “And he kept on beating up niggers until he was 37!”
— On the Subway
