Real Sunlight Isn’t Slippery Enough

Queer: So, I freaked out earlier this morning. I went to the bathroom to take a piss, whipped it out, and my dick was brown!
Fag hag, horrified: Did you not clean yourself good after anal?
Queer: No, no, I always do! But, like, I’m thinking I have an STD or something! My heart almost stopped!
Fag hag: So… Do you?
Queer: Well, no. Then I looked at my hand and it was brown, too. Then I remembered — last night I masturbated with my sister’s self tanner.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: trying to get the mental image out of my head

Posted on January 11, 2015
Colors, Fag Hags, Penis, Queer guys, Washington Square Park

He’s Gay on His Mother’s Side

High school girl #1: So he is definitely going to turn out gay.
High school girl #2: Come on. He is not going to be gay. You just think that because he is a nice, well-dressed boy.
High school girl #1: Um, exactly.
High school girl #2: Well, he is Asian! All the guys in Asia wear makeup!
High school girl #1: Stop talking. He’s only half-Asian. And gay.

–Broadway

Posted on January 11, 2015
Queer guys, Students, Teens

Breath Is Only One of My Weapons of Intimidation

Scary, stalker queer: Hello! You’re really cute.
Scared, stalked queer: I have to consult my lawyer, but I am pretty sure your breath constitutes me suing you for assault.

–Fire Island Pines

Overheard by: Bathroom Spy

Posted on January 8, 2015
Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Long Island, Queer guys

Wednesday One-Liners Can Still Lead a Normal Life

Pissed off gay guy on phone: What should you have said? Oh, I don’t know, maybe "Hi, I’m Michael, I have syphilis!"

–13th & Broadway

Guy: That’d be a great gig, but I don’t know if you want to be the face of venereal disease.

–Cafe Esperanto

Woman coming off train: Get away from me! You got AIDS on yo’ dick!

–R Train

Overheard by: going to the clinic

Chick: As long as it’s not AIDS it’s okay. I’m vaccinated against everything except AIDS.

–Columbia University

20-something male talking to friend: You know the way I see it: AIDS will kill you, herpes is just an inconvenience…

–34th between 2nd and 3rd

Overheard by: LadyEDdy

Columbia student, on her public health exam: I just didn’t know where to put the gonorrhea! It had to go somewhere, I just couldn’t figure out where!

–School of Public Heatlh, Columbia University

Loud guy: So he gave her a venereal disease. That’s not a reason to marry her!

–Blue Hill Restaurant

Posted on January 7, 2015
Advice, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Education, Friends, Girls, Guys, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On Cell, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, STDs, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Women

If You Touch a Little Boy Right, He Becomes Grown

Guy #1: I dont understand why they gotta touch little boys.
Guy #2: Hmmm.
Guy #1: You touch little boys?!
Guy #2: No honey, I just touch grown men.

–Wall Street

Overheard by: Dj Dharma

Posted on January 4, 2015
Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Kids, Queer guys, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

But You Can Leave Your Cute Little Dog Here

Tourist to no one in particular: Which way is the gay area?
Queer in black leather gear: You’re here.
Tourist: Where are the gay stores?
Queer in black leather gear: All around here.
Tourist: Where are the gay people?
Tourist friend: I think they go out more in the night time, right?
Queer in black leather gear: Go back to Kansas.

–16th & 8th

Overheard by: amalia

Posted on December 27, 2014
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Gays and Lesbians, Queer guys, Questions, Tourism, Tourists

Um, No

Gay: Where is she?
Girl: She said she was watching Paris Hilton's My New BFF.
Gay: Oh, was that on her twatter?
Girl: You mean Twitter?

–Student Center, NYU

Posted on December 27, 2014
Girls, Internet, NYU, Queer guys, Questions, TV, Vagina

Luckily That’s a Badge of Honor in the Gay Community

Gay guy #1: I’m not sure how big he was…?
Gay guy #2: All I know is that when a guy is that big, the next day I have such bad flatulence and diarrhea, it’s ridiculous…

–A Train

Overheard by: brainygirl

Posted on December 25, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Gays and Lesbians, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions

Are You Afraid of Wednesday One-Liners?

FDNY lieutenant to EMTs: Hey, get this! Some guy just called 911 because some guy looked scary!

–34th & 10th

Overheard by: guy in back of ambulance

Gay guy to another: I'm terrified of successful women!

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Moy

(guy with drums finishes a performance in the train)
Guy with drums: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. Help a brother out and donate some money if you enjoyed this performance. (lady in front of him looks scared)
Please donate and if you don't know what to do or are scared, smile and nod. Everything will be okay.

–E Train

Overheard by: Sleepy

Crazy bag lady to high school boy: I ain't scared of you. I'll beat you with a crowbar. Cuz I gotta crowbar in my pussy and it's way up there!

–B54 Bus

Suit on cell: And I was scared, right? Because her legs were open in the cemetery.

–Gramercy Park

Posted on December 23, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Fears, Firemen, Gender issues, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Musicians, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Panhandling, Queer guys, Sexuality, Stupidity, Suits, Threats, Weirdness

For the Last Time, That's Those Damn Vegetable Smoothies

Bitchy gay guy, after overhearing lengthy phone conversation: Damn, he was on the phone longer than your local congresswoman.
Girl: I don't know, I just get so much energy from him.
Bitchy gay guy: I get gas.

–36th St, Queens

Overheard by: Jamie

Posted on December 19, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Politics, Queens, Queer guys

Queer guys