Catch-of-the-Day Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on bench to friend: What did you do? You can't just eat a fish!

–Central Park North

Chick on cell: Were we attacking each other with goldfish last night?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman to friend: And on top of that, I hear she smokes like a fish!

–Columbus & 67th

Overheard by: abcnews

Girl on cell: I don't have snakeskin shoes, but I have these fish shoes I really love. Yeah, they're made out of fish scales. They're awesome.

–Penn Station

Middle-aged African American woman: I went to eat in the Bronx and she gave me naked fish.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: the guy behind the guy

Posted on December 15, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, NYC Geography, On Cell, Penn Station, Questions, Shoes, Smoking, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Could Be Prime Real Estate

Male hipster: I was all excited for Central Park, you know, and then I remembered: I've seen trees before.

–Central Park

Tourist, looking at souvenir photos of Central Park: You never realize how… central it is.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Xanthias

Tourist, looking down at map: Wait a second, guys, I can't find Central Park.

–Penn Station

Overdressed, overly made-up girl: The thing I don't like about Central Park is that it's too much like a forest.

–Central Park

Posted on December 11, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gripes, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, One-liners, Parks, Penn Station, Pictures, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Trees and plants, Wednesday One-Liners

I Always Figured the Junior Senator’s Office

Guy #1: See that, that’s the New Jersey Transit.
Guy #2: Good God, that’s where they get in?
Guy #3: And everyone thought Sunnydale is where the Hellmouth is.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Joseph

Posted on December 6, 2014
B & T, Ew, Jersey, Hell, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Trains Not Subway

The Anti-Semitic Ones Are Just Offensive

Mom: Well, I’m going to church tomorrow.
Daughter: Say hi to Jesus for me. Grandma, you’re not going?
Grandma: I stopped going when the priest stopped telling dirty jokes.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: djlindee

Posted on December 1, 2014
Jesus, Kids, Old People, Parents, Penn Station, Religion

They Really Need to Do a Survivor: New York City

Announcer: Attention all passengers! The a train will be running on the local platform. It will not be running on the express platform. If you are on the middle platform, you are on the wrong platform. Excuse me, if you are wearing a checkered dress, you are on the wrong platform. If you are wearing a checkered dress and pushing a baby carriage, you are on the wrong platform. Hello! I'm talking to you! The a train will be running on the local platform!
Random guy: Yo, this bitch is dumb! Get off the platform, dumb bitch!
(checkered dress lady continues to stare down tunnel)

–A Train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Kosi

Posted on November 30, 2014
Babies, Clerks, Clothing, Insults, On the Subway, Passengers, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Train Station

Wednesday One-Liners, the Forbidden Dance

Tween girl: I mean, she changed her MySpace name to "freaky dancer," I mean, she needs to take that shit off. Seriously, take it off, because I'm the freaky dancer, no one else is the freaky dancer but me.

–Uptown 6 Train

Man: There will be no more dancing tonight. I broke the pole.

–Times Square

Jumpy drunk guy: I have two options. Dance or fall asleep!

–Blackbird Parlour, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ak

Guy: I'm really into Nijinsky…no homo.

–F Train

Weary looking woman on cell: Six and a half hours of burlesque. I didn't think there was such a thing as too much burlesque…but I thought wrong.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McNasty

College girl: And then I would say: "But do you object? Do you object to my vagina dance?"

–Union Square

Posted on November 28, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dancing, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Men, Myspace, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Questions, Students, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

How’re Judy and the Kids?

Crazy woman lights a cigarette on the train.

MTA worker: You cannot do that. There is no smoking on this train. If you do it again I will call the cops, and it’s a 70-dollar fine.
Crazy woman: You look nice. It’s nice to see you again.

–LIRR, Penn Station

Overheard by: someone who does not smoke

Posted on November 27, 2014
Cops, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Smokers & Smoking

More Men Should Write Etiquette Books

Little boy in bathroom: Oooh… Dad, I love you.
Dad outside stall: I love you, too, buddy, but you don’t have to tell me that when you are on the crapper.

–Bathroom, Penn Station

Posted on November 26, 2014
Dads, Penn Station, Poop

We All Came on Our Birthdays

Black chick #1: You know what’s the funniest birthday card I ever read?
Black chick #2: What?
Black chick #1: “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, happy birthday to you, I hope you bust a nut.”
Black chick #2: Yeah, on your birthday you gotta cum.

–Duane Reade, Penn Station

Overheard by: Turby

Posted on November 24, 2014
Getting Off, Ghetto Chicks, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Penn Station, Retail Therapy, Sex, Sex & Relationships

NYC Rule #2: When Cornered, Employ Irrational Insults

Female umbrella buyer: Why you callin' me “ma'am”?
Male umbrella seller: “Ma'am” means “a female.” You're a female, right?
Female umbrella buyer: You're a female too!

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: Morgan

Posted on November 23, 2014
Customers, Gender issues, Nicknames & name calling, Penn Station, Sexuality, Vendors & Street Performers