Teen chick: Man, I take the quickest shits ever. Sometimes I wish I could stay on the bowl for hours, you know? Really enjoy my shit.
Friend: You’re fucked.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Lindsey
Teen chick: Man, I take the quickest shits ever. Sometimes I wish I could stay on the bowl for hours, you know? Really enjoy my shit.
Friend: You’re fucked.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Lindsey
Guy on bench to friend: What did you do? You can't just eat a fish!
–Central Park North
Chick on cell: Were we attacking each other with goldfish last night?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Woman to friend: And on top of that, I hear she smokes like a fish!
–Columbus & 67th
Overheard by: abcnews
Girl on cell: I don't have snakeskin shoes, but I have these fish shoes I really love. Yeah, they're made out of fish scales. They're awesome.
–Penn Station
Middle-aged African American woman: I went to eat in the Bronx and she gave me naked fish.
–Grand Central Terminal
Overheard by: the guy behind the guy
Male hipster: I was all excited for Central Park, you know, and then I remembered: I've seen trees before.
–Central Park
Tourist, looking at souvenir photos of Central Park: You never realize how… central it is.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Xanthias
Tourist, looking down at map: Wait a second, guys, I can't find Central Park.
–Penn Station
Overdressed, overly made-up girl: The thing I don't like about Central Park is that it's too much like a forest.
–Central Park
Guy #1: See that, that’s the New Jersey Transit.
Guy #2: Good God, that’s where they get in?
Guy #3: And everyone thought Sunnydale is where the Hellmouth is.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Joseph
Mom: Well, I’m going to church tomorrow.
Daughter: Say hi to Jesus for me. Grandma, you’re not going?
Grandma: I stopped going when the priest stopped telling dirty jokes.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: djlindee
Announcer: Attention all passengers! The a train will be running on the local platform. It will not be running on the express platform. If you are on the middle platform, you are on the wrong platform. Excuse me, if you are wearing a checkered dress, you are on the wrong platform. If you are wearing a checkered dress and pushing a baby carriage, you are on the wrong platform. Hello! I'm talking to you! The a train will be running on the local platform!
Random guy: Yo, this bitch is dumb! Get off the platform, dumb bitch!
(checkered dress lady continues to stare down tunnel)
–A Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Kosi
Tween girl: I mean, she changed her MySpace name to "freaky dancer," I mean, she needs to take that shit off. Seriously, take it off, because I'm the freaky dancer, no one else is the freaky dancer but me.
–Uptown 6 Train
Man: There will be no more dancing tonight. I broke the pole.
–Times Square
Jumpy drunk guy: I have two options. Dance or fall asleep!
–Blackbird Parlour, Brooklyn
Overheard by: ak
Guy: I'm really into Nijinsky…no homo.
–F Train
Weary looking woman on cell: Six and a half hours of burlesque. I didn't think there was such a thing as too much burlesque…but I thought wrong.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McNasty
College girl: And then I would say: "But do you object? Do you object to my vagina dance?"
–Union Square
Crazy woman lights a cigarette on the train.
MTA worker: You cannot do that. There is no smoking on this train. If you do it again I will call the cops, and it’s a 70-dollar fine.
Crazy woman: You look nice. It’s nice to see you again.
–LIRR, Penn Station
Overheard by: someone who does not smoke
Little boy in bathroom: Oooh… Dad, I love you.
Dad outside stall: I love you, too, buddy, but you don’t have to tell me that when you are on the crapper.
–Bathroom, Penn Station
Black chick #1: You know what’s the funniest birthday card I ever read?
Black chick #2: What?
Black chick #1: “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, happy birthday to you, I hope you bust a nut.”
Black chick #2: Yeah, on your birthday you gotta cum.
–Duane Reade, Penn Station
Overheard by: Turby
