Man: It was nice to meet you. Now will you shake my hand?
Little boy: No.
Man: Why not?
Little boy: Because she gave you her number, but she already has a boyfriend! I don’t like that.
Woman: Shut up. That’s not true.
Little boy: If it isn’t, then why did it say “Jason and Trish, together forever” on your phone, when I turned it on right now?
Woman: Together forever, my ass; now shut up!
–Q37 bus, Liberty Ave
Drunk hobo: You are so fucking beautiful. I am in love with you. Please let me give you a hug.
Girl #1: Please, no.
Drunk hobo: Why all you white girls hate on black people? We not all that bad.
Girl #2: It’s not because you’re black. It’s because you’re covered with open sores and blisters.
–Manhattan bound L train
Overheard by: Far
Ghetto guy: Yo, can I getcha number?
Girl: Umm, no, this is my boyfriend.
Girl leans in to kiss gay friend.
Ghetto guy: Oh, ok, sorry. I didn’t know.
Gay friend: Girl, if I wasn’t gay before, I sure as hell am now!
–1 train
Male pick-up artist: Are you from France?
Girl: No. I’m from Long Island!
–uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Giuseppe
Unitarian teen: Yeah, we’re here for a poverty conference.
Flamboyant MAC salesman: Wow! You guys are so cool! Are there any boys there?
Unitarian teen: Well, really just Keegan.
Flamboyant MAC salesman: Oh my god! Are you a boy? Oh my god, I’m so tripped out! I thought you were some hippy dippy chick or something!
–MAC, Soho
Overheard by: girl in MAC
Chick #1 It’s not like I told him I wasn’t wearing underwear. He asked me. I was so offended!
Chick #2: But you don’t wear underwear, and you were wearing a see-through top.
Chick #1: OK, that’s totally not the point.
–1 train uptown platform, 28th St
White guy: There are many Africans where I live. I like them, because they’re more spiritual.
Chinese girl: They’re closer to nature.
–Verb Cafe, Bedford & N 7th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Outmacked
Teen girl #1: I am so in the mood to get drunk tonight…
Teen girl #2: Yea! Tonight is such a good drunk night.
Teen girl #1: I can’t wait to be drunk!
Teen girl #2: I can’t wait to be stupid!
Teen boy: You guys say that every night. And have I gotten into either of your pants? No.
–Penn Station
Suit to other suit: They drive it through the city in milk trucks so that no one will know.
–6th between 55th & 56th
Overheard by: Ann M. Hetzel
Queer on cell: Sunday? Well, I hate to say this out loud on a cell phone where the authorities can hear, but. . . that’s Tonys night.
–Broadway & 33rd, Astoria
Overheard by: lily carver
Guy: I went to high school with you. I was a senior when you were a freshman. I used to look at your pantylines in gym class.
–Kevin St. James, 46th & 8th
Man: Is this where I can get a date? ‘Cuz I want mine Priority!
Woman at counter: Um….
Man: That’s okay. I’ll take door number two!
–Atlantic Ave. Post Office, Boerum Hill
