Girl: Where is gate 68?
Port authority official: Where are you going?
Girl: New York!
Port authority official, walking away: This is New York.
–Port Authority
Girl: Where is gate 68?
Port authority official: Where are you going?
Girl: New York!
Port authority official, walking away: This is New York.
–Port Authority
Ghetto lady to another: Her son is a lesbian!
–Port Authority Bus Station
Suit to friend: Did I ever tell you about the time I ran into a Dunkin Donuts Drive Thru window with a transvestite in my back seat?
–N Train
Overheard by: Tater
Cop: The trannies hate the DVDs. They just can't get along. They hate each other more than the Bloods and the Crips!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jon A.
Girl on cell: He just turned around and slipped into the skirt, and I just had to tell him! (pause) No, it didn't flatter his figure.
–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center
Crazy guy, pointing to girl sitting on fireplug: She's a man! That girl's a man! She's a man! Heh, heh…okay, stay there, I'll be right back. (pause) To punch you in the face!
–23rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
Guy on phone: First you wanted to be a car salesman, and now you want to be drag queen?
–31st b/w 9th &10th
Overheard by: roommate of guy on phone
Hipster dude: We're made for each other, you want to save Israel and the planet, and me too.
Hipster gal: I don't want to save the planet–I want to take it over!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Juantanamo Bay
Thug janitor #1, looking down at his fingernails: I get my shit manicured every week.
Thug janitor #2: Yeeeah, yeeeeah, yeeeeah!
–Bathroom, Port Authority
Overheard by: Astonished
Guy at party: I'm known for my creepy hugs.
–16th St & Union Square
Overheard by: Kitty
Hobo: Okay, you know the drill. I'm hungry, give me money so I can buy breakfast.
(nobody does) Alright, if you don't want to give any money, if you're reasonably attractive, hug a brotha! That works too.
–F Train
Panhandler: Any little bit helps, folks. Pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters. If you don't have any money this morning and you're, like, really attractive, you can just give me a big hug and rub up on me a little bit, and we'll call it even.
–F Train
Overheard by: kdice
Woman's voice on public announcement system: You want me to hug you?
–Port Authority
Ghetto Latina, seeing MTA worker hug crying bag lady: Shit, I'm from the Bronx, born and raised, and I ain't never seen no subway man be giving out free hugs. I seen shouting matches, I seen drug deals, I seen fist fights, but I ain't never seen no free hugs in a subway station. That's some fuckin dedication right there.
–59th St. Subway Station
Overheard by: slc boy
Subway panhandler: If you don't have any food, but you do happen to be, like, incredibly good looking, I do accept hugs. (middle aged man with L.L.Bean backpack smiles and holds his arms open invitingly) I'll have to give you a raincheck on that one, sir.
–F Train
Overheard by: linda
Man to tourist who has just pushed the “subway” button on elevator: That button doesn't work.
Tourist: Really?
Man: Yeah, you have to go to the main level and take an escalator.
Tourist: Oh. Then why is that button even there?
Man: To confuse tourists.
–Port Authority
Old man: You wanna be re-viriginized?
Old woman: No, I want to remain with Jesus.
Old man: So, you wanna have sex with Jesus?!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: liz kim
Bus driver: We should be arriving in Port Authority soon, hopefully at our schedule arrival time, but it all depends on the Lord of the tunnel.
–Port Authority Bus
Overheard by: Emily
M60 bus driver, under breath, to traffic ahead: Mush. Mush. Yeah, mule. Mush. Git along.
–106th & West End
Bus driver on PA: Madam, don't let your children swing on the hand bars…this is not a jail.
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: bonoboxoxo
Funny bus driver in soft-spoken jazz voice: This is Madison Avenue. If this is you, get out. I wish I was getting out. Does anyone know how to get out? Next is Park Avenue…or it's not. Is anyone listening? Thanks for the smile.
–M16 Crosstown Bus
Announcer on bus (waiting for someone to request a stop): Come on, my line's open. Someone dial my number. Come on, you know the number! (a passenger requests a stop) There we go! Thanks for calling! I knew you would!
–M16 Bus
Overheard by: alli
Driver: Attention all passengers on the left side of the bus, I believe that the reading lights on your side are broken. I apologize.
Lady on the left side: Oh god, now what do we do?
Driver (muttering): Son of a bitch…take a nap!
–Bus, Port Authority
Overheard by: Sitting on the right side laughing
Homeless guy, giving umbrella to random white girl: This is for you. In case it rains. This (holding up alcohol bottle) is for me. You know why? Because I'm an alcoholic.
–Penn Station
Man to friend, about the Bruce Springsteen concert that night: You know what? If it starts raining, I'm just going to take off my shirt and scream the whole time.
–Penn Station
Girl: We're on an island, it doesn't snow here.
–St. John's University, Staten Island
Overheard by: Ang
Vendor: Man, I know why we're having to pee so much! It's because it's colder and our bladders are shrinking.
–Flea Market, 82nd & Columbus
Overheard by: EthanK
Woman yelling to complete stranger: It's not raining anymore! It stopped raining! You're the only one with an umbrella!
–Port Authority
